Monday, April 7, 2014

F is for Fruit

I used to get scolded for not eating my fruit as a child. My parents or nanny would serve me an apple or orange or grapes or a banana, and I would flatly refuse to eat it.

Because fruit is disgusting.

I get sensitive with certain textures in foods, and I cannot handle food that is slimy and/or mushy. Like pretty much all fruit. Believe me, I have tried conquering this with oranges (sour ones--they don't taste bad if they're sour), but the mushiness actually makes me gag, and I don't even have a gag reflex.

The only fruit I can handle is apples (sour ones), but for whatever reason, despite consuming ridiculous amounts of apple pie, if I eat more than half of an actual apple, I will vomit. My stomach just refuses to digest it.

With some fruits, I can't even stand the smell without gagging. Bananas and all types of melons cause me a lot grief. Plus aside from the smell, bananas always make me think of Granny's odd eating habits: using a fork to smash her banana into mush, then smushing like 4 tablespoons of butter in with it and eating it out of a bowl. 

Just typing that made me gag.

Pears upset me a lot, too. Like if you even think about pears near me, I may vomit. They're the worst; I can't even look at pears.

Somehow, after nearly 30 years of this behavior, I have managed NOT to get scurvy.

12 comments:

  1. Wow... yeah how do you not have health issues from such a severe lack of fruit? Do you drunk fruit juice at all, or is that equally bad? I'm picky about fruit -- I love bananas but I'll only eat a specific kind of apple (granny smith), certain seedless grapes (usually green) and oranges if someone else cuts them up (they aren't worth the prep time for me). I'm okay with pears.

    I'm pretty adventurous with food. The only thing that makes me gag is hard boiled eggs. I can't even be near them, they're so smelly and slimy and gross. ::shudder::

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  2. I'm not a spectacular fan of fruit. I enjoy bananas and grapes, and can tolerate apples but that's about it.I just don't like the juicy sweetness of them. It gets my hands sticky too. Grapes are small so the juice doesn't get everywhere, and bananas don't have any. I used to enjoy peaches and pears but I haven't had any in years.

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  3. weirdo how can you not like fruit??? Strawberries are wonderful. All berries actually. YUM.

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    Replies
    1. I have a fun story I could tell you about berries, but you may never eat them again.

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  4. Two things. One, for someone who has no gag reflex, you sure gag a lot (remembering the D post).

    Two, When I rolled down to the comment box to write #1, the box said, "Your comment has been published." Does this blog run on backwards time?

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    Replies
    1. ....I have no way to further clarify the no-gag-reflex thing without making me sound incredibly eating disordered and/or a huge harlot...

      My blog hears you think before you think. Don't question it.

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    2. Yessssssss, Mich, you tell them!

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. I totally understand how you feel about food. I have the same feelings about all condiments or any sauce. The number one hated thing is Mayo. I can't stand when someone says "Oh just try it." I want to yell FU! You eat It! Some people just don't get it.

    http://leelyonsauthentic.blogspot.com

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  7. Aww, I love fruit but not all kinds. For instance, Kiwi looks gross to me. But I love everything else, just about. But I understand what you mean. I feel the exact same way about sushi.

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  8. Kiwi = bloated mouse corpse. But now you have me wanting pears...

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  9. I can't STAND mashed bananas. Slimy and foul.

    It's stone fruit that does me in. Fruit shouldn't be fuzzy! Nectarines and cherries are ok, anything fuzzy can fuck RIGHT off.

    Does that mean you won't try my pear chutney? -.- We may have a fight on our hands.

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