Friday, April 4, 2014

D is for Dogs

Sometimes I like other people's dogs. Big dogs are nice because they are generally calmer and quieter than little dogs. Like Anorexic Auntie's dogs--she always kept golden retrievers and they were lovely. Then she got this horrible terrier thing that barked non-stop and snapped at everyone. 

Ginger Upstairs has a nice big dog, and it's a good thing I'm ok with big dogs, because 7 times out of 10, I walk outside my door and come face to face with a GIANT f*cking pitbull. He likes to come say hi. Oftentimes in a sweater.

Peter is lovely, and possibly one of the best trained dogs I have ever met.

So yeah some dogs are nice, but I could never ever have a dog. I'm just not a dog person. Even if their other qualities didn't put me off, the smell alone would probably drive me to animal abuse.

DOGS SMELL FREAKING AWFUL.

I can't handle it. Even around dogs that I like, I can't inhale or I'll start gagging, and I don't even have a gag reflex. So you better believe if I had a dog living in my house, it would be banned from everywhere, and left to live outside (or maybe in the laundry room in the winter). I have been told that this is cruel, but pretty much all of my Irish relatives with dogs have never let the dogs inside....

The other thing I can't handle with dogs is the stupid.

They're all stupid. Even the "smart" ones, like German Shepherds; they're just slightly less stupid than average. This is of course our fault as humans--over the many centuries of breeding domestic dogs, we have stamped out all of their survival instincts. Which means they can't really be left alone for extended periods of time.

Like seriously, I can't think of any other animal on earth (except humans) that will actually eat itself to death if given enough food. Or eat objects that are definitely not food, which then requires surgery to remove said object from its stomach. And eat the same thing AGAIN after fully recovering from surgery, thus necessitating more surgery (a friend's dog did that FOUR times before the last time killed it).

I am most definitely a cat person.

18 comments:

  1. A lot of people will say that dogs are smarter than cats, but you make an excellent point about the survival thing. I didn't even think of that. A fish will also eat itself to death. My cats tend to leave a bit of food in their bowl. Sometimes they'll eat it later, and sometimes they won't. I like dogs, but I'm definitely more of a cat person.

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  2. Growing up, our dumb Lab ate a bag of wonder bread, bread and bag. We noticed something that looked like a wipe protruding...you get the idea. I don't have a dog.

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  3. Dogs are awesome creatures, but the fact that they depend solely on us for their health and well being is quite daunting. It is similar to raising a child that never grows past 3 years old.

    We both had a similar idea for the A-Z today.

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  4. Kitty litter blows. That's my only real complaint about cats. I prefer dogs, and you're right...there are some dumb ones out there. Thankfully, mine are relatively bright.

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  5. a pit bull in a sweater, that is adorable.

    Not a big fan of the smell myself. Our dog isn't allowed upstairs. I like to think he's somewhat intelligent, but when he eats cardboard boxes out of the garbage I admit I think he might be a tad simple.

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  6. holy shit that is one cute doggie drawing
    "Even if their other qualities didn't put me off, the smell alone would probably drive me to animal abuse." fuck i'm just laughing omg Mich you're perfect
    i'm not a cat person anymore because my cat is an asshole. i used to be a cat person. then my cat was an ass and i hate him and i want to kill him fuck you Christoph

    -Sam Lupin

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  7. So .... not a dog person then? LOL - right with you on the smell - bleurgh!
    Suzanne @ Suzannes Tribe
    xx

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  8. I can agree on the smell- LOL I have a big dog. His name is Deuce and he's a mastiff. I'm not a dog person but when he came into my life I became a Deuce person. :)

    Decadent Kane (blog)

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  9. Dogs can suck it. They do smell awful, and I think it has something to do with the fact that they adore eating poop. Which in itself is stupid. Cats are sooooo much better!

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  10. If your house is on fire, a dog will lead you out, or at least wake you up...a cat will watch from outside. If someone breaks in, a dag will protect you with his life...a cat will hide until the coast is clear. Other than that dogs are stupid.

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    1. Speaking from experience, there is a good chance that the dog will not in fact protect you with his life. My friend's greyhound brought the burglar his toys. Another friend's mutt just stood back and stared while his master got mugged.

      At least with a cat, you know for certain that you're on your own. ;)

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  11. And people who spell dog with an "a" are also stupid!

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  12. If you are raised around it, the smile is nothing (unless they toot)> And in Scrappy's case, the stupid makes it worthwhile. It's a pleasure to see someone do something dumb who actually has an excuse.

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  13. I love our feline friends too but then this might make you think twice! Check out Cat of the Week

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  14. That pup in a sweater is just too cute. Unless I get the Collie or Sheltie I was promised 27 years ago, I remain a cat person!

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  15. Oh, dear, also, it appears I am trying to eat and drink myself to death.

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  16. People who think that having the dog not be allowed inside is cruel are fucking idiots.

    If you live on a farm with 7 working dogs, none of the fuckers are EVER allowed in the house. (Unless you're a fuckwit who likes having sheepshit smeared on your carpet)

    I like dogs, but I'm not sure I'd have the patience to own one.

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  17. My sister told me she had a friend whose dog ate an entire king sized comforter. AN ENTIRE KING SIZED COMFORTER!!

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