Friday, February 17, 2012

Carol-Anne, I have asked you to keep the children quiet today! And for Christ's sake, get them out of the gaaaaaaaarden!!!!

I gave my mother a bit of a fright the other morning.

(Actually "bit of a fright" might be an understatement...)

You know how sometimes you have a really vivid dream right before you wake up in the morning, and the stuff happening in the dream kind of mimics stuff that's been going on in real life at the time, so when you wake up it takes you a minute before you can separate the dream from real life? Like for example, I often have dreams in which I find and purchase super exciting stuff like Baroque-style gowns, epic shoes, or extremely rare and expensive My Little Ponies, and wake up thinking I actually DID find and buy these items for a low price. And then when I wake up properly, I get kind of depressed when I realize it was only a dream.

The other morning, when I went back to bed at around 5.00 after a trip to the loo, I had a dream that my colourist, Greg had died. Aside from the fact that he is the one and only person on the planet whom I trust with colouring my hair, I adore Greg as a friend. We're both kind of snarky and sarcastic and love to gossip whilst I'm getting my hair did. We've even gone to see the Pogues together. So naturally, in the dream I got quite upset about his passing. Like REALLY upset. And because sometimes in dreams, your reactions to things can be quite a bit more extreme than they would be in real life, I was like FRANTICALLY upset. (I don't get frantic, even under extreme stress or in life-threatening situations.)

Most of the time after these types of dreams, it does take me quite a while to sort the two out (more than it probably takes normal people, I think). But the other morning... Perhaps it was a result of the sleeping pills? Or just a side effect of having epic sleep problems in general? Whatever the reason, that morning when I woke up again at around 6.00, my brain refused to separate the dream from real life ever after the normal waiting period.

My brain also failed to shake the frantic-epic-panic-attack that Greg's death had caused. I was wide awake, I knew I had just had a dream about Greg's death, but I COULD NOT figure out where the dream ended and real life began. That made the panic attack worse.

So, naturally:

You know when something sudden and startling shakes you out of a deep sleep, you get that heart-stopping FEAR? That particular kind of terror that is only caused by nightmares.

Yeah I'm pretty sure Mum almost had a heart attack.

While her brain was struggling to (a) wake up properly, (b) make sense of what I was saying, and (c) respond in the appropriate fashion; my brain decided to figure out how to separate the dream from real life.

Funny story:
This one time, a bunch of us stayed up at my friend, Number2's house in Upstate New York. His parents were away, so we were having the craic wandering around in the wilderness, dressing up in Number2's mother's old 70's and 80's clothes she had stashed away in the attic,

and drinking ourselves into a stupor. Even my friend T was drinking, and she NEVER drinks.

We retired to bed at around 2.30/3 in the morning--T and M in the spare room, S downstairs on the sofa, and me in with Number2. Myself and Number2 stayed up until like 4 in the morning finishing off the two bottles of wine we had stashed in his room and trying to convince the old and quite contrary VCR to play Harry Potter. (I'm amazed we didn't keep anyone else up with the racket we were making trying to get that VCR to work before we eventually passed out.)

I had a really bad dream. I was locked up in some kind of hospital, and awful horror-movie type things were happening all around me, and then someone started screaming. Like SCREAMING--horrific, blood-curdling screaming. It was so horrific if woke me up.

Except the screaming didn't stop when I woke up.

My brain actually cannot recall the sound of the screaming. It was that terrifying.

I tried to wake Number2, but he sleeps like the dead and so after shaking did not work, I punched him in the arm several times until he woke up and then made him go out into the hallway first to investigate. The screaming was coming from the spare room, and the more awake and alert I got, I realized it sounded like two people screaming. To be precise, it sounded like both M and T were screaming.

S was first to the scene, which still amazes me as she was downstairs, in the dark, ALONE, and yet she still rushed TOWARDS the scariness. By the time Number2 and I got there, the screaming had stopped and S was in the bedroom doorway asking T and M what the heck happened.

T was sitting up in her bed, the blankets pulled up to her chin, with a look of confusion and terror on her face. M was standing in the closet looking kind of dazed.

(Now before I go on, I should perhaps mention that M has a long history of intense sleep-walking and sleep-talking. (Sleepovers at M's house were super fun in high school.)
[His exact words--none of that was fabricated.]
I feel bad for M's mom. There was a while there that she kept finding all of M.'s pillows at the bottom of the basement stairs every morning for like 6 months. And then there were the times she'd be sat in the living room watching tv, and M (whose bedroom was on the other side of the living room wall) would start banging on the walls and screaming swear words.

Oh and my personal favourite:
The time M knocked his bedroom door clean off its hinges. And that didn't even wake up him up.)

T, still shaken from the whole incident, said she had half-woken up to M wandering around the room in the dark. He wandered into the closet and then started banging around and shouting "ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU SERIOUS, T?!?!?" etc., and so T not being properly awake, she got frightened and started screaming, and then M started screaming louder.

I'm guessing that's when I woke up.

M.'s version: "I don't know what was wrong with T, I was just getting up to go to the bathroom."

He managed to say that with a straight face, while still in the closet.

S managed to calm T down and the rest of us--dazed and shaken and still kind of confused--went back to bed. The next morning, once we were all fully awake, we discussed the events of the night until all of us were doubled over and sobbing with laughter.

That incident still makes me laugh quite a bit, actually.

Statcounter is really fun. It shows you more detailed info than the Blogger stats (although the downside is that there's a limit to how many records it keeps, unless you pay for it). I am greatly amused by some of the ways in which people have arrived at my blog when searching the internet. I think my favourite ever was "nude man bears explosion". And A LOT of people search for images of women in electric chairs. And baby bunnies. It's a bit disturbing how many people search for baby bunnies. And recently someone read my entire blog over the course of 2 days. I'm not gonna lie--I felt immensely flattered. :)


  1. Now I'm mildly disturbed. Sometimes when I'm bored snotless or can't sleep I'll pick a blog and read through a bunch of old entries. I don't necessarily want bloggers knowing my every click :P

    1. Don't worry, luv--I've no clue who clicks what; it's all just numblers and statistics.

  2. Hhaha i love your pics :P Looks like you had a good time! I hate those dreams too, they're well scary! Or horrible :( Especially when you dream of winning the lottery and you wake up for a second and believe it...then reality hits...I'M POOR! :( xx


    Sleeptalkers are hilarious. Almost as hilarious as those pictures you made. xD

    It is a bit creepy that people can be tracked with those sites, but I know a lot of sites do it. And I know that Statcounter is quite basic, only giving you the location of the server that a user's internet signal is bouncing off of, rather than the user's actual location, so you can't stalk me!! :p The program we use at work can give me your location down to the square foot.

  4. Oh, my. "The horror, the horror"....the great times!

    i tend to have pretty bad dreams when i run out of Cymbalta, but nothing like this!

    i soooo wish i had epic tales to tell like you do...! And the talent to make super amazing pictures to go with them!

    i am really glad that Greg is okay. He is, isn't he?

    Love you bunches, tracy

  5. Loved the story and the photos too as always Mich. I know what you mean about the dream thing, usually it sucks to realise that it was just a dream but when it comes to Greg I'm really glad it was. It's so cool you're going to see the Pogues with Greg too, I was supposed to go to see the Pogues in Belfast (even buying tickets) but things frustratingly didn't work out! :(

  6. Wow your mom must have been mad! wait, out of all the things to dream of you dream of buying my little ponys? you know you could just dream of owning them all right?

    "Shhhh... I'm downloading colours..." has got to be the funniest line I have heard in weeks! Reality is funnier then fiction!

    I typed in "woman in electric chairs" but I didn't find my way to your blog! I was kind of disappointed! Now I gotta go and find your site with the weirdest word combo I can think of!

    (got the envelope you sent me! thank you very much!)

  7. no joke, I just laughed until I almost peed myself at M knocking his door down.

    btdubs, love the mommy dearest quote. :D

  8. Now Dougal, you remember the difference between dreams and reality? Bunny, bunny, bunny...!

    I must say, I have had a few dreams that have left me in a right state, too! Sharing sleeping quarters with others can be very tricky. Farters, snorers, sleep walkers, talk abut a nightmare! I hate sleeping in a strange place. I always wake up in a slight panic when I do! My worst is finding other people's pets in bed with me. Waking up surrounded by a menagerie of strange pets is cute, but very confusing. The lines between dreams and reality become very blurred indeed! Bunny, bunny, bunny...! :)

  9. Oh God Mich, this was so good, one of your best ever. I love those dream bubbles you did!! Your poor mum, you waking her up in the middle of the night and those pics of you in her old clothes, I'm wondering does she read your blog? I've had dreams before where I've dreamt the Hubby was cheating on me and then woken up and yelled at him. He just can't seem to understand that. Silly man.

  10. Oh wow, I wish my dreams were that interesting. :P

    I also wish I was as animated as you after waking up.

  11. You have the best stories!

    Thanks for the valentine, love, you are so very thoughtful. I sure am lucky to have a friend like you<3

  12. "and I am NOT SLEEPWALKING" ahahahahahahaha priceless!!

  13. I hate it when dreams are so close to reality! You wake up thinking something great has happened only to be disappointing, or you think something terrible has happened (like a dream I had where I was eating an entire cake) only to find out it isn't real. I never had any sleepwalker friends, but I can image how amusing that be at sleepover! I went on a camping trip with my class when I was younger and I woke up to a guy a few tents down screaming, "Let me out! Let me outta here!" He had no memory of the incident.
    ~ Amber

  14. lol!

    I love sleep talkers/walkers! My aunt is one. She gets up in the middle of the night and fights inanimate objects while muttering profanities...I find it hilarious! Too bad she lives in I don't get to witness this amazing display of sublimated rage very often.

    Once, when I was sleeping on a couch bed with a fellow I worked with at camp (LONG story, full of bizarre details I'll skip), he sat straight up with his hands balled into fists, slammed them into the mattress and yelled, "I never get to choose! When is it my turn to choose?!" then laid back down and quietly slept the rest of early morning away. I laughed my fucking face off.

    I wish I had more stories. I love the illustrations for this entry so, so, so, so much. Why are you so kick ass? Can I rent your womb? Will you let me motorboat you if it tickles my fancy? Only 2 of those questions are serious. I'm not saying which.


  15. Dear Ms. Mich,

    Congratulations, you have have won an award! For more information, click here:

    Kind regards,
    Barefoot Girl! :)

  16. Funny shenanigans as always, and I particularly love the photos of you playing drunken dress-up.

    Miss Mich, would you be so kind as to email me your address? I'd like to send you some good old fashioned snail mail...

  17. Your posts never fail to put a smile on my face! I'm pretty sure my cousin had that my little pony, I should see if she still has it and I can 'borrow' it for you;) Thank you for the Valentines message, I love getting mail! It's nice to see a fellow Lord of the Rings lover too! Have a wonderful week<33

  18. When I was much much younger, I had an incident with sleepwalk-confusing the closet and the bathroom. In retrospect, I learned that wicker is not watertight.

  19. LOL, this was funny XD, you're hilarious!!... my roomie talks, yells, laughs, screams in her sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT

  20. I was cracking up as well.

    I have dreams of these nature as well. One has even bled over into reality with a body-less voice.

  21. WHAUGH why did i check the shoes link?? WANT WANT WANT!!!!!

    Love the cartoons, as always. Hilarious!! "I'm downloading colors" hahaha
    The knocked down door is my fave.
    Your poor Mum! Love that whole series.

    You're one of my inspirations, you know. it was your cartoons that helped me see just how expressive simple paint pictures could be. Before i saw your pics, i really thought the only way i could become a webcomic author was to buy a copy of Photoshop or Illustrator or something equally expensive. But nope, I can do it with a program i already own! Thanks, Mich!!

  22. I LOVE your cartoons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO INSPIRED!!! WHY ARE YOU SO COOL!?!?!? UGH I AM SO ENVIOUS!! YOU ARE AMAZING


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.