Saturday, October 30, 2010

I want you to set a fire so goddamn big, the gods'll notice us again, that's what I'm sayin'. I want all of you boys to be able to look me straight in the eye one more time and say: ARE WE HAVING FUN OR WHAT?!?

<3 Top Dollar. Michael Wincott is HOT.

Happy Devil's Night y'all!!

Check out the awesome cookies I made:
~40 cals each. I made 150 of them for Friend's Halloween party. 

And my hair is all prepped:

Sorry for the short manic post! More later, with full costume pics, and the recipe for those cookies, as well as the pumpkin soup recipe I made yesterday.


Friday, October 29, 2010

Vanishing Acts...

96 pounds this morning. Funny how I seem to lose weight faster when I exercise less. Since I ran out of painkillers, I'm making a serious effort not to purchase more. I never use them for fun--only for working out, but that makes it incredibly difficult to go back to working out without substances. I need to ease up on the workouts anyway, because my already damaged left Achilles tendon does not like 2 hour workouts. I also don't want to build too much muscle. 
As much as I love Beth Phoenix, I don't really want muscles. It's just not my thing. That's why I've stopped all arm and tummy exercises. I just want solid, with no wobbly bits. I don't want muscle definition. 

I fit into children's clothing. As it turns out, I've actually fit into children's clothing for quite some time (just barely 5'1" and pretty tiny build...). I always knew I could squeeze into kids' shirts, but now I'm comfortable in a medium (age 8/10), and fit into Mudd trousers in girls size 10. I think they run kind of big, though, because I tried on a pair of girls' Levi's for comparison and could not squeeze my wobbly arse into the 12's. 'Tis awesome, though; because it opens whole new shopping possibilities.... Like yesterday, for example--I FINALLY found a pair of dark green cords, in the kids' section at Kohl's. :D

When will it be enough? What's the magic number that means I'm officially Thin? The lower the number on the scale gets, the more terrified I am of it climbing again. Last Christmas, for example, I was around 105 when the holidays started, and wasn't too fussed about climbing back to 110 (I needed a break, and I can't resist Christmas--it makes me high on life). Once I got up to 111, I panicked and started starving again. Now the thought of going back up to 100 makes me panic. I don't want to lose my hair or or grow fur or lapse into kidney failure. Will I be able to stop before I hit that point? And where is that point? It worries me somewhat, because it is in my nature to fixate and obsess and to push things as far as I possibly can (you should have seen my drug collection when I was 15...). If and when I hit the point of severe health problems, will I want to recover? Sorry to be a Negative Nancy. I'm just thinking aloud....

And with that in mind...
I know it is the nature of the blogging community that some bloggers just disappear or fade away, never to be heard from again. I've tried getting to know all of you through your blogs, and so I do notice when someone stops posting. These lovely ladies have not posted in about a month:
- Sunlit
- Ell
- Rose
- Sadhana (she did mention taking a blog break, but I still miss her...)
- Arexisaurus (she never posted that often while I was following her, but it's been 5 weeks...)
- Kitty
- Zen
- Marbleyes (where are you?!?! :*O)
- Analise
- Dreams.and.Bones
- Houseofmir[thin] (I know her parents found her blog--does anyone know if she has a new one?)
- Cherry
- Lullabyehaze
- Knockout
- Fleur (her blog has vanished :*o)
- Windusa
- Hollow (she's hasn't posted for AGES!!)
- Miss B (she's been AWOL even longer...)
- Lola Anais
- Nika Nikol
- Lydia Lightly
- Skeleton Strong

Thought you could vanish and no one would notice, ay? I hope y'all are doing well, and just got sick of blogging. :-* If anyone has any updates on these lovely gals, please comment!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Well I'll tell you, boy--There ain't no secret door!!!!

97 pounds this morning!!!! :D I am officially underweight. I would like to hit 95 by Thanksgiving, and 90 by Christmas because I know Christmas will make me huge and I need some room for weight gain that won't make me flip out. 

I just added the photos from the 5-mile hike to my website. Check 'em out!!

My brother is all over Youtube:
What the f*ck.

I'm only keeping that link up for like a day or two, so WATCH THE VIDEOS because Little Bro #2 (who is 16) is fantastic. The Justin Beiber one made me laugh. And there's lots of playing Slayer on Guitar Hero, and driving lessons with my father. -_-

Went to dad's yesterday for Little Bro #1's 18th birthday. I love comparing and contrasting the conversations between my mothers.

Convo with actual mother (Mum) yesterday evening:
Mum: (on the phone with my anorexic Auntie) "Yes, she's gone very thin." ::glares at me:: "Your Aunt says you look gaunt in the photos from [Little Sis's] Sweet 16."

That particular Aunt has been starving herself since the 1960's, has been in hospital twice, and now weighs roughly 80 pounds. Plus she's taller than I am.

Me: ::tries to restrain self..... fails:: "TALK ABOUT THE POT AND THE BLOODY KETTLE."

I feel kind of bad, because this week Mum thinks I'm just on a healthy diet (she switches back and forth between that and thinking I have a Problem), and Mum herself is supposed to be eating healthier (mega fail). Like the other night, she made chicken pieces with Shake n' Bake, rice, and a Caesar salad. While she and Little Sis stuffed their faces with that, I cut all the skin off a piece of chicken, cut up some breast meat, and stuck it in a different salad with just a drop of fat free honey mustard dressing and some crushed pecans (total of about 250 cals). According to her doctor, Mum's supposed to be trying to lose 15 pounds. She also used to have eating issues (she spent most of the 1970's living on the odd cracker and piece of cheese: "I was just on a DIET."). I hope she follows my example in eating healthy rather than straight up starving...

Convo with Step-Mom later yesterday evening:
Step-Mom: (as I'm walking in the door) "I think you're even skinner than last time I saw you!"
Me: :/
Step-Mom: "I'm so jealous. You look great!!!"

Right on.

Some yummy snacks for y'all:

This has been around for a while, but it never occurred to me to actually purchase some. 60 cals per packet, and the soup is DELICIOUS. Creamy and yummy and comfort food-ish. 

This is what I sneak into the cinema when I go see movies (which is quite often, as we get free cinema tickets from the cable company). 100 cals per bag (popped). I like to add a little Season All and salt. 

We've had this in the cupboard for a while and I just forgot about it until the other day. It's 5 cals per teaspoon, and you really don't need that much to make hot cocoa. I used 2 teaspoons, some splenda, and 1 tbsp of fat free half & half (whole drink was 20 cals). It tastes like a friggin brownie. 

Little Sis got me onto these. 60 cals each, and if you're like me it takes an hour to eat just one. 

Cinnamon tea that's also like a gentle laxative? You can't really go wrong. 

Have a wonderful day, ladies!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Nightmares, Nanners, and Art...

Still 98 pounds, praise be to god....

I keep having weird dreams about my extended family. Like last night, I dreamt that my aunt and uncle and cousins told me and Little Sis we should go to their house for Thanksgiving (I stress a lot about Thanksgiving, because each year it makes me realize more and more that the father and step-mother dislike my presence at family functions). So Aunt and Uncle invited us and we said ok (even though they're in Ireland and do not have Thanksgiving), but then their house was in the middle of this ridiculous swamp, and the only way to get there was by trying to cross these crazy, mostly rotten wooden plank-bridge things. And there were alligators in the water. Then of course when we finally made it to the house, I was too scared to eat because I didn't know how many calories were in everything, but that happens in like every dream.

Snack time!
I took 2 regular-sized bananas and cut them into very thin slices, which I placed on parchment paper. 

I sprinkled half of them with a little cinnamon and splenda, and baked them in the oven at 200 degrees Fahrenheit (~94 degrees Centigrade), turning them over every half hour. 

After about 2 hours, I had banana chips.
 (I should have cooked them longer, as a lot of them weren't quite crispy enough.) The cinnamon splenda ones were definitely yummier than the plain.

I shall be trying Almost.Skinny's frozen fruit one day this week, in my continuing effort to eat fruit without gagging. I hate fruit. Too sweet, and too mushy. I'd rather have a steak, thanks. But I also don't want scurvy, so methinks I should step up my efforts to eat more fruit... There shall also be some more yummy recipes up--Mum wants me to make her pumpkin soup, and I found a recipe for almond milk ice cream. I know we have an ice cream maker somewhere, so I'm definitely trying that one...

I've started work on Peri's patch:
You can't see the pencil marks for where the actual embroidery is going, but I'll keep posting pics as my work progresses. That's just the background. I'll be painting another layer before it gets sprayed and the edges painted so it doesn't start fraying, then the actual embroidery shall begin. 

And it will be epic.

f*ckedUpAppendix, thanks doll! And I can definitely relate to parents favouring the other kids. Mum treats Little Sis like a princess. And of course Dad favours his boys. I'm in the middle of 6 kids, so I never had much a chance. 

Eloise18, my Mum is the same way. She still offers me cheese, even though she should know at this point that I HATE cheese and have always hated it. 

Arianateaspoon, and Leto; I'm glad there's others out there who love the Sword in the Stone! :D I used to watch that movie like every day when I was little. I'm pretty sure it's one of the reasons I'm so unhinged. 

Tracy, hope you survive your parents!! <3

And Morbid.Diathesis, Honor Regzig, Depressed Skinny Mess, bonesarepure, Lilah Lee, Sofiasaurr, Kennedy, All.That.Wander.Are.Not.Lost, Amy, Sarah, and The Next Best Thing--thanks so much for all your kind words! You gals are the best. :-*

Off to exercise. Have a lovely day (or night)!! <3

Monday, October 25, 2010

Guess who ate like an edacious wolverine this weekend?

Yes, that's right: I did.

Friday sucked. Saturday was passable. And then last night I broke down and ate all the cereal in the house.
I was doing so well. What the eff happened?!? I'll tell you what happened.

Little Sis is sick (Mum says it's bronchitis, but it sounds like she's got the consumption the way she's coughing, so I've been trying not to go near her). And when Little Sis is sick/sad/anything-other-than-blissfully-happy, Mum must do all in her power to make Little Sis feel better. [I never received this treatment, so it perplexes me somewhat.] So last night, Mum told Little Sis she'd make her or buy her whatever the heck she wanted for dinner, and Little Sis demanded spinach and artichoke dip from a nearby restaurant. 

That was fine with me--I'd had only turkey bacon, coffee, and some Jell-O mousse and was saving my cals for a Lean Cuisine and perhaps a bit of ice cream afterwards. Plus, everything from that specific restaurant makes me incredibly ill, so I wouldn't really have been tempted anyway. 

But Step-dad goes through these weird mood swings where he tries to be Mr. Nice Guy in his futile attempts to get me on His Side. [The War of Mum and Men is a long one....]. Step-dad goes to pick up Little Sis's food, and comes back with a Cornish hen for me. Apparently it was on the specials, and he knows I like Cornish hens.

 I know that from the outside, this looks like a nice kind little gesture, but Step-dad not only KNOWS that I do not eat large meals, he also knows that all food from that restaurant makes me sick. So he gets me a whole bollocky Cornish hen, with carb-filled stuffing and veggies that are covered in grease. 

Thanks a lot.

To be polite (because my other set of parents [Dad and Step-mom] violently drilled manners into me at an early age) I took the dinner with a smile and decided to just pick at the chicken. Meat is safe, because it has little to no carbs. But did I succeed in just picking? OF COURSE NOT. I go into starved wolverine mode, and devour the entire box of food. 
That's furry, kind of freaky-lookin' animal wolverine, 
not the hot ultimate man Wolverine.

He wouldn't give me the time of day, because I'm FAT.

And then I had some ice cream. And some fiber bars. And then all the effing cereal in the house. 

Oh and guess what? Dinner made me sick. Not sick enough to vomit (lucky me!), just sick enough to have heartburn and stomach pain all night, so I could roll around my bed covered in a cold sweat until everything finally passed through my digestive system with all the subtlety of a hydrogen bomb. I emptied an entire bottle of Christmas-flavoured Febreeze into the befouled air of the bathroom, so now the whole upstairs reeks like holiday cheer. And I wish I had the willpower to starve myself to death. 

I'm not depressed or suicidal or anything. I'm just out of control, and I hate it. But today is Monday, and I WILL NOT lose control again. 

At least not until the weekend.

I'm also out of drugs again, so I'll have to exercise naturally. >:( Oh hang it all!!!

I like this:
 Anorexia mirabilis (or holy anorexia): (medieval Europe): severe restriction of food intake, associated with experience of religious devotion.

There's lots of other weird anxiety disorders I never knew about...

Saturday, October 23, 2010


Morbid.Diathesis mentioned androgyny in her last post, and got me thinking about how much I love androgynous people. I've had a Tilda Swinton fixation ever since I saw Constantine

And I always enjoyed Brian Molko, the singer of Placebo...

HUGE binge last night. :*(  McDonald's chicken sammich, fries, and chocolate milkshake were involved, but thankfully my tummy decided to reject the combo of grease and dairy, and what didn't get puked back up is being purged via Ex-Lax. Even so, most of it still went through my digestive system. 

I need to come up with some kind of plan for the weekends. I'm thinking of maybe upping the calorie allowance to 1,000, just so I don't get out of control. One day of binging on weekends usually won't make me gain, but I tend to binge ALL weekend long, which makes me gain quite a bit. And then I feel disgusting. What do you gals do to stop binging on weekends? I need some ideas to test...

This is kind of random, but I took a short walk at like 6.00 this morning because my sinuses were ON FIRE from the central heating (word of advice--don't put shite up your nose; your sinuses will never be the same). One of my neighbours was walking her little snappy yappy lap dog on one of those leads that can extend if the dog keeps walking farther away. You can press a button to stop the lead from getting longer, but this lady was on her phone (who the heck is she calling at 6 AM??) and wasn't paying attention, so she let her Pomeranian or whatever the heck it was just wander across the street, straight towards Yours Truly. 

I don't like little dogs. They don't like me either. With the exception of my friend's 2 Daschunds, me and little dogs just don't get along. Perhaps they can sense the Evil in me better than their large canine brethren?

Whatever the reason, my neighbour's dog looks at me, starts barking and growling like a feckin' wild animal, and makes a beeline for my ankle.

Me, to neighbour: "OI!! Control that thing!!!!"

She looked at me like I had done something horrific. Like seriously? I love animals, but if that furry little spawn of hell tries to savage me, I will kick it. I know that probably makes me sound like a terrible person, but little dogs have sharp little teeth, and sharp little teeth can do a lot of damage. I have a scar on my calf to prove it.

Big dogs are much nicer. I'm definitely more of a Rottweiler/Doberman/Pitbull sort of person.   Pitbulls are my absolute favourite breed of puppies. My cousin has 3 of them, and I want to steal Athena:
 She's the sweetest dog EVER!!! I hate how people assume all pitbulls are horrible and vicious. Athena would never hurt anyone. She's amazing with children, and my cuz has 9 cats in the same house as her 3 pits. I'm actually pretty sure Athena thinks she's a cat. She likes to try and curl up on people's laps, even though she's kind of big for that...

As much as I think I would really like a dog, I'm not entirely sure I should have one. I have a dark gift when it comes to dogs. The mark of a well-trained dog is not just how well it obeys, but also how well it resists the influence of a pack leader other than it's master. Very very few doggies can resist my influence. I can make your dog nuts in under 10 seconds. There's this thing called a F.R.A.P. (frenetic random activity period)--when younger dogs just turn into total lunatics and run in circles. They're supposed to grow out of it. I can make almost any dog frap without much effort. I used to make Cousin's pits all crazy when she brought them over on weekends, but she has somehow managed to train them against me. >:(

I totally could have been a dog whisperer if I wasn't so deranged. :D

Friday, October 22, 2010

Don't wiz on the electric fence.

So after that last post about my recklessness, I thought I'd share a story with you all: one of the tales of why my friends were often banned from playing with me. :D

Dad used to live on this really lovely little private street. We had lots of woods for wandering, only a few neighbours, and a few of those neighbours had horses. Google maps hasn't caught up to that house yet, or I'd post a photo. I was DEVASTATED when Dad had to move ($$ problems...) in 1998. 

I had lots of nearby friends at Dad's house, and spent pretty much every weekend there. There was Jess (1 yr younger, across the street), and then the kids down the street (Jason-3 yrs older; Peggy-1 yr older; and Jackie-2 yrs younger). We all played together a lot, but mostly me, Jess, and Jackie because Jason was a boy and had other boy friends, and Peggy had an attitude and thought she was better than everyone else. But there was this one time when I was like 10 years old when myself, Jess (9), Jackie (8), and Jason (13) were playing in the woods and we decided to go check out the neighbors' horses.

The guy next door to Dad's house had like 8 horses, and he was totally ok with us going to wander in his fields, petting and feeding the horses, and playing with the cat in the barn. But the guy at the end of the street was not so friendly and forbid us kids from going anywhere near his house. 

Naturally, I wanted to go check out the horses at the end of the street. 

I don't know if this guy's horses were badly behaved escape artists, or if the owner was just paranoid, but he had them in a pretty decent-sized enclosure in the back yard with an electric wire running along the top of the fence. 

Now one would think that it being 3 against 1, and Jason being the oldest and the only boy, I would not have had such persuasive powers over the others. But somehow I managed to convince them that we should all touch the electric fence. Not only that, but we should have a contest--let's see who can hold on to the electric wire for the longest amount of time. 

Thankfully, the voltage was not that high. At first you didn't feel anything when you grabbed the wire, but then after a second I guess the charge built up. And it was like a ZAP through your whole body that actually made it impossible to hang on to the wire. The electric charge forced us to kind of leap away from it after a few seconds.

I held on the longest. 

Jess, however, did not enjoy the game. Idk if she held on too long, or was just more sensitive to the electricity or what, but she like burned the palms of her hands and went running down the street, crying all the way to her house. Jess was an only child with very high-strung parents, and her parents and I had many a run-in regarding my choice of "games."

Me, Jason, and Jackie were like oh crap. Now we're all in trouble. Solution? RUN back to Jason and Jackie's house, hide in the basement and pretend we were playing video games the whole time. 

Totally didn't work. Jess's parents called Dad and Stepmom. I think Jess tried to cover for me, but her parents knew me too well by then. Dad picked me up from Jason and Jackie's house, made a show of telling me off in front of them and their parents, and then we got in his car to go home. 

As soon as he shut the door and started driving away, he started laughing like a crazy person and asked me how electrocuted we all got from the fence. 

Good times. :) 

I don't usually do thinspo, but I can't resist...

Emily Browning is just too pretty NOT to post pics!

I'm loving her short hair!

Ok, I'm done. :D

Someone buy me this. 

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Reckless Endangerment.

Awesome hike yesterday. By my pedometer's count, we did more than 5 miles. I went through 5 rolls of 35mm film (4 colour, 3 black & white). Many lovely photos of the foliage and the castles. I'm taking them to get developed today, so I should have them back by the weekend, and my lazy arse will have them uploaded onto the website by sometime in 2012. 

Just kidding. :D Imma get the peeps at Bergen County Camera to put all the photos on a CD, which will save me several hours of scanning and fixing. 

My tree that I planned on climbing is no more. It would appear that he has fallen down. 
There he was--dead and petrified and super creepy, standing majestically atop the mountain. I had my bungee cord and everything, to get to the first branch (I'm only 5' 1"--I couldn't quite reach it from the ground). I planned on climbing all the way to the top so I could take an awesome photo of the surrounding mountains and valleys from a greater height.

But in the end, it's probably a good thing I did not climb all the way to the top, because there is a large chance that the tree would have toppled, sending me sprawling off the cliff to my death. I'll just add this to the list of things the Almighty has done to intervene with my reckless behavior. There's been several incidents at this point--odd coincidences where random acts of Nature have stopped my adventurous plans. Like that one time we were in Ireland for the summer, and the tide stayed in for like 3 days. I wanted to cross the black sinky sand to go play with the seals at Oileán Rua on the other side of the bay, but in order to do that one must cross a stretch of black sand that is basically quicksand. All the adults present strictly forbid us going anywhere near the sinky sand (HA!). My cousins and I lost many a pair of Wellington boots in that stuff. And I know the guy that lives down there has lost 2 dogs and a donkey. 

Like that scares me? Please. 

But when the tide is in, you can't cross it; as then you would have to deal with deep water, the riptide, and the quicksand. Even I'm not that stupid. But alas, the tide always seemed to be in when I wanted to go there. 

Yeah I was one of those kids that was constantly jumping out of trees, off roofs, down whole flights of stairs, putting myself down the laundry chute, wandering off into the woods alone, playing with explosives (I <3 fire), doing ridiculous stunts on my bike.... the list goes on and on, and yet I managed to never hurt myself. The odd scrape or bruise or bump on the head, but that was it. And apparently at a very young age, I stopped crying when I got hurt (like 7 or 8?). Mum suspects lingering damage from one of the many times I hit my head off the concrete. I was That Kid that the other kids weren't allowed to play with. I have a total disregard for safety. Sure it makes me look fearless at times, but in general it's just reckless. I wouldn't call it bravery so much as irresponsible impulsiveness.


So just to clarify--because I think I confused some of you with the last post--I no longer live in that house. I've lived in New Jersey pretty much my whole life. That's the house in County Mayo where Mum grew up, where I began life, and where we stayed 2 or 3 times a year while I was growing up (Christmas, summer, and Easter). Mum hated when I was off school, so she used to pack me off to Granny's house every June and then come get me just before school started in September. 'Twas AWESOME--3 whole months every year with zero parental supervision, and limitless wide open spaces to explore. I'll have to dig out more photos and post them in the gallery...

I'm off to read your blogs and then work out. How a lovely day, my girlies!! (Or night, if you're on the flipside of the world!)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Feckin' hell, we're on the Google!!

Just a quick post, because I thought this was really exciting. My homeland is now on Google Maps. Last week, one of my cousins called me up to tell me that the "Google Man" had been to town and was taking photos of everything from the road. And lo and behold, today when I Googled Achill, you can drag the little yellow man onto the street and view the whole place from a street view. You can see my friggin house! 
Google map search this: 53.93472,-9.911197
Yes, that's right: We don't have addresses. No house numbers. No street names. God help the poor sod who ends up taking over when the postman dies. I don't know how they do it, especially since there are multiple people with the same name all living in the same area. That means they all have the exact same address, because your address is just your name, the name of the village, the name of the town, and the name of the county. And yet everyone gets their mail. They only just got streetlights put in, as well. Good craic all 'round. Why Mum moved us to New Jersey, I shall never know. 

Off to work out now, and watch SVU on DVD. Cabot 4eva!!

I want a cigarette.

But there is a large animal in the woods. I can hear it stomping around a little too close to the backyard for comfort. It is most likely a deer. But it could possibly be a bear. We get black bears sometimes. They're not vicious or prone to attacking, but it's still a bear. That's 200 pounds of claws and teeth. No thanks. We get bobcats, too. They might be a fraction of the size of a bear, but those little sh*ts are vicious. 
Coyotes and foxes come out at night, too. Mum yells at me for feeding the foxes. 
Seriously, how can you not?

I have horribly exceeded my liquids-only-day calories today, but I have still not consumed any solids. Yesterday was better--only had 400 cals of liquids, and burned 1200 working out. 

Thanks for all the tattoo compliments! :-*

Mona, you are too kind. And even more wonderful, even if you can't always see it yourself. :D

Kazehana, vegan profiteroles are one of the holy grails of vegan cooking, but I'm going to try and make them, and then add to the difficulty by making them gluten-free. My step-nephew can't touch gluten of any kind, so I'm always trying to expand my mad skills to accommodate the food-sensitive. I shall post the recipe if I am successful.

Peri, I have begun sketching out your patch. I'm excited. 

Ash, thanks for giving me the website for that peanut butter! I ordered some...

Morbid.diathesis, that is a SIN that you haven't seen Lord of the Rings!! Hope you get to rent it this weekend, so you can take part in the madness. :)

Elk, I feel your pain. Horrendous hangovers have ruined The Life of Brian, She Devil, Pokemon, Cold Mountain, and many others...

I should really try to go to sleep now. Off on a hiking adventure tomorrow, to take some gorgeous photos of the castles in the mountains, in 35mm. I might even take a roll in black & white, and there will be much tree climbing. I'm bringing rope this time, so I can properly climb the Big Tree.
Don't worry--a friend is coming with her fancy digital camera, so there will be amusing photos of me climbing said tree in HD. 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

We dwarves are natural sprinters. Very dangerous over short distances...

I could spend the rest of my life locked in my room watching the extended editions of Lord of the Rings, and never get sick of it. I think I'm more of a hobbit than a dwarf. I know the elves were all fancy with the ears and hair and the general prettiness, but the hobbits were the best. They looked like they had the most fun, anyway. 
Eomer is hot.

Ash asked for tat pics. I'm more than happy to oblige.

The screech owl is on my right shoulder. When I have enough money, I'm getting a wood thrush on the left shoulder. They're my 2 fav birds. A bird in the hand will then be worth 2 on Mich's back. 

Harley Quinn:
Upper left arm. She needs some touching up, but my tattoo artist has vanished. I'm scared to use anyone else.
The spider was my first. A brown recluse. Less cliche than a black widow, but just as deadly. :D

Pixiestix014, I like your style. I love punching people.

Tracy, I hope you survived all your relatives. The Perfect ones are quite taxing. -_-

Time to share some Safe Treats!!

My old roommate and I used to live on this stuff. And they sell it in Fairway!! LOTS OF THEM!! Usually, places that sell Spirutein only have like one or two flavours, but Fairway has a huge selection. This one is my favourite, followed closely by the chocolate peanut butter. One whole scoop (pretty big scoop) is 120 cals. I use watered down almond milk ('tis too thick otherwise)--1/4 cup of the milk and 3/4 cups water, so the whole cup mixed is only 130 calories.

This stuff is 35 cals per tbsp, so I just use a teaspoon of it with my fat free half & half. It's delicious. 
I'm not really sure about this one yet. The taste reminds me of something. Sort of like fizzy cake icing. It's weird. But I kinda like it. There's a warning on the box that says not to operate any machinery or drive if you have more than one can.  

They're profiteroles, 35 calories each. And holy hand grenades, they're yummy. 

An old favourite:
I make myself a small cup of "tea" with one cube (~17 cals). Mum doesn't even think this is strange. Apparently, Granddad used to do the same thing. And if Granddad did it, that means it's Officially OK. 

I had a cup of Oxo for dinner, because I'm doing liquids only again for a few days. Sunday was a fail. Big Sis #2 came over with Munchkins. It escalated from there.

When I'm restricting a lot, my insomnia gets worse. But at the same time, I feel much more comforted and warm going to bed after a day of 400 calories, than going to bed on a full stomach. I keep myself going through the day and night by taking joy in little things--my cup of almond milk with splenda and cinnamon, coffee with pumpkin spice Coffee-Mate, the 1.00 AM cigarette, my evening hebal smokey treat... But these things do nothing for me if I've just binged. I get high on life for the few minutes it takes to stuff my face, but then the euphoria is gone and I'm left feeling fat and disgusting. And far too stuffed to really appreciate those little treats. I think I'd rather enjoy those little indulgences. I must remember that next weekend, before I go on another binge. 

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Come Mister Tally Man, Tally Me Banana......

If I don't get that song out of my head, I'm going to hurt someone. Lesson learned: it is a bad idea to watch Beetlejuice at 3.00 in the morning. 

Caved and binged last night. [::iwillnotflipout::]


I know, I know--FAIL. But I am human (yes, it's hard for me to believe, too). 
One bad binge on weekends will not kill me. Especially since I do very well [::knockonwood::] during the week. 
Last night's evil:
- ice cream
- peanut butter
- oreos
- milk (at least 'twas skim)
- fiber bars
- crumb cake (EFF YOU crumb cake 100-cal packs!!!)

I could not lax-purge, as I'm going to a friend's house this afternoon, and that might have been embarrassing. So today I had a small bowl of cereal for brekkie, and will work out for a minimum of 800 calories as soon as Mum gets off the treadmill. I wanted to fast, but the fam is coming for dinner, and there's no way I can get out of eating with them. I'll do the next best thing--take over the cooking of the roast chicken and veg so I can make sure nothing gets Contaminated (Mum puts like 5 sticks margarine in everything, and step-dad likes to ruin perfectly good vegetables by overcooking them with too much butter). 

More later, I lost my train of thought...

Check this blog out: the most recent pics are AWESOME. 

Some lovely skinny ladies who are not famous enough:

Mink Stole! 
I have idolized Mink for fifteen years, ever since I rented Pink Flamingos at age eleven (I think I've mentioned mum's lack of censorship before...). Thus began the John Waters phase. It was all downhill from there. 

In a similar vein, I saw Blue Velvet at age 12.
Isabella Rossellini is my other patron saint.

Emily Browning. Why isn't she in more films? She's GORGEOUS!!! I would sell my soul to Satan hisself to look like her.

Maya Deren. Look up her films on youtube. 

Anais Nin. She had an affair with Henry Miller, AND his wife, June. At the same time. Mum used to read her erotic fiction--I found it in her closet when I was in high school. 

Mink again, because I can:

Have a great day, ladies!