Some things I would like to do before I eventually overdose on something, or end up in permanent lockdown in a maximum security penitentiary.

A lovely young lady on PT started this post, and she got me thinking about it for real. So I thought I'd elaborate here, where I have less chance of bothering/offending/annoying/etc everyone. [Her blog is here.]

I'm going to try and keep this list as realistic and practical as possible. Unfortunately, I am neither of those things very often, so I may stretch the rules of reality a bit.

THINGS WHICH I MUST DO BEFORE DEATH (in no particular order):

1.) Swim with whales. And not small wimpy whales - like BIG whales. Humpbacks and junk.

2.) End up with my photo in a magazine after getting involved in something scandalous.

3.) Produce, write, and co-direct the Goriest Most Violent Horror Film of All Time. (It will have no plot, just two hours of mindless, disgusting ultraviolence that would make Satan hisself vomit and cry out in disgust).

4.) Live to see the aforesaid horror film banned in every major country worldwide.

5.) Own a genuine replica of one of Marie Antoinette's gowns.

6.) Visit the following locations: Costa Rica, Brazil, Japan, New Zealand, and the Czech Republic. (there's loads of other places I'd like to see, but these are the top 5).

7.) Get at least one of my children's books published, and finish writing at least one of the adult fic books.

8.) Own a sail boat, and use it. Perhaps even live on it.

9.) Have two children--preferably boys--and raise them properly: good manners and etiquette, appreciation for music and the arts. They will receive a Classical education, and also be forced encouraged to play the violin and piano. I couldn't give a shite about finding a husband; the kids are more important.

10.) Rob a bank. I'm not even kidding. And I want to do it in the fashion of the Wild West. The way I see it, I've got the following 3 options:

- Wait until I really go over the cuckoos nest and then just do it--rob a bank! No plan, no holds barred, and no fighting when the police eventually arrest me. This will no doubt end with my immediate placement in the asylum, for life.

- Wait until I lose it in a more violent, but more controlled way--when I becomes a serial killer. When the authorities start closing in after I've done a few murders, I figure I'll go out with a bang and rob as many banks as I can before I get caught. Then it's off to prison for life. And I shall be famous. There's not many lady serial killers out there who are also sociopaths and bank robbers.

- Wait until I'm really really old and decrepit. When I feel I have reached my last few weeks/days, I shall do a bunch of heroin, and go rob a bank.