I fit into children's clothing. As it turns out, I've actually fit into children's clothing for quite some time (just barely 5'1" and pretty tiny build...). I always knew I could squeeze into kids' shirts, but now I'm comfortable in a medium (age 8/10), and fit into Mudd trousers in girls size 10. I think they run kind of big, though, because I tried on a pair of girls' Levi's for comparison and could not squeeze my wobbly arse into the 12's. 'Tis awesome, though; because it opens whole new shopping possibilities.... Like yesterday, for example--I FINALLY found a pair of dark green cords, in the kids' section at Kohl's. :D
When will it be enough? What's the magic number that means I'm officially Thin? The lower the number on the scale gets, the more terrified I am of it climbing again. Last Christmas, for example, I was around 105 when the holidays started, and wasn't too fussed about climbing back to 110 (I needed a break, and I can't resist Christmas--it makes me high on life). Once I got up to 111, I panicked and started starving again. Now the thought of going back up to 100 makes me panic. I don't want to lose my hair or or grow fur or lapse into kidney failure. Will I be able to stop before I hit that point? And where is that point? It worries me somewhat, because it is in my nature to fixate and obsess and to push things as far as I possibly can (you should have seen my drug collection when I was 15...). If and when I hit the point of severe health problems, will I want to recover? Sorry to be a Negative Nancy. I'm just thinking aloud....
And with that in mind...
I know it is the nature of the blogging community that some bloggers just disappear or fade away, never to be heard from again. I've tried getting to know all of you through your blogs, and so I do notice when someone stops posting. These lovely ladies have not posted in about a month:
- Saphira
- Sunlit
- Ell
- Rose
- Sadhana (she did mention taking a blog break, but I still miss her...)
- Arexisaurus (she never posted that often while I was following her, but it's been 5 weeks...)
- Kitty
- Zen
- Marbleyes (where are you?!?! :*O)
- Analise
- Dreams.and.Bones
- Houseofmir[thin] (I know her parents found her blog--does anyone know if she has a new one?)
- Cherry
- Lullabyehaze
- Knockout
- Fleur (her blog has vanished :*o)
- Windusa
- Hollow (she's hasn't posted for AGES!!)
- Miss B (she's been AWOL even longer...)
- Lola Anais
- Nika Nikol
- Lydia Lightly
- Skeleton Strong
Thought you could vanish and no one would notice, ay? I hope y'all are doing well, and just got sick of blogging. :-* If anyone has any updates on these lovely gals, please comment!
I don't know when to stop either, I'm telling myself "it'll be different this time" but who really knows.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE children's clothing!!! I don't like to admit I wear it but it makes for cheaper shopping and no one can tell :D
yay for the weightloss thas great hun
ReplyDeleteand idont know when to stop either i guess i'll stop when i wind myself up in the hosital but who knows
i hope all those girls are ok
and thanx hun for ur adivce i wish i coudl stop making ppl happy its just hard the one person that means the most to me is the one that i despereately want to make happy but it seems like i never can so
I'm so jealous of your weight loss (I feel like I just keep gaining, I'm huge :( ), but this post kind of scares me :( I know what you mean, the lower you get the scarier it is to gain. I don't want to lecture you, just be careful, ok? :(
ReplyDeleteOh I've had those thoughts, right now 80 is my number, only because Matt pushed it up from 70.. I wonder though if I'll be able to maintain 80. I'll want to go lower, I know I will, I'll still see fat and I'll still hate how I look.. but I know I have to not get too low, for him I have to be healthy. I just wonder what will happen if he leaves me.. I'm pretty sure I'll just stop eating and die.
ReplyDeleteKid's clothes! agh! I love them!
ReplyDeleteI have this ridiculous collection of kid hoodies in sizes for kids aged 5/6. lmao, I KNOW IT'S BIZARRE, but they fit me and have 3/4 length sleeves which I like coz I'm always pushing my sleeves up.
The worst thing though was once, I wore this kid shirt to work and one of my students came in wearing the EXACT SAME SHIRT and omg, he was SO stoked about it, but it was super embarrassing to admit I'd been shopping in the same section as kindergarten boys. :/
As for the serious part of this entry, I think the question to ask is what do you get out of being underweight?
What is the emotional pay off for you?
If the pay off is something you know you can't actually attain by losing more weight, an elusive thing which continues to evade capture no matter how many pounds melt away, then you know you probably ought to look at better ways of meeting that particular need than starving yourself into organ failure.
Because starving is an addiction just like drugs are, and addictions are generally a red flag for an emotional craving that is not being satisfied in a healthy way. So...anyway, that's my Dr. Phil moment.
All you really need is more Mitchell Davis in your life. lol I wonder if I can get B to introduce me to him?!? that would rock.
Kids clothes! You are such a tiny pixie! Enjoying the crazy windy weather today? :) I hope you get outside to enjoy it and have a great day!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the awesome weight loss! So jealous you fit into kids clothes, teensy girl.
ReplyDeleteBe careful (in a non-condescending way)
xx Claude
You are so amazing :) I need to get on your diet haha
ReplyDeleteI am the exact way with christmas... but for some reason last winter break I was able to starve myself for 3 weeks and only eat on big days... Weird 0_o maybe it will happen this year :)
haha have great weekend :)
Love you
Lilah
*phew* At least I'm not the only one who seems to lose weight more staying away from the gym! You would think more exercise would allow you to lose weight more but when you stop exercising for a while, the weight seems to come off faster. I hate how things work in the opposite way they're supposed too!
ReplyDeleteI'm like you- I want to b solid, but I don't want the muscles either. Muscles look good on some people, but definitely NOT on me! I would really look like a dude with muscles. That's why I've strayed away from the weights because bulking up is the last thing I want to do!
Random question: Is that a picture of you on the right of you blog? I remember you saying you had blond hair so...just wondering =)
♥
i really know the feeling. i am around 116.7-118-120. Gah, it varies so, i am between 5'5'' and 5'6". (it never comes out the same...sigh). i want to be 110-105...i am a flabby, disgusting mess right now and a total alky while here at my folks, goood thing i am going home early Sun morning! Sorry to blabber on so much about me. Yuck!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei miss "A-Rexi" sooo much, i keep checking her blog. i hope she and all the others are okay.
Be well, lovely Mich!
Lots 'o love,
tracy
House of mir posted on October 3
ReplyDeleteNow "Thoughts on being thin"
http://houseofmirth-hom.blogspot.com/
It's fun being able to fit into children's clothes, isn't it? :) I can fit into a kids size 12 pants quite comfortably, although they tend to be a little short in the legs.
ReplyDeleteLots of love to you Mich - I tend to stalk your blog a lot even though I don't comment much. :)
xx
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH 5-1? You're a fucking MIDGET! A SKINNY MIDGET!! I'd better step up the pace on the blanket so you're got some protection against the frigid depth of the american winter!!
ReplyDeleteOh god, I had to get that out of my system. Seriously, you'd fit right in at work. 5-7 makes me feel like Gulliver in Lilliput. A great honking giraffe surrounded by zebra.
<3
yeh i had noticed a few people had gone missing too. this might be mean but i unfollow the people who havnt posted for over 3 months. i just assume they arent coming back (and hope its coz they are trying to recover) and managing my blog list makes me feel organised. Kids clothes are awsome. i used to have the cutest lil jacket but then i got fat again. i would say you probs have a good weight now and should maintain but this disease isnt logical. just stay as safe as you can. xo
ReplyDeleteIt must be amazing fitting into children´s cloth!
ReplyDeleteDo you have a certain number you want to stop at? It´s really hard knowing when to and how to stop....I just hope you can do it.
Kisses
Well you're very beautiful! You look a lot like one of my friends back home (she's an aspiring actress at the moment). Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one over the age of 21 who still lives at home and everyone else has their own place! Hopefully mom will lighten up a load over time, because until I graduate or score a great job, I'm stuck right where I'm at! <3
ReplyDeleteEep sorry! I'm commenting out of sequence. Just catching up, so hopefully you find this (not that it'll contain anything life changing or enlightening).
ReplyDeletea. Your Halloween costumes is awesome (and I never use 'awesome', so it must be good). As are all your other ones. You seem to be a pro at this fancy dress thing.
b. Blah blah blah but my overprotectiveness is creeping out here: please be careful with the weight. I get it, I do. It's something I struggle with too. At the moment I'm freaking out because I'm two pounds away from an 'unsafe' and anxiety provoking number (which was the point considering I was actually trying to gain, but apparently I have issues with a certain number and have reached a point of stasis, and I'm really not sure where I stand right now).
You are so beautiful (and slighty weird, which is good ;) ), but the boundary and 'safe' point will always become lower. It isn't logical. I guess what I'm saying is please don't lose anymore. I also know how pointless it is me saying this.
Just be careful, ok?? Listen to your limits.
(and yes, I am re-taking twenty-four :), and I got Sword in the Stone from my sister!!! Ha! )