Just die already.

What a weekend. This is going to get very long, but I do not apologize.

Let's start with Friday.

At around 5.00, the Boss calls me into his office. I presume it has to do with the fact that we're not making any money, because he's picky about taking on new clients, and the clients we already had were deadbeats who vanished without ever paying. We had discussed this last week and the week before, basically the Boss saying that if things didn't pick up he would have to let me go because he couldn't afford a secretary.

So on Friday, I was fired. I guess technically it's "laid off," but yeah, I no longer have a job.

Mum decides to take me out to dinner to make me feel better, and so then while we're out she gets shitfaced and decides to really get on my case about my weight. I might be able to handle that if it was anyone else, but when Mum decides to nag you about something, prepare to die. She will (literally) nag you to the point of self harm or suicide. So of course she's been on my case ever since, every waking moment of every day that I spend with her, she goes on NON-BLOODY-STOP about my weight, my eating habits, how I'm going to die, etc, etc, etc. This is why she has gone through 2 fiances, 1 long-term boyfriend/father of her 2nd child, and 2 husbands.

So I tried to eat a bit more normally in front of her. But I can't do that. It's all or nothing - starve or eat like a pig. So I binged.

Also this weekend, I figured that since I no longer have to get up early every morning, perhaps I should try to kick the sleeping pills and get into a normal, natural sleeping pattern. I warned all the members of the household several times (Mum, Sis, step-dad) that over the next few days/weeks/months/possibly forever I will become increasingly irritable, neurotic, delusional, catatonic, and God knows what else as a result of not sleeping. Y'all just have to deal.

Yeah so right now I have slept about 8 or maybe 9 hours in 4 days.

::manic smile::

Before I lost my job, my stepfather got up every morning around 8.30 to take my 15-yr-old Sis to her summer volunteer job. Stepdad has no job (he's been blacklisted from the entire printing industry - don't ask). I would of course have no problem taking Sis to work now that I am also jobless, but as everyone in the whole bloody house knows, I'm trying to learn how to sleep normally. So what does stepdad do? Instead of perhaps making this known LAST NIGHT, he waits until 8.26 this morning to tell everyone he's not taking Sis to work because I'm home, so I should do it.

I got to sleep around 7.30 this morning. And then was woken up at 8.27 and given exactly 3 minutes to process what Mum told me, get out of bed, find the car keys, and drive my sister to work. SAFETY FIRST!

I never liked stepdad. When Mum started dating him 11 years ago, I and EVERYBODY SHE KNEW said what a bad idea it was, and that he was a bad person, and that it would never end well. But of course, Mum did not listen because she never listens to anyone. [Seriously, you could tell her that if you put your hand in a fire you'll probably get burned and she won't believe you until she tries it herself.] So she ended up marrying stepdad. And now he makes her life a living hell.

I did try to feel bad for him. He's got 3 deadbeat children who would serve a better purpose being burned alive and then used as fertilizer, and he's also got emphysema from smoking 3-4 packs of ciggies a day since he was 12. But he brought those things upon himself. And he's a lying, miserable bastard. He gives Mum a hard time for not being a good little housewife who dotes on her husband and brings him slippers and newspapers in the evenings. IS HE FRIGGIN KIDDING?!? Doesn't he realize who he's talking about?? That woman has never doted on anything in her life. I can forgive ignornace, but I cannot forgive blatant stupidity.

Ok I'm done rambling.