If this was a religion, Satan would have dragged me to hell by now.

My diet has totally gone to hell. I am officially too scared to weigh myself.

Ok, so it's probably not THAT bad, but in my head it feels that bad. Easter, as with most holidays, was a total failure. I think I ate my weight in lamb. I did NOT, however, eat more than a couple tiny bites of candy. And the lamb was cooked by my step-grandmother, who I'm pretty sure sold her soul to the devil so that she could cook the most perfect rack of lamb ever.

In order to rectify the horrors of the Easter Consumption, I have been perc-er-cising (exercising on percocets). 10 mg of perc lets me run on the treadmill for at least one hour. That combined with the sit-ups and the workout on the Total Gym means I burn about 600-700 calories every day. If I have the time, I work out longer, but I usually don't.

I haven't been eating like crazy this week, but I have been going way over the 500 calorie mark, which is just sick. I need to FOCUS. And I need to start doing better TODAY. So no more snacks or lunches, no matter how small. I've brought my bottle of skim chocolate milk, and that's all I plan to consume today, except maybe a bit of celery for dinner. And I'm getting my head bleached this evening, so I won't be able to work out.

No food. NONE. Because I'm a giant fat disgusting hippopotamus that doesn't deserve to live.