I think everyone who hates grocery shopping hates it for the same reasons, so instead of rambling on in the normal fashion, I shall now attempt some poetry:
I actually kind of like grocery shopping.
It highlights all of my most efficient qualities,
like writing the list in the order of the aisles in the shop
and then never using the list because I memorized it,
and of course when I get home,
carrying all twelve bags in at once
because I don't feel like making more than one trip.
But seriously people
can you not leave your shopping cart across the aisle
completely blocking my way
and then get pissed at me for moving it
when you ignored my polite attempts at
Your filthy ill-mannered children
should be strapped into the shopping cart,
or perhaps you could just leave them at home.
I know you have a nanny.
No one with three screaming children
wears Gucci spike heels
and spotless white Dior pant suits
unless they have a nanny.
You know how when you approach an intersection
in your car or on foot,
you stop and look both ways
to make sure you don't get hit by an oncoming truck?
One would think that rule might also apply
to the end of the aisles in the supermarket.
YES, I am in fact quiet short.
And I would appreciate it if you didn't judge me
when I need to climb the shelves
because of course the item I want
is always on the top shelf.
Unless there is something legitimately wrong with you
I don't understand
why you can't
just bag your own effing groceries.
People like you will die first
when the zombies come.
Why the hell don't any of these supermarkets
Some of us eat those.
It's Sunday afternoon.
Everyone does their food shopping on Sunday afternoon.
So why are there only two cashiers working?
My life is not exciting.
And I know that you know
because the only things I'm buying
are vodka and cat food.