Ugh

My wonderful loving father informed me today that he's too busy to see my older sister and me on Father's Day. He and Wife #3 and my brothers have plans to go to Wife3's parents. My sis and I are not invited. But if we really want, he'll be home after 2 hours of church at around 11.30, and as they're not leaving for Wife3's parents' house until 12, we are permitted to come and stop by for half an hour.

I live an hour away.

And of course I made the enormous mistake of telling my mother about this. Thus ensued a diatribe against the Father (which is entirely justified), during which she basically called me a giant wuss and a pussy and a pushover for not telling my father what an asshole he has turned into since he was Saved. Then she declared that it's obviously all her fault, she never does anything right anyway, she should just kill herself, etc. (this has been her theme song for 2 decades). When I tried to calmly tell her that NO, it's not all her fault, and NO I do not think it's all her fault, she shouted at me for attacking her. I have no choice but to shut up when she gets like this. If I argue, she'll only get louder and louder to drown me out. So I sit and seethe and wallow in my own silent rage against myself.

::stupid/useless/fat/worthless/ugly/fat/stupid/weak::

I am too aggravated to even feel slightly hungry, so I can at least see the bright side of things.


Some bad poetry:

The Queen is in the Counting House,
counting this, counting that.
The Queen is in the Counting House,
counting every ounce of fat.
She wages war upon herself;
For her there's no repast.
The Queen will count her life away
In coffin made of glass.