Bugs

I really don't have a problem with the giant mutant cricket population in my basement. I mean, they're only crickets. Granted they're like 100 times larger than the average cricket and can jump ten feet in the air, but they're harmless really.

I think they might be called camel crickets.

However, I DO have a problem with the giant mutant centipedes.

Generally, I kind of like bugs. With the exception of earthworms (I have a truly epic phobia of them, to the point where I will actually vomit if there's too many of them on the ground), I think bugs are kind of cool. Like the praying mantis (mantises?). Friggin awesome.

But the house centipede (Scutigera coleoptrata)? No.

I was cleaning out the kitties' litterbox in the basement this evening, and one of these bastards assaulted me from behind:

My reaction was predictably girly: "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

But there is an effective way of dealing with these things. As a rule, I won't kill bugs, but the house centipede is not a bug. It's Creature of Darkness that must be destroyed. And it can be destroyed by the following method:

1. Keep house centipede in sight at all times. If this makes step 2 impossible, you'll have to skip ahead to step 3.
2. Have a can of hairspray ready, just to stun it a bit in case it makes an attempt to flee.
3. Get a weapon - a good, heavy object like a book, or a large boot. Whatever is closest and will cause maximum bodily harm.
4. Take aim and throw weapon. Do not miss.
5. Run.
6. Wait at least 10 seconds, then go and assess the damage. If the Creature still lives, repeat step 4.
7. Do not bother to dispose of the remains. House centipedes are Evil, and so their bodies completely dissolve after being squashed, presumably returning to the darkest regions of Hell.
8. Douse the room with Raid just in case there's more. Sleep with the hairspray on your nightstand.