Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I don't know what was more disturbing... his description of the inner core reincarnated souls sex orgy... or the fact that the whole thing is written in screenplay format.


I  see lots of UFO's, but no one ever believes me. 

Okay so I know that maybe I spot UFO's a little more often than the average person. A few factors contribute to this:
a.) I spend a bit more time than the average person just sitting staring up at the sky;
b.) I like to think it's my superhuman vision (more likely just one of the side effects of hypervigilance), but I can spot movement in a dark sky without much of an effort. You'd be amazed at the number of night birds and bats and things there are flying around;
c.) I may have watched too many episodes of the X-Files; 
d.) I'm slightly paranoid about space/aliens, so maybe I'm just more observant when it comes to inexplicable flying lights. 

One thing I've seen in the sky has been explained Properly. I kept seeing these little lights that looked like really far away stars, and they move really slowly across the sky. Too slow for airplanes, plus they didn't have any blinking lights. They would just drift across the sky and then fade to nothing. 

And my first thought was always OMG ALIENS!!!

But those little lights are not in fact aliens. They are satellites. 

-__-

HOWEVER, satellites do not explain the other lights. Like the brighter ones that hover, dart in all different directions, and vanish. 

Probably they're just weather balloons

Seriously. According to NASA, there's just weather balloons all over the damn place. They can reach speeds in excess of 700 miles per hour, altitudes above 40,000 feet; they even can go invisible. 

They can do all that without strings attached, without people holding onto them or guiding them, and without motors of any kind. 

And people actually buy this explanation. 

Imagine if we explained all paranormal phenomena this way. 


OMG that house is totally haunted!!

Nope, it's just filled with weather balloons.


 I just solved pi!!

No, that's just a weather balloon. 

Jesus came back from the dead?!?

Nope, sorry guys; that was a weather balloon. 

Voldemort is back!!

Negative. Weather balloon. 


Sometimes it really is just a UFO. 

24 comments:

  1. Yay for new diet plans!

    I was literally laughing out loud over the weather balloons.

    And believe me, I am just as surprised as you are that I still have hair - especially considering the state of my scalp right now. Eeet's bad.

    Love!!!

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  2. The weather balloons made me laugh! There is definitely some aliens and UFOs out there. It's ignorant to think earth is the only place with life on it.
    NASA will realise this when aliens invade ;)

    I like your new plan. It's much better than a starve-a-thon.

    I decided I might as well just tell them. I have 3 years there before university so they'd figure it out at some point I guess.
    xx

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  3. Though alien existence is very likely, I don’t believe they could have visited without annihilating humanity by now. Then again, I don’t understand how I've gone without doing the same.

    Russia took four decades to blame Yuri Gagarin's death on a weather balloon. How lazy is that?

    Tonight, look across the sky from Cassiopeia to the Big Dipper, specifically, above the handle. SUPERNOVA! http://pda.physorg.com/news/2011-08-instant-cosmic-classic-supernova.html (Not that it's visible with the naked eye, but you know.)

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  4. I've seen lotsa satellites too. and one time I swear to Christ, we were looking at the stars out in the forest. Saw a satellite. Watched it go half way across the sky, Make a U-Turn and go back the other way. . . . . SWEAR TO CHRIST.

    YES we were all on extacy. BUT I took a lot of drugs in my day and never had the same hallucination as 5 other people at the same time. doesn't happen. it was cool anyway.

    ok ok, ONE other time I had the same hallucination as the person I was tripping with. But um, actually we both agree to this day, that the shit we saw really happened.


    AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH my verification word is String. like as in string theory. kinda like crazy math just like pi. trippy man

    the answer to the universe is 3

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  5. I need to get on aim so we can have zany too-tired convos at 3am. Tho you seem to be sleeping much better and i'd hate to interrupt :) I don't have sleep issues really...I just sleep thru my alarm and then don't get tired when I should.
    Yay Underwood is out! Speaking of...this reminded me of Underwood a bit: thinkgeek.com/e98c they call them berries but I thought of the little fairy souls that lit the Underwood. :)
    Augh indeed Count Chocula is addicting! It's like my Cocoa Pebbles! Ack!

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  6. How exciting about your book!!!!

    And the diet plan...

    And the lovely foot-soaking...

    And sleeping better.

    I swore I saw a UFO when I was in kindergarten. No one believed me 'cept my best friend who said, "If Holly says she saw a UFO, then I believe her." Good to know I could bring the innocent down with me, even as a five-year-old. : )

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  7. congrats on the book!!!

    and good luck with the new plan, Mich!

    and i LoOOOOOOVe that second weather balloon pic, the US Army one... haha, iz funny :) and of course aliens exist

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  8. ...And 30 seconds after siting down to have a smigarette, I just saw a meteor. A big one.

    I mean, a weather balloon.

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  9. You see some awesome night time activity here, too! I also see more than most, especially at the beach!

    For the last few mornings, when I've let the cat out, I've seen Pleiades, which means summer is on the way! It's especially beautiful in summer on the beach. So clear and sparkly! Our town might be a dump, but at east the air pollution is minimal! Makes for great stargazing... er, I mean weather ballon spotting! Right! Hilarious stuff, that! :)

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  10. Your comments always make me laugh. Seriously, you have a talent.

    And I love the pictures. Especially the Harry Potter touch. For me, I always think every "lump" I see is a boner. But sometimes, it's just a bundle of pens in one's pocket.

    SAD FACED.

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  11. Your graphics are amazing! And the minute I get a credit card, I will be buying your book :)

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  12. Did you get a book deal???
    I'm so glad!!
    Whose your publisher?
    And your agent?
    Just curious, you don't have to tell me, lol.

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  13. You have a book!! That's huge - CONGRATULATIONS!!

    I'm definitely doing this foot soaking thing - it sounds glorious.

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  14. Good idea, get used to it and work your way up.

    I'm now going to call those IRRITATING FUCKING KNOTS in the middle of my nice new ball of yarn 'Weather balloons' XD

    Lol, I got another knitting commission at the gym today. So it looks like my present to myself for passing the midterm will be a copy of your book :D

    I seriously think that the clinching proof regarding the existence of intelligent extraterrestrial life is than NONE has tried to contact us. Lol, seriously smart cunts floating around up there.

    <3

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  15. you need to post warnings or something. i almost pissed myself at the face-palming archimedes.

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  16. Lol I love your humour!! (: I think aliens exist too, but 'cause of my (partial) blindness (actually not really, I've never been officially diagnose, but both my eyesight and hearing are quite bad...)I think i could spend a million years staring up at the night sky and I'll not even spot a single weather balloon. Wish i had your sight, it'd make lectures a lot easier too (:

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  17. Hahahah omg I missed your blog sooo much! I just came back to the world and was so happy to see you still around! Your posts make my day!! Sooo funny!! <3

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  18. http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/RestrictingRescue

    hey mich! seriously, read this blog / page. she gets a bit lecture-ish about restriction at first but if you scroll down, she has a tried and tested method of getting out of the whole cycle thing without gaining weight :)

    hope it helps, i know what a scary thing it can be :(

    x x x x x x

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  19. size 0 teacher is 5'3.

    my PMS isn't horrible except that I get horny, restless and hungry. I can't stop eating and I can't stop wanting to ball people I don't really wanna ball. And the restlessness sometimes comes out as crankiness. O_O

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  20. I'm leery of giving financial info to websites I'm not familiar with. Call me paranoid. Is there something/someone out there that can vouch for Createspace?

    Hmm, I'll have to try the foot soak thing. Maybe with some essential oil in the water :)

    I'm with Peri: If there's intelligent life out there they're staying the heck away from earth. My inner conspiracy theorist goes for military experiments long before extraterrestrials to explain night sky phenomena.

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  21. I happened upon your blog when I was searching for images of Mink Stole. At first, after reading a couple entries, I was like ew she's just another vapid superficial retarded blonde who starves herself because she actually thinks she'll look good when she's as thin as a cancer patient.

    And then I kept reading.

    That was a week ago, and since then I have read your entire blog. Every single entry.

    So yeah good job. You have changed my entire outlook on eating disorders.

    You are freaking HYSTERICAL. And smart. And a REALLY GOOD writer. I hope you can beat this eating thing. Because you need to live to at least 100 years old, and keep blogging until the day you die.

    Rock on.

    - An Anonymous Admirer

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  22. Yay, the book is published! Congrats, Mich, what a wonderful acomplishment! i am so proud of you! Now i can say i know someone famous! Don't forget us "little" people when you are on your book reading/signing tour!

    Loved the whole "weather baloon" theory and pictures!

    xoxo,
    tracy

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  23. This seriously made my day, and it's only been 5 minutes since it started!

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  24. omg I love how crazy you always are! :D So the noise I hear all around the house at night are weatherballoons, arent they?? ;)

    Thanks for your comment, I really hope I can manage to get things right so I go to school.
    I'm sorry about the thing with the guy.. you dont want to tell what happened?
    But girl, dont be afraid of love.
    If you stop being scared, everything starts to get easier.(:

    xoxo<3

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