Thursday, April 3, 2014

C is for Completely Unnecessary Letters of the Alphabet

(...which is why I shall not be including the letters Q and X later, and am only including C to explain why these letters are useless.)

From a very young age, I questioned the necessity of the letters Q and X in the alphabet. We don't need them. At all. Most people thought I was a weirdo if I voiced this opinion, but then when I got to college I found someone who vehemently agreed with me.

Everyone had to take Writing 101 freshman year at UArts. Everyone also hated it, as it was a super boring gen. ed. class that felt like repeating high school English.

Unless you had Mr. Dave as your professor.

Mr. Dave was a total lunatic, and hands down one of the best professors I had in my five years of college. During the first week of the semester, in the drop/add period, all the timid and/or normal kids transferred out of his class. And we also acquired more of the really weird kids (you KNOW you're fecking weird if the other kids in your art college think you're weird).

His grading system relied more upon your uniqueness and strangeness than on your actual work. (For example, at the end of the semester we had to do a 10 page paper on VanGogh and submit it to him via email by a certain date. I had writer's block combined with general laziness and after a very very brief effort, decided to just not do the final paper and settle with getting a C in his class instead of an A or B. A few days after school ended, I ran into Mr. Dave and he said he thought maybe there had been some computer issue because he had not received my final paper. I said no, there was no issue. I just didn't feel like writing it. A week later, my grades came in the mail. Mr. Dave gave me an A for the semester.)

Mr. Dave not only did not believe in the letters Q and X, he also had a problem with the letter C. He instantly became my hero. Particularly because, unless you wanted him to dock half a point from your grade, you had to not use C, Q, or X on any tests, quizzes, homework assignments, or papers.

So quizzes bekame kwizzes. Church is khurkh. Duks say kwak. I ekspekt even the weird kids in klass thought that Mr. Dave was a raving lunatik.

But really people, think about it: C, Q, and X are kompletely unnessessary.


  1. You're right about 'C.' It's a dumb ass, useless letter. 'K' and 'S' can do its job just as easily.
    As far as 'X,' every classroom alphabet, when it comes to 'X' uses the tried and true "Xylophone." (or "X-Ray" if you want to scare kids with skeleton pictures). But, I was in a classroom last week. I guess they decided, "Screw it" and used a "foX" when it came to 'X'.'
    As far as 'Q,' yep, pain in the butt. Unless you use 'Qi" for the challenge. Not only does it mean some Chinese spiritual thing, it's a kick-ass Scrabble letter.

  2. I agree that Q and X are worthless, but I kinda need C. Otherwise i'd be Khris or Kris and I just can't. It's too...Kardashian. ewwww

    That said, Mr. Dave sounds like the coolest prof ever. Or should I say koolest?) so awesome when a teacher gets you like that. Honesty is always the best policy. I'll remember that next time I'm faced with doing something half-assed against my will or not doing it at all ;-)

  3. I know far too many words that use those letters to deem them unnecessary. Q is one of the most pointless letters but it IS part of the name of one of the best British shows ever; QI. Still, insane teachers are the best.

  4. I know a guy named xavier. He easily could be zavier, I suppose. Stay original, it's appreciated in this A to Z minus three challenge.

  5. Haha...this is brilliant! I had a freshman writing professor who was krazy as well, but he helped me tremendously in my writing skills. The krazy ones are always the best...

    Great post :)

  6. Q is my favourite letter. then it is L. so i'm krying.
    "Mr. Dave gave me an A for the semester." this guy is fucking perfect.
    xD i'm just giggling. you're insane, Mich. i n s a n e.

    -Sam Lupin

  7. Believe it or not, I was just discussing last night with myself, the uselessness of X.

  8. You know what? I'm thinking about this in the context of scrabble and it's not that they're useless, but I HATE the letters J and V. J simply pisses me off. V is not much better in that it's like C - there are no 2-letter words for either of them. They suck balls and my heart dies a little each time I draw those letters from the pile.

  9. But but but CALLIGRAPHY!

    I like them for the shapes, but they are unnecessary repetitions for sounds.

    Fuck I wish I could have taken that class 0.0


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.