Stop the world, I really f****ng want to get off.

We went camping this past weekend--me, Dadum, Stepmom, and both Lil Bros--to Ithaca, NY, to visit some waterfalls, the Mecca of Birdwatching, and watch the Tottenham Hotspur v. Liverpool game live in a pub.

While we had a good time, it felt like one thing after another kept going wrong. On the way up, Dadum's truck's check engine light not only lit up, but started flashing. We made it to the campsite and the 'rents found a mechanic to look at the truck on short notice, so hopefully problem solved.

Then something went wrong with the trailer's electricity. Not a huge issue, since--thank heavens--it didn't get hot enough at night to necessitate air conditioning, and the lights inside worked on their own batteries. But still, Mom and Dad had recently spent a considerable amount of time and money fixing various issues with the camper. There should not have been any electrical issues.

It rained a bit, but thankfully not as much as all of our weather apps had predicted. We saw some pretty waterfalls. 

I was traumatized by this sign at an ice cream stand in the park.

but managed to find comfort by befriending this spider

Dadum and I found a pub to watch the Tottenham v. Liverpool game over a few beers while Mom and both Lil Bros wandered Ithaca. Within the first like thirty seconds of the game, one of the refs made THE MOST RETARDED CALL IN FOOTBALL HISTORY and gave Liverpool a penalty kick for literally no reason at all. 

We lost 2 - nil. But otherwise it was a good game and despite losing, Tottenham had possession of the ball for like 80% of the game. 

On the way back into the campground, we noticed the most fantastic mini golf statue in the history of the multiverse. 

It took every last ounce of our willpower not to steal it.

We celebrated Lil Bro#2's 25th birthday Saturday evening, and sat around drinking and eating and generally being merry, even with the on and off rain. The Bros and I sat around the campfire chatting and laughing after Mom and Dad retired into the camper.

My phone rang. It was Mike the Band leader. I hadn't heard from him and his wife in a while, so I answered. I should have figured that it would be bad news, considering the call came at nearly 10.00 at night, but we'd all had quite a few drinks by that point.

I still wonder if maybe I shouldn't have answered. I mean, I would have found out anyway, but part of me wishes I had ignored the phone call and continued having a laugh with my brothers until we eventually turned in for the night. 

One of my friends (Drummerboy, who some of y'all might remember from when I was sort of dating him) was shot and killed in a diner parking lot on Saturday morning. By his own son. 

No one knows why. The best guess is an argument over money. They hadn't had a good relationship in years, mainly because of the kid and his mother demanding more and more money from Drummerboy even though he didn't have the money to give them. 

My friend's own fecking child MURDERED HIS FATHER over money. 

Friday I have to go to a family friend's wedding (we've all known each other since before any of us kids were born and our parents all worked for the same company in the 1970s). I've been dreading this since we got the invite, because I hate weddings in general (at least the stupid cliche weddings that literally every single couple I know has had over the years). 

Drummerboy's funeral is Friday at 11.00 AM. I had already planned to leave work early for the stupid wedding, so now Bossman and Bosslady are giving me a hard time about taking a full day off. Mumsy and I had originally planned to stay in a hotel after the wedding with Lil Sis, because it's kind of far from home. I told Mumsy that I will probably be ditching the wedding as soon as is socially acceptable so I can drive home.

Apparently this is incredibly selfish of me. 

So on Friday I'll be attending the fecking wedding after attending my friend's funeral, and I know I'm going to get a ration of shit if I don't act all happy and sociable at said wedding. The only reason I will resist getting blackout drunk is that I already desperately want to go home.

for me, Spring has always been a time of loss and death

another one gone forever

another empty bed

 
 Slade J. Hound, Esq., the office dog - January 30 2006 - May 7 2018

I am going to complain like never before.

This will be long and boring, but here is the only place I can really vent about this.

The one potential issue that made me reluctant to accept a place on the church council has arisen.

Politics.

Over the last few months, our church has turned into the bloody War of the Roses. It's like a Game of Thrones episode without the actual violence.

Brief summary--Pastor Fusspot came to our church back in 2012. We embraced him and his family because his wife is one of those people who is so good and kind and wonderful she's like a little ray of perfect sunshine. idk how the hell he managed to get her to marry him.

I didn't notice any issues until about a year later, when I started (or at least tried to start) getting involved with the church's children's ministries. To keep this short[er], basically Pastor Fusspot is a control freak, a micromanager, a very poor speaker, and he has a problem with women.*

This eventually led to a big blow up between Pastor Fusspot and the couple who used to be in charge of the music. Luke and April left the church, taking the whole band with them.**

Then Mike the Band Leader and his wife were hired to manage the music, and they brought in their friends to make up what is now half of the band (the other half being me, Lil Bro#2, one of the drummers, two 13 year old girls doing backup vocals, and New Guy on the keyboard).

Our band is fantastic. We've had visitors to our church tell us we have one of the best worship teams they've ever seen. I didn't even realize how good we are until I visited a couple other churches and saw their bands. We rock.

Pastor Fusspot and Mike the Band Leader started butting heads from the get go. Nothing major, it's just Pastor Fusspot being his micromanaging self and wanting to control every last thing that goes on in the church and Mike the Band Leader trying to get him to see reason when he's about to make a stupid decision.

Mostly they just agreed to disagree whenever an issue arose and went on peacefully co-existing.

Then Pastor Fusspot & Family went away for a couple weeks to help a family member down in Florida. In their absence, Mike the Band Leader and one of our other church leaders gave sermons for the 2 Sundays Pastor Fusspot was away.

Mike the Band Leader is an amazing speaker. Everyone loved his sermon. And word of this got back to Pastor Fusspot. (And I think many of us realized then what a poor speaker Pastor Fusspot is...)

This is when the serious head-butting between them began. It's been one thing after another--Pastor Fusspot doesn't like the songs we're playing, now we're not allowed to do anything even remotely country, no Pastor doesn't like these songs either, Pastor doesn't want Doe leading more than 2 songs per Sunday, Pastor doesn't want Mike's Wife leading any songs ever, Pastor doesn't want to get one competent person running the sound board every Sunday, etc etc etc etc.

And then two weeks ago, Pastor Fusspot tells Mike and his wife that the wife is no longer allowed to be in the band because Fusspot doesn't like her voice. She can work the sound board instead.

We need Mike's Wife. She has the best stage presence out of all of us. She's a freaking wizard when it comes to harmonizing on vocals. She's the best at directing all the backup singers. And for some reason when she and I sing together, the combo of our voices sounds like the singing of the effing angels themselves. Yes, she is the best at working the sound board, but snatching her off the worship team before training someone to really replace is just plain stupid.

Mike the band leader tried reasoning with Pastor Fusspot, but of course Fusspot would have none of it. Mike tried once again to find us a somewhat professional sound person (because we really need someone one the board who knows what they're doing) and even offered to pay the potential sound person out of his own pocket. But no matter what Mike said, Fusspot just shut it down.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon.

I get a phone call from Pastor Fusspot that he has scheduled an emergency council meeting for 7.00 PM. He won't tell me what it's about. I told him I couldn't go because I had an appointment at the sheriffs office regarding my gun permit (and it takes MONTHS to get an appointment, I made this one back in February), so Fusspot says to call as close to 7 as I can and they'll conference me in.

I told Mike about the emergency meeting (not to blab, we just text back and forth a lot every day, mostly sending each other stupid youtube videos) and he said, "oh dear"..... and then told me he put all his thoughts of what's been happening the last few weeks into a letter and sent it to Pastor Fusspot that morning.

I called into the meeting at about 7.30. Three of us were attending via telephone, as only three of the other council members could make it to church. What followed was the most frustrating and stressful and drama-filled 90 minutes I've had this year.

Pastor Fusspot wants Mike gone. But he won't fire him because then Mike can claim unemployment benefits. So he has come up with a plan that will guarantee Mike quits. As I have noticed that Fusspot is fond of doing, he bends the truth to suit his side of things, misquotes members of the congregation to back himself up, and at one point even outright lied about someone in church telling him that Mike has been stirring "dissension" within the congregation.

One council member expressed his concern (and not for the first time) that Mike leaving the church could destroy what took us several years to build back up. Myself and one of the other council members (who is a drummer in the band) seconded this notion. One council member declined to offer a real opinion. Two of the council members--both members of our church since it started back in the 80's--lean more towards Pastor Fusspot's side out of loyalty to the church itself.

When the meeting was headed to its end and Pastor Fusspot demanded we each weigh in on his plan, I expressed a desire to be left out of that vote. I was honest--I said I think I'm too close to this situation to be objective about it, especially since Mike and his wife are two of my closest friends. The drummer agreed with me. But Pastor Fusspot wouldn't have it. In the end, me and the drummer were basically forced into an "ok fine do it" and the meeting was adjourned.

I did not tell Mike details of what happened in the meeting, but I told him enough so that he was forewarned. But then this morning I was like f**k it.

I'm done. I am done with Pastor Fusspot's constant stream of bullsh*t, I am done with his awful sermons. I am done with his total lack of respect for women. I am done with him treating everyone who has been trying to help him like they do not matter. He does have a few good qualities, but at this point it is apparent that he will never compromise enough for those qualities to do any good in the church.

I feel horrible about this. If Mike leaves the church, the band goes with him. The two teenage girls on backing vocals will remain because of their parents. The drummer/other council member could go either way, but I can see him following us out the door. New Guy on the keyboard might stay behind, but based on the fact that he and his wife have become good friends with Mike and his wife, I doubt it.

On top of that, our families will leave with us. Pastor Fusspot has to know this. No one can be that stupid.

So in one ill-advised action, Pastor Fusspot has lost his church their worship team, two of the only people in the congregation who know how to work the sound board, the person in charge of coffee and snacks in the cafe who also organizes almost all of our big events, several of the people who volunteer at all out our outreach events, two council members, two Church Board members..... basically if the church was a chair, he just cut off three of its legs.

I'm starting to have heart palpitations, so I think I'll stop now. If you've made it this far, I give you a virtual hug. Because I think I need a hug.

*Once upon a time I tried getting involved with leading Youth Group. I just wanted maybe one weekend a month, to get the kids doing arts and music and whatnot. My request was not even denied by Pastor Fusspot, it was ignored. And then a month later Pastor Fusspot hands total control of Youth Group to Lil Bro#2 for the entire summer, and Lil Bro#2 didn't even ask for it.

**April told me afterwards when we met for a few beers one evening that she had tried to set up a sort of sub group of Youth Group to get the kids involved with music. This was also ignored.

My drive to work this morning:

That haze is not fog, it is actually so much snow I could barely see the car in front of me.

Yes, I was using my phone whilst driving. But I am always sure to make certain there are no cars beside or behind me so that if I should hit a deer, I won't ruin anyone else's day.*

I do not understand the weather.

My new license plates finally arrived.

I'll let y'all work that one out yourselves.


The Simple Cat has discovered that heat comes out of the vent above the stove when the oven is on.

It is now her favourite sleeping spot. 

^I posted that picture in a facebook group (of which I am no longer a member) for crazy cat ladies and was more or less crucified for it. It's so upsetting!! How could I do that to my cat?!?! 

Yes, I am that freaking stupid that I would allow my cat to get burned. 

I f**king hate everyone seriously


This coming Sunday is Ugly Sweater Day at church. I have sacrificed my own sweater, which is the ugliest sweater in creation, for Lil Bro#2 to wear. 

He has actually been wearing it out in public and it is now his favourite article of clothing.

Earlier this week, Lil Bro#2 reviewed Fatal Attraction.

Christmas is rapidly approaching and I don't even care. I decorated Mum's house and put up her tree, threw some fairy lights around the apartment, and decorated the office, but I'm just not feeling it.

The office dog even got decorated.

Listen to this band, they are phenomenal:



































*At this point, I am fairly certain that I am unkillable. After 3 attempts, one unintentional overdose, thousands of accumulated prayers for death, and countless accidents that would have given the Lord ample opportunity to kill me, I somehow remain alive. 

Some things I accomplish when both bosses are away on vacation:

A month's worth of backed up filing.

Making jewelry.

Took me a while to get the hang of it because the tutorials I found online be like:

I found this cool pair of antique scissors in the tin of embroidery thread I bought 3 years ago and forgot about.

I fixed my sunglasses.*

And I made this totally sweet sculpture out of white-out.

In other news.......

One of my best friends got married Saturday. She began planning it the Monday before. (They've been engaged for like 6 years.) It was just for immediate family; I was the only friend present because she wanted me to take photos.

Quote of the day: "This is really just about having a photo shoot for my nails."

She did them herself and they perfectly matched her dress. (She wore black, he wore white.)

On Sunday I tried chatting with the Pesto Man. He does not seem remotely interested, which is not surprising at all because it's me and good things never ever ever ever happen to me where boys are concerned.

This coming Saturday, Loud Auntie and Anorexic Auntie are coming to stay for a week.

 Lil Bro#2 also comes home forever on Wednesday. I'm super excited. We've already planned our first trespassing adventure.

SEPTEMBER STARTS THIS WEEK!

:D

Which means summer is almost over.

And pumpkin spice season will soon be upon us.

:D :D :D

But perhaps most exciting of all, WOVENHAND'S NEW ALBUM COMES OUT ON SEPTEMBER 5TH. 

They just released another single from the album and it's really freaking amazing. I've already pre-ordered the album on vinyl. 

What did y'all get up to over the weekend?

*I sat on them.

I'm Going to Complain Now, Episode 77

 A couple people have inquired as to my well-being, so I figured I’d check in…

No news, I’m afraid. We went camping again last weekend. It kind of sucked, as it was 1,000 degrees out and then we got hit with a monster thunderstorm the second night. At least this time we were all in the camper.

It’s still 1,000 degrees. Praise the Lord, the summer is nearly over. I need to move somewhere with a nicer climate. Every day the weather is disgusting and hot, I check in on the weather in my dream location.

or 7 degrees C

It seems they are finally coming out of their three months without sunsets.

I’m counting the days until both Lil Bros come home at the end of August (even though Lil Bro#1 is only home for 2 weeks before leaving for grad school in Georgia >:O )

We plan on finally recording some songs together. Last weekend, Lil Bro#1 opined that “We could probably do some Tool songs, a couple of them don’t sound that hard,” to which Lil Bro#2 replied, “Astrophysics doesn’t seem all that hard, we could totally build our own quadjumper no problem.”**

We'll probably be covering a couple murder ballads, only tweaking the lyrics so the woman is telling the tale of killing her unfaithful husband. Because I am sick and tired of all these murder ballads about dudes killing their unfaithful wives.

You know what really tees me the eff off? The fact that I have to do this whenever someone is covering for me at the office:

It never ceases to blow my mind just how many people are

sooooooo

feckinnnggggggg

STUPID.

I swear, every encounter with these people shortens my lifespan a little bit. Like the people who can’t figure out how to sign their names on the line above their name, where the sticker says “sign here.”

That’s why we go through a lot of these stickers:

One time, I had to make an MS Paint picture of this lady's legal documents, with color-coded circles and arrows just to explain to her how to sign her name on the signature line, and get her signature notarized.

And I sh*t you not guys

SHE SIGNED THE MS PAINT PICTURES AND DIDN'T GET ANYTHING NOTARIZED.

This woman is the principal of a school. Like she is left in charge of running an entire school and she can’t even figure out how to sign her name on a signature line.

 Ugh.

**There will be no forthcoming Tool covers, because Lil Bro#2 only has one pair of arms for drumming, and I would need at least 1 extra bass player to mimic Tool’s sound because no one plays the bass like that.

Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise it all comes down.

I did not get the apartment. I'm seeing another one this Sunday in Unionville, which is one of my dream spots, so I'm going to presume I won't get this one either.

In other news, I have quit quitting smoking.

To quote Bridget Jones's father, I take great comfort in the fact that they might kill me before things actually get worse.

However

now that they want me singing regularly at church, I'm thinking about quitting smoking again.

Mumsy was out last night, so I took the opportunity to practice Sunday's songs (mostly because they're all permanently stuck in my head now). After nearly an hour of belting out Christian songs, I discovered that Mumsy had left all of the windows open. My neighbours have been thoroughly evangelized.

I've been in a weird mood this week. 

Art production has slowed, but still plodding along. I have a list of everyone who has requested art, so I shan't forget any of you.

In general I think I'm just..... tired.

An update later this weekend maybe. Now I have to go help Bossman load several hundred thousand dollars worth of [probably stolen] artwork into a Russian mobster's car.

Set me up and watch me unwind.

I felt like I had something to say earlier, but it seems to have escaped me. Therefore this post is going to be a sort of stream-of-consciousness ramble.

Right at this moment (15.15 on Tuesday afternoon), my biggest dilemma is currently whether or not to have another cup of coffee.

I think I will. Hold on while I go next door and steal the kettle....

.........

Why does the second cup of coffee of the day never taste as good as the first?

I need the coffee to resist the little box of horrors we received from the office supply people today.

So I had a lovely weekend upstate with Lil Bro#2. We didn't do much--some antique shopping, finding places to eat (there is very little up there in the way of culinary experiences), and walking around Letchworth State Park. Check out the photos, that place is amazing.

The white & red house at the end of the photo album is apparently haunted, so let me know if you spot any ghosts hanging about.

  

When I returned to the office yesterday (after taking only one day off), I had to sort my way through this:

I also had a surprise waiting for me from one of our nicer clients ("Broken Lots of Mirrors" category)

This thing is the size of a football. And in total contains about 4,000 calories of Brazilian chocolate.

  

I've had a very small piece so far, but in all honesty I'm still feeling kind of struggly with food. Some family members and friends have made comments about weight loss, and over the weekend Dadum and Stepmom kept trying to make me eat without commenting on the fact that I don't eat.

I don't know. It's not about losing weight. It's about dealing with stress, I guess. I try to eat, but most of the time I just ..............can't. Coffee with cream for breakfast. Maybe a second coffee for lunch. Some grilled chicken and a beer for dinner. That's usually it on weekdays.

I am now on so much medication you can hear my purse rattling from like 100 yards away.

Antidepressants, mood stabilizers, sedatives, tummy pills. If you're crazy and you know it, shake your meds.

 In other more positive news, Westley & the Witches has been reviewed by the lovely Janie Junebug.

And Elk's little book of illustrations also has its first review from Holly Hearts Art.

I think that's all I've got.