An open message to "Christians" like my parents.

 If you support the current administration, you cannot also follow Christ.

You can call yourself a Christian all you want, but at this point in America, “Christian” bears little to no resemblance to the actual teachings of Christ.

The current powers that be are literally doing the opposite of everything Jesus taught. There is no grey area here. These people lie and cheat and steal. They believe in taking from the poor and denying care to the sick. They believe in intolerance for anyone who is considered “other.” They believe in letting women die rather than give them access to essential healthcare. And if you think any of them are actually followers of Christ, you are fucking delusional.

These people are evil. If you support them, you support evil, and you are complicit in its takeover of this country. If you think you’re a good person, news flash: you are absolutely not. You support the deaths of children by school shooters. You support violence against the LBGTQ community. You support people who say we should just murder homeless people. You support people who openly display their white supremacist tattoos. You support people who want to throw anyone not-white into torture prisons in El Salvador with zero due process.

Pull your head out of your asses. You are shit people, and if hell was real, you’ve already got a one way ticket. You can quote bible verses until you’re blue in the face, but you’re nothing more than a parrot. It means absolutely NOTHING if you are not also doing good works. 

Sorry y'all, but I really needed to get this out.

I am going to complain like never before.

This will be long and boring, but here is the only place I can really vent about this.

The one potential issue that made me reluctant to accept a place on the church council has arisen.

Politics.

Over the last few months, our church has turned into the bloody War of the Roses. It's like a Game of Thrones episode without the actual violence.

Brief summary--Pastor Fusspot came to our church back in 2012. We embraced him and his family because his wife is one of those people who is so good and kind and wonderful she's like a little ray of perfect sunshine. idk how the hell he managed to get her to marry him.

I didn't notice any issues until about a year later, when I started (or at least tried to start) getting involved with the church's children's ministries. To keep this short[er], basically Pastor Fusspot is a control freak, a micromanager, a very poor speaker, and he has a problem with women.*

This eventually led to a big blow up between Pastor Fusspot and the couple who used to be in charge of the music. Luke and April left the church, taking the whole band with them.**

Then Mike the Band Leader and his wife were hired to manage the music, and they brought in their friends to make up what is now half of the band (the other half being me, Lil Bro#2, one of the drummers, two 13 year old girls doing backup vocals, and New Guy on the keyboard).

Our band is fantastic. We've had visitors to our church tell us we have one of the best worship teams they've ever seen. I didn't even realize how good we are until I visited a couple other churches and saw their bands. We rock.

Pastor Fusspot and Mike the Band Leader started butting heads from the get go. Nothing major, it's just Pastor Fusspot being his micromanaging self and wanting to control every last thing that goes on in the church and Mike the Band Leader trying to get him to see reason when he's about to make a stupid decision.

Mostly they just agreed to disagree whenever an issue arose and went on peacefully co-existing.

Then Pastor Fusspot & Family went away for a couple weeks to help a family member down in Florida. In their absence, Mike the Band Leader and one of our other church leaders gave sermons for the 2 Sundays Pastor Fusspot was away.

Mike the Band Leader is an amazing speaker. Everyone loved his sermon. And word of this got back to Pastor Fusspot. (And I think many of us realized then what a poor speaker Pastor Fusspot is...)

This is when the serious head-butting between them began. It's been one thing after another--Pastor Fusspot doesn't like the songs we're playing, now we're not allowed to do anything even remotely country, no Pastor doesn't like these songs either, Pastor doesn't want Doe leading more than 2 songs per Sunday, Pastor doesn't want Mike's Wife leading any songs ever, Pastor doesn't want to get one competent person running the sound board every Sunday, etc etc etc etc.

And then two weeks ago, Pastor Fusspot tells Mike and his wife that the wife is no longer allowed to be in the band because Fusspot doesn't like her voice. She can work the sound board instead.

We need Mike's Wife. She has the best stage presence out of all of us. She's a freaking wizard when it comes to harmonizing on vocals. She's the best at directing all the backup singers. And for some reason when she and I sing together, the combo of our voices sounds like the singing of the effing angels themselves. Yes, she is the best at working the sound board, but snatching her off the worship team before training someone to really replace is just plain stupid.

Mike the band leader tried reasoning with Pastor Fusspot, but of course Fusspot would have none of it. Mike tried once again to find us a somewhat professional sound person (because we really need someone one the board who knows what they're doing) and even offered to pay the potential sound person out of his own pocket. But no matter what Mike said, Fusspot just shut it down.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon.

I get a phone call from Pastor Fusspot that he has scheduled an emergency council meeting for 7.00 PM. He won't tell me what it's about. I told him I couldn't go because I had an appointment at the sheriffs office regarding my gun permit (and it takes MONTHS to get an appointment, I made this one back in February), so Fusspot says to call as close to 7 as I can and they'll conference me in.

I told Mike about the emergency meeting (not to blab, we just text back and forth a lot every day, mostly sending each other stupid youtube videos) and he said, "oh dear"..... and then told me he put all his thoughts of what's been happening the last few weeks into a letter and sent it to Pastor Fusspot that morning.

I called into the meeting at about 7.30. Three of us were attending via telephone, as only three of the other council members could make it to church. What followed was the most frustrating and stressful and drama-filled 90 minutes I've had this year.

Pastor Fusspot wants Mike gone. But he won't fire him because then Mike can claim unemployment benefits. So he has come up with a plan that will guarantee Mike quits. As I have noticed that Fusspot is fond of doing, he bends the truth to suit his side of things, misquotes members of the congregation to back himself up, and at one point even outright lied about someone in church telling him that Mike has been stirring "dissension" within the congregation.

One council member expressed his concern (and not for the first time) that Mike leaving the church could destroy what took us several years to build back up. Myself and one of the other council members (who is a drummer in the band) seconded this notion. One council member declined to offer a real opinion. Two of the council members--both members of our church since it started back in the 80's--lean more towards Pastor Fusspot's side out of loyalty to the church itself.

When the meeting was headed to its end and Pastor Fusspot demanded we each weigh in on his plan, I expressed a desire to be left out of that vote. I was honest--I said I think I'm too close to this situation to be objective about it, especially since Mike and his wife are two of my closest friends. The drummer agreed with me. But Pastor Fusspot wouldn't have it. In the end, me and the drummer were basically forced into an "ok fine do it" and the meeting was adjourned.

I did not tell Mike details of what happened in the meeting, but I told him enough so that he was forewarned. But then this morning I was like f**k it.

I'm done. I am done with Pastor Fusspot's constant stream of bullsh*t, I am done with his awful sermons. I am done with his total lack of respect for women. I am done with him treating everyone who has been trying to help him like they do not matter. He does have a few good qualities, but at this point it is apparent that he will never compromise enough for those qualities to do any good in the church.

I feel horrible about this. If Mike leaves the church, the band goes with him. The two teenage girls on backing vocals will remain because of their parents. The drummer/other council member could go either way, but I can see him following us out the door. New Guy on the keyboard might stay behind, but based on the fact that he and his wife have become good friends with Mike and his wife, I doubt it.

On top of that, our families will leave with us. Pastor Fusspot has to know this. No one can be that stupid.

So in one ill-advised action, Pastor Fusspot has lost his church their worship team, two of the only people in the congregation who know how to work the sound board, the person in charge of coffee and snacks in the cafe who also organizes almost all of our big events, several of the people who volunteer at all out our outreach events, two council members, two Church Board members..... basically if the church was a chair, he just cut off three of its legs.

I'm starting to have heart palpitations, so I think I'll stop now. If you've made it this far, I give you a virtual hug. Because I think I need a hug.

*Once upon a time I tried getting involved with leading Youth Group. I just wanted maybe one weekend a month, to get the kids doing arts and music and whatnot. My request was not even denied by Pastor Fusspot, it was ignored. And then a month later Pastor Fusspot hands total control of Youth Group to Lil Bro#2 for the entire summer, and Lil Bro#2 didn't even ask for it.

**April told me afterwards when we met for a few beers one evening that she had tried to set up a sort of sub group of Youth Group to get the kids involved with music. This was also ignored.

A is for Abraham

(A is also for the only post I actually managed to finish, so this will probably be the only A-Z Challenge for 2016...)

Most of you probably know the story of Abraham and Isaac. (If not, brief summary: God promised Abraham he'd be the father of his peoples, but Abraham had no kids. But then MIRACLE, even though Abe and his wife Sarah are like 100 years old, Sarah has a son and they call him Isaac.

Some years letter, to test Abraham's faith, God tells Abe to offer his son Isaac as a sacrifice. So Abraham sets off on a camping trip with his son and when they get to the campsite, he prepares to murder Isaac and offer him as a sacrifice to God. Thankfully, God sends an angel to stop him at the last minute and congratulate him on his faithfulness.

I always wonder about their trip back home.

It must have been kind of awkward....

Have a good weekend, y'all!

You know I wanted something pretty for my wife, but the judge frowned and sentenced me to life.

Occasionally I stop complaining and being sarcastic to tackle real issues. I shall try to do that again....

So gay marriage is legal now and we as a nation are all awaiting the moment that pastor sets himself on fire, like he promised.

I've talked about this before, but I have to say it again. I really just cannot understand WHY so many "Christians" get so bent out of shape over gayness. Even from the most extreme Bible-thumping standpoint, nowhere in the Bible does it say that homosexuality is worse than any other sin. In the New Testament, Jesus says nothing about homosexuality. He does, however, get pretty clear in His opinions about divorce. But no one gets bent out of shape over divorce anymore. It's Paul who condemns homosexuality in the New Testament, and Paul was an extremely devout Jew before he became a Christian, and believed homosexuality was as much of an abomination as eating shellfish (Leviticus 11:10). 

Last week, Warwick, NY had its second LGBT parade. Last year we had one lone protester. A bunch of us from Warwick Assembly of God were wandering around the parade handing out free bottles of water (because it was really freaking hot) and trying to spread the message that EVERYONE is welcome in our church. Our pastor gave the kind of pathetic-looking lone protester a water bottle and told him Jesus is love, not hate. This year, there were no protesters at the parade, and we handed out even more water bottles because it was even hotter than last year. We are the only church in the Warwick area to get involved in the LGBT parade. One out of like 20+. 

When I see photos or footage of people protesting gay rights trying to spread these horrible messages of "God hates gays," it makes me want to cry. It is nothing but hate, and hate does not come from God. Hate is the devil, because it is one of the surest ways of turning people away from God. All of those hateful protesters have not only unknowingly turned themselves away from Christ; by their words and actions and the example they set, they turn countless others away from Him as well. They are doing the devil's work under the guise of Christianity and it makes me sick.

Love one another. Over and over and over again in the New Testament, the same message. Love one another.

Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.

Have a good weekend, y'all. Try not to go around flashing a questionable flag in case someone gets offended. 

Did I mention I've decided to run for president?

it's a crazy, crazy mixed up town

I've been blogging for five years guys, that's insane. I've never been that committed to anything in my life.

I feel like I've been trying to finish book 4 for five years as well, and yet it remains unfinished. It's finally moving again though.....

Y'all remember the band Live? They were big in the 1990's, and they are one of very few bands that have remained playing on my radio throughout the years while I picked up and discarded hundreds of other artists. Classic rock, classical music, grunge, punk, metal, back to classical music, back to metal, bluegrass, country--I still kept Live's albums mixed into my tapes, then later mix CD's, and now in itunes and Spotify playlists.

I never followed Live obsessively like I have done with a great many other bands, so funny enough it never occurred to me until a few months ago that Live has been one of my favourite bands ever for like 20 years. Curious as to what happened to them after they released The Distance to Here in 1999, I looked them up in the itunes store to see if they had released anything since then.

Which eventually led me to the singer, Ed Kowalczyk, and the music he's been making on his own. He left Live in 2009 and has released two solo albums and an EP.

He's making Christian rock now. Christian rock that sounds sort of like Live.

I don't mind Christian rock in church, but I've never really been a fan of the stuff some of my friends and family listen to. It sounds a little too campy to me, and a lot of it sounds all the same. (I don't count Wovenhand as existing alongside Christian rock bands because DEE's music defies categorization.) But now I've been banned from keeping Ed's albums playing at work because, as my boss says, "it's Jesus freak music."

It's weird, I feel like I've carried Ed's music around for most of my life, and then when I went to take a closer look at what he's doing now, he's in the same place I am.

A sign? I dunno about that. Just one of those little things that fits together so neatly, like what my hippie roommates used to call syncronicity.

I love my murder ballads and love me some ear splitting metal, but sometimes I also love blasting this stuff and PRAISING THE LORD




Mumsy and Lil Sis ridicule me relentlessly for this sort of thing. I get them back by praying loudly in public and embarrassing them.

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.

So a proper update on the new home is in order I think.

Since moving in two weeks ago, I have more or less settled in. Here's some better photos of my decor:

The living room:

The kitchen:

and I got this wicked magnet for the fridge:

And the bedroom/office because it's huge and I'm making it 2 rooms:

I'm still waiting for the pull-out couch I'm stealing from Mumsy (there is an absurd total of SEVEN sofas in her house), which will go where the fainting couch is now, and then I can move the fainting couch into the bedroom. I'm getting another one of those room dividers as well (when I'm not so intensely poor with the expenses of moving and settling in), and possibly taking one of the desks from Mum's house.

I found this awesome little garden area down by the creek:

I'm setting up my archery target there. And the ground curves up to meet the hill in such a way that I can shoot my crossbow there without worrying about killing anyone by accident! :D

I should mention my neighbour.

HOLY CRAP.

I had met him when I first looked at the apartment, but I guess in my excitement at looking for my own place, his appearance failed to fully impress itself upon my vision. I was reminded on the day I moved in, and have been infatuated ever since.  (The move-in actually came to a complete standstill when me, Mum, Stepmom, Lil Sis, Big Sis#2, and my friends C. and M. came face to face with Adonis-Neighbour in the driveway. Dad, Lil Sis's boyfriend, Big Sis#2's hubby, and C.'s boyfriend could only stand back and feel inadequate).

Sadly, Adonis's girlfriend is just slightly prettier than the average supermodel, and she also lives upstairs.

BUT

last Friday, Adonis and I were chatting in the driveway and he informed me that his girlfriend is moving out at the end of the month.

.......

I made some apple pie to share with him, you know because I'm neighbourly like that.

ALSO I GOT ANOTHER CAT.

note how adorable and innocent she looks there at the shelter....

Poison Ivy is about 5 months old. I had originally planned to get a cat the same age as Harleyquinn, but when I went to visit the lady I got Harley from, I just fell in love.

They’re still fighting a bit. Also Ivy is just as demented as Harley.

here she is stalking Harleyquinn from the top of the closet door

And Ivy likes playing with the toy basket.

Not the toys. Just the basket.

.....In other news, I have turned into possibly the biggest loser ever gotten so involved in church things that it has more or less become my social life.

I hang out with the pastor and his wife on Tuesdays (it's like a book club/group therapy session and I'm actually amazed at how much I enjoy it). I spent most of yesterday outside the church painting children’s faces for free at Applefest. I also help with the girls ministry (it's basically like brownies and girl scouts) every Wednesday night--I have been assigned to the six and seven-year-olds.

FUNNY STORY.

I rarely had moments in my years of nannying wherein I lost control of my children. But that was because the children knew me, and knew to fear the Mich-Is-Getting-Pissed tone. A group of seven-year-old girls who barely know me? Not so much.

So last week, approximately 45 seconds into our lesson on kindness, one of the children declares that she has a mighty need to use the restroom. And obviously the other three girls also had to use the restroom. Since the group leader was still trying to set up and get organized, she sent me to take the girls to the loo.

I attempted to contain them. I attempted to keep them quiet.

They were LITERALLY scaling the f*cking walls.

They'd gotten so worked up after that, we couldn't keep them focused for the rest of the evening. I went home and prayed that the Lord please make me barren.

I joined the women's ministry as well, and we had our first get-together last Saturday. And now I am somehow in charge of planning the next outing. Pastor's Wife and I decided that horseback riding must happen in the near future, so I'm planning a trail ride. The two of us are possibly dangerous together, because we have also started organizing a "70's party," and instead of doing this, say, on a Saturday night,

we thought it would be best if it happened during a regular Sunday service.

Oh and we found these on Tumblr, to put on the windshields of the annoying people who park illegally in the church lot:

Mumsy is absolutely horrified that I'm getting so involved in church. She thinks I drank the koolaid and that I'm going to turn into some mindless Bible-thumping fool.

....so naturally, whenever she verbally pursues this notion, I put on this glazed expression with a manic smile and tell her she should really come to church and accept Jesus as her saviour, so she can be saved just like me.

Since Mumsy does not comprehend sarcasm in any shape or form, this usually freaks her out enough to change the subject.

She's not doing too well** with the whole living alone thing, but she’ll just have to get used to it because I ain’t moving back. I always thought I'd go crazy living on my own (like how I did when I was house sitting), but I FRIGGING LOVE IT. I guess technically I'm not alone--I have the cats, and it is nice knowing that there are people right upstairs. And my head is actually in a good place now. Learning to budget my money, however, is still a work in progress.........




**Mumsy claims she is not as scared at night as she was for the first few days, but whenever I see her or speak to her now and she mentions things like having dinner with friends, or needing help cleaning out the house to sell it, she throws out remarks like, "not that you'd bother coming down to help," or "I guess I'll just have to go on my own," etc. etc. I know this is just an evolved form of her usual strategies for ensuring compliance, but it's annoying. Especially since I have in fact gone to see her and help her out EVERY WEEKEND since I moved, and she has not so much as attempted to plan a visit to me.

FECKIN GREEEEEEEEKS!!! They invented gayness!!

I wasn't going to talk about this because it's a *sensitive* subject for many, but I feel the need to bitch and moan.

The gay marriage issue. I try not to think about the whole thing in general because it just makes me wild with impatient rage like AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH ARE ALL OF YOU BIGOTS RETARDED

......

...yeah I mean I really don't get what the big deal is with gay people being legally allowed to get married. Whatever your beliefs--whether you are a huge gay rights supporter, a huge anti-gay activist, or you don't give a shit either way--WHY THE FUCK does it matter if the government passes a law that allows them to get married?!

The religious arguments against gay marriage have got more holes in them than the 25 year old towels hanging out in the bottom of my linen closet.

People LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to quote Leviticus (Chapter 18 in particular) on this. Man shall not lie down with man as with a woman or whatever. Every time I read Leviticus 18 , it sounds more and more like a Manual On Reproducing For Those New Things Called Humans. Like for real. Read it. It's the moron's guide to going forth and multiplying: screwing close relatives will lead to not-so-awesome offspring, screwing your cousin's uncle's grandfather's great-niece's dad's sister's daughter will possibly get you killed by that chick's husband, and screwing someone of the same sex will not make a baby.

Am I interpreting that wrong? Maybe. But the Bible is thousands of years old, and whatever God said, we must remember that men will be men and they are the ones who actually wrote it all down, never mind the fact that the whole thing has been translated like 100000000000000000 times. I believe very strongly in the meaning behind what the Bible says, I just take each chapter with a grain of salt.

Oh and just for fun, you know what it also says in Leviticus?
- It is a sin to touch bad meat.
- God really likes animal sacrifices. (Is there some particular reason we no longer do that?)
(- Seriously, like the first ten chapters of Leviticus go into graphic detail on how to properly slaughter and disembowel and sacrifice an animal to God)
- It is a sin to eat camels and rabbits and pigs. And not just a sin, but an ABOMINATION to eat anything that lives in the sea but does not have scales or fins.
- If a woman is raped, it's her fault.
- Shaving your head and getting tattoos is a sin.
- Marrying a non-virgin is a sin.

I could go on an on.

Why is it that some of these things are totally ok now, but some aren't? If your argument is that "times have changed," then why the hell doesn't that apply to homosexuality?

The other big argument is what Jesus says about marriage being scared between a man and a woman. If you read that part of the gospels very carefully, you might notice that in pretty much the same breath, Jesus is also condemning divorce.

...How long has divorce been legal now? I'm sorry, but if you're using that as your argument against gay marriage, then we absolutely cannot have divorce being legal, or the entire argument crumbles under a great heaping pile of hypocrisy.

Honestly I think Jesus was trying to drive home his basic teachings about loving one another by saying that not cheating on your spouse is kind of an important part of a marriage.

But me ranting and raving is not going to change someone's beliefs. And I think you should be able to believe whatever you want. That's the whole point of freedom of religion.

Which brings me to what pisses me off the most about this whole debate.

This country was founded on the idea of the separation of church and state. In a country of religious freedom, with as many diverse religions as we have, I think this is extremely important. The law should have nothing to do with one specific religion.

I'll repeat that, because some people(::ahemcoughcoughDADcough::) just can't quite grasp it.

THE LAW SHOULD BE A COMPLETELY SEPARATE FUCKING THING THAN CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISM.

Is gay marriage going to completely destroy morality in this country?

NO FUCKTARDS, it's not.

If the Playboy channel, the Kardashians, Ke$ha, Barney the dinosaur, George W. Bush, Teen Mom II, Paris Hilton, and every other piece of trash this country has produced over the centuries haven't destroyed us yet, somehow I really don't think gay marriage will be the thing that makes God rain fire down on us.

Think about it. There are things FAR FAR WORSE than gay marriage happening in this country every single fucking day. That's one of the reasons I don't get why people are getting so bent out of shape about it. If you want something righteous and worthwhile to protest, what about the fact that child molesters and rapists generally serve way less prison time than people who commit insurance fraud? What about the fact that all these banks (like Bank of America) are BLATANTLY screwing poor people out of even more of their money, and out of their homes?

What about the DEATH PENALTY, for feck's sake? Or the foreign wars that we have no business being involved in? Not killing is in the COMMANDMENTS. You'd think people who claim to be insanely zealous about God and Jesus might care more about senseless killing than about gay people getting happily married. (Oh and since we were on the subject of Leviticus, it says multiple times in that book that the people committing all sorts of *wrong* acts should "surely be put to death." Which is in direct contradiction to the Bible's previous chapters. Just sayin.)

If you actually read the gospels, I think Jesus's message is pretty clear. He says it over and over and over and over in many many different ways. Love one another.

A law that encourages discrimination against a particular group does not further Jesus's teachings. It does the opposite. Discrimination promotes hate.

We're supposed to be a free country, as far as religion. But when you start using one religion to create laws, it really isn't a very big leap to using those same laws to justify burning people at the stake for religious heresy.

So if we're condemning gay couples and refusing to allow them to marry, we may as well start calling all divorcees heretics and burn them as well. And then we can admit that this country cares more about stopping people we don't even know from being happy than it does about preventing school shootings and teen suicides.


...I don't think we are like that. Not the majority of us. We are good people, and we care about each other. And now hopefully lots of those good people will be able to get married.

Just don't expect me at all your weddings because I absolutely hate weddings. Sorry. I just do.

(Also I have nothing against the Greeks. That's a Father Ted quote):

No Father, it's just fizzy water.

The books shall be mailed out at some point in the near future... (Don't worry, those of you who messaged me--I won't forget you.)

I love how I have the same conversation with my mother over and over and over and over ad nauseam. Actually now that I think of it, we have many conversations over and over again, because Mum (though I love her unconditionally) does not pay attention, or listen. Ever.

Seriously, it's been the same since we got the internet. 

Like is she kidding

::patienceisavirtue::

Funny how sometimes you end up eating your words.

better than stuffing my face with actual cereal... 

Remember that post I did a while back, about the intense awkwardness I felt going to Dadum's church?

...

............

I've started going to church with Dad, Stepmom, and the Little Bros.

Regularly. And without being coerced or guilted into going. YES, my fellow Catholic brethren, I think I have officially defected.

I thought I'd kept it on the DL, but apparently Dad told Big Sis#2 of my recent churchgoing. Our text conversation from last week:

Big Sis#2: "I hear you've been staying over at Dad's and going to church. Think you made his year. What are you planning?? Mum must think you've lost it"

Mich: "DON'T TELL MUM."

Big Sis#2: "You're seriously going to church now"

Mich: "Yes. I don't know. I think maybe I've lost my mind. I'm depressed."

Big Sis#2: "Traitor!"

Mich: "-____-"

Big Sis#2: "Awww honey, but why are you depressed?"

Where do I even begin? I hate my job, I hate Bergen County, I hate my life, I hate that my cat is dead, I hate Stepdad and wish he was dead, and I hate that I feel that way and that he's made me feel that way, and I hate that I hate everything, and I feel trapped, and I need to GET OUT. The shrink isn't really helping. The vitamins* aren't helping and I really need to work on quitting them again. The drinking every night isn't helping and it's going to put me in an early grave if I don't cut it out. Writing isn't helping because I'm more blocked than my sinuses are from the vitamins*. Nothing helps; nothing makes the awful feelings go away. So I started going to church with Dad.

And it's helping. A little.

 I don't think I'm going to become like the crazies who think God hates gay people and abortion doctors, or the people who take the Bible as literal, word for word, believing the earth was literally created in 7 days and that the mere idea of evolution is heresy***. My beliefs haven't changed, not one bit. Just the practise of them has changed. Or perhaps the intensity of that practise?

Mum doesn't know yet, but I have a feeling that my days of secrecy are numbered. Eventually she's going to cop on to the fact that I'm spending every Saturday night at Dad's not just to hang out more with my bros (like when they go back to college and I keep going to Dad's she'll probably catch on...). Or she's going to catch me reading one of these nights (or on a weekend morning).

...most people do this with things like porn...

She already thinks I'm insane. This will make her think I need hospitalization.

Oh well. 

***[At the risk of possibly offending some of my readers (not my intention at all), I don't get the the issues with believing in evolution. Like for real, God in His infinite wisdom made all the livings on earth capable of changing and adapting to keep up with a changing environment. That's effing genius. If He hadn't done that, lots more species of animals and insects and whatnot could have died off. Like DUH. How is it blasphemous to accept, or even simply consider that notion?

Idk.... It just seems so obvious.]