How to make a monster.

I love my mother. I really do. She's pretty much my best friend. We go out drinking, and go to nice dinners, and we watch Law & Order SVU together (and she doesn't even make fun of me when I'm drooling over Stephanie March!), and we can usually--now that I am all grown up--get along pretty well.

But sometimes I really just want to strangle her.

She has a gift, my Mum: she can turn even the simplest of things into an epic argument, and she can do this for absolutely no reason (none that I can find, anyway) other than her own amusement. Last night, for example: I was trying to study for a test in psych class. It's the hardest test we've had so far, and I had trouble keeping up with these few chapters, so when Mum and the sis came into the kitchen and started talking louder than necessary, I picked my book up and carried it into the next room, where it was quieter.

And Mum flipped.

She started ranting her usual: no one loves her, she should just kill herself, she doesn't know why she bothers, etc., etc., etc., and then she grabbed her purse and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

Mum then sent me the following text later on, about a minute before I had to take the actual test: "I don't think I deserved that kind of treatment."

WHAT KIND OF TREATMENT?!? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO???
::deep breaths::

So imagine you are three or four years old. Your mother explodes into a rage at least once a day. You do not know why she does this -- it could be because you spilled your glass of milk, or because you came down the stairs a little too loudly when she's suffering from a hangover. It could really be ANYTHING, and there's absolutely nothing you can do do predict these explosions. (Imagine a rat trapped in a cage, getting electrocuted a random number of times per hour).

And these explosions terrify you. You've actually got some pretty strange habits because of them, like hiding in dark closets and concealing yourself under piles of clothes and blankets for hours at a time (I actually still do this when I get stressed out); and learning how to make so little noise and movement, that you can be in the same room as someone else and they will never notice you're there. You will develop phobias to sirens, alarms, and loud noises in general. Your natural instinct when confronted with an argument or debate is to flee, or at least hit the floor and cover your head until it's over.

I went through 3 therapists in my high school years. Every single one of them thought my mother was the root of my psychopathy. Funny enough, Mum fired every single one of them after they tried to bring her in for a "family session," and explain to her that she might want to lighten up. Mum decided in the end that I don't need therapy, just a good kick in the arse.