......
Last Year Sucked Major Ass, So Let's Try And Make This Year Better.
Yes, I like that one.
I think I'm depressed. I don't have much to go on, as I don't ever get depressed, or sad, or anything other than my two only emotions (Calm and Homicidal). But I think I'm depressed. Reasons? Probably a few of these are responsible:
1.) I'm fat. Like really. I can't stop eating. It's disgusting.
2.) Every time I speak aloud, Mum does her very best to make me feel retarded. She seems to especially enjoy doing this in front of other people.
3.) If I choose to remain silent to avoid reason number 2, Mum asks what the hell is wrong with me and why am I so pissy all the time.
4.) In trying to arrange a time to go visit the father, it became very clear to me just how much he does not want me around. A couple days ago, I asked what he was doing for New Year's Day, and he said that he and step-mom and little bros 1 and 2 were going to step-mom's parent's house for the day, so that was no good for daddy-and-me-Christmas-time. I found out later that my other sister was invited to step mom's parents' house.
I was not invited.
>:(
They can all LICK MY ASS.
Whores.
Ok..... moving on.
5.) Is this it, as far as life is concerned? I have a job and I'm probably never going to get anything that pays all that much more, and so I doubt that I will ever be able to afford grad school. I don't want a relationship with a significant other, so there's no boyfriend or wedding fantasies to look forward to. Sure I may move out of my mother's house at some point, but where would I go? Live ALONE? Or worse, live with OTHER PEOPLE?? And then what?
I'm sorry, gals. I'm just in one of those moods. Not suicidally depressed or anything. Just fatalistic, perhaps. Normally these thoughts only have a life span of 30 seconds before I can snap myself out of it, but for some reason they're persisting in making me feel like a waste of space. I take up way too much space.
And to make my day that much better, I was dragged into New York City today. Cousin is here from Ireland, and she wanted to see Ground Zero (why?!?), so I had to take her. Mum came with us at least, so I didn't have to drive or navigate my way around the Stink Hole, but still... I can think of many, many things I would rather do than go into New York City.
Eating glass, for example.
Or playing in traffic.
Or sticking sewing needles in my eyes.
It wasn't too horrendous, in the end. I got a lot of exercise by walking, purchased a gorgeous pair of shoes in the Irregular Choice shop (the ONE AND ONLY thing I wanted to do, but noooooo everyone had to make a big mf stink about it because they didn't want to go to some weird shoe shop, and isn't this kind of far from where we're eating, can't we go shop somewhere else?!? blah blah blah) ...Well I'm sorry arseholes. Next time I'll just keep my fat mouth shut and do whatever everyone else wants to do.
Shoes:
i love those shoes. life is a little like that, like "what now?" and when you actually do something or achieve something it's really not all that it's crackd up to be, or you don't feel the way you thought you would.
ReplyDeletestill try and find a way of affording grad school because doing something where you find meaning and is worth your time could be someones saving grace.
1) I'm really sorry you're feeling down. Hopefully it passes quickly. I'm really sorry about your dad, too... : (
ReplyDelete2) If you really want to go to grad school, I'm sure you can find a way to make it happen. I'm going to try to go back as soon as possible, and I'm currently unemployed...
3) Living on your own isn't so bad. I live alone, and though I get lonely sometimes, mostly I just love being able to do whatever I want, WHENEVER I want.
4) Those shoes are effing adorable! Love them!
Those shoes are EPIC!! All the whiners can step off! They're just jealous they don't have your style.
ReplyDeleteI also feel that is-this-all depression. I don't know what to do about it. Probably why I play video games. Escapism. Stick head in sand. Go be a hero in an imaginary realm. Starving helps with feelings of powerlessness. Picture of health, huh?
Sill love your comics.
<3
Also....your daddie dearest is an ass ^_^
ReplyDelete<3
Swweeeet shoes!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling blue.. I hate those depressions. And as for your fam. Well they can just shove it.
I mean that in the most respectful way. haha
I do enjoy your comics, regardless of the gore.
Guess what. I ordered that same elliptical that you obtained for Christmas. Do you like it?
-Sara
Great shoes! Sorry to hear about your sadness. Just remember your quote at the top of your blog, the sun will shine soon!
ReplyDeleteThose shoes are awesome and worth the hassle I hope.
ReplyDeleteWe don't choose our families... that's why they suck so much sometimes.
I love your comics, as always.
Why do other people go out of their way to make us feel like such a fucking inconvenience?! Fuckers, hope they all get piles!
ReplyDeleteThose shoes are beautiful, M. I love your morbid sense of humour, I laughed like a hyena at those pics you did !
Sorry you're so bummed out. My family are the reason I left home and haven't spoken to any of them in 12 years! Arseholes!
Feel better soon, Babe. Thinking of you. XXX.
I'm sorry Mich. I certainly hope your iffy mood passes soon enough. I know what it's like :/
ReplyDeleteHey, it's 2011 now! You can relax, even if you feel like you're a bit... trapped? Like you feel like you don't know where your going as of late. Move out, job stuff, idk. But you're still young and can still do anything you want in life. Don't feel hopeless yet!
& honestly, why do you draw yourself so fat? You're NOT fat, and you have better self control than I. & you weigh like 30 lbs less, little miss. In fact, may I have your permission to save the pretty picture of you at the top to my thinspo folder? I mean, usually I just save whatever I want because idgaf who the people are I save to my folder--they're just skinny. But since I have the ability to ask your permission, may I? (: You really are a doll. A skinny doll.
Those shoes are AWESOME! I would not want to go and see ground zero...I'm a bit rubbish at feeling depressed and mournful on other people's que...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you feel down :/ maybe once the holidays are over and you are back in a routine you will feel better and eat better? I know that is certainly true for me.
xxxx
Aww, hope things start to look up!! You deserve to be happy!
ReplyDelete<3
definitely worth the push to get the shoes because they are AAWESOOME (with an extra capital 'a' and 'o' for good measure).
ReplyDeletei'm sorry you're feeling depressed hun - i sometimes get that way too. but just by reading your blog these past few months i can tell you're such a witty, intelligent, amazing person who has so much to give and has something so strong inside her. i'm not trying to be all sappy - i think it's true. you're definitely made of the stuff to overcome your problems and go out and make something great happen. just believe in yourself :)
love xx
I like your title much better than "New Years Resolutions!" :D That sucks how your dad and his folks are avoiding you- it's difficult too because you never really know how to appraoch a situation like that. I really love your #5 (probably because I relate): I love at home too (still an undergrad) b/c college stole my money and I can't afford to live on my own...and it I WOULD become homicidal if I had to live with someone...so you're pretty much stuck! :/
ReplyDeleteRegardless of how you feel, I can assure you that you are not a waste of space! I've never been to NY but I hear nothing but awful things about it (like how it stinks & you might get shot). Those shoes are awesome btw :)
I'd love to go to New York City but it must be a pain when you live close and always see that stuff. I always wanna know why my American side family wanna see so much of my city because I find it such a boring place.
ReplyDeleteStill when I finially have money to go to new York I expect a tour around the place ;) jk
Sorry you are feeling so down though. Them shoes are kick though. I love them!
My family and your family... Are you sure they aren't related? I totally know what you mean. Such wee wallys. Actually they are straight up wankers but ya know.
x
i love thes hoes
ReplyDeletei cant go into nyc i panic just thinking about it i have enough trouble in philly
but eys walking = tons of exercise
depression sucks u can google the sytoms i have thema ll i started taking st johns wort for it but app it takes a few weeks to work
Depression is not a nice thing. I should know. I am stuck in one. You know if you are in one. You basically dont want to do anything and things that usually brings you joy jumping up and down and you go 'eh?'.
ReplyDeleteI am like you too where I am EATING a lot when I allow myself to eat. I eat anything in my path and I HATE it. I want it to STOP!
I would love to do a totaly fast for several days but the husband would start nagging (you would think he took notes from my mum before we married)
I would love to see NY, for the shopping not ground zero.
Take care now :-)
*hugz*
Omg those shoes are so cute :) love<3!
ReplyDeleteI have been in the same mood as you lately. It really does suck, I don't want to be around anyone. My family sure as hell don't understand because it comes out of no where. I don't like to look weak or talk about stuff, so don't like to admit I'm sad to them. Just remember your mood will lift back up, it always eventually does. Hang in there, I'm here if you need to talk.
Dear Mich,
ReplyDeleteClick here:
1) http://www.pingafriend.com/glitter/images/thanks/thanks3.gif
and here:
2) http://www.pingafriend.com/glitter/images/appreciation/appreciation1.gif
Love Me!
dear mich,
ReplyDeletesince you said you like receiving letters, i thought i'd send this in letter format :)
i love those shoes, and besides i like the small little quirky shops. they have so much more character compared to huge departments.
i own none of the photos on my blog, apart from the few sketches, unfort, but thank you none the less.
xo, helen
OH MY GOD I LOVE IRREGULAR CHOICE. Those shoes are amazing!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your current mood though, I think January does that to a lot of people.
Hope you're feeling more chipper soon :)!
those shoes are absolutely adorable!!
ReplyDeleteand im sorry you had such a bad year. 2011 will better, im sure. (:
stay lovely <3
p.s. as always, i love your drawings.
thanks for the encouragement :), you have no idea how much i need it lol. fasting for short periods to give your digestion a rest is a good idea, if your interested go to fastingforfitness.com - i think that's the site anyway lol. but please please don't exercise while fasting k :)
ReplyDeletefamily do get in the way, they're such a nuisance ;). i usually just pretend i've eaten
i don't think i'll ever want my boobs back (though i maybe i'm speaking too soon) i've just always resented them
We alll get those moods =[ some more than others...they will come and go :( And your not fat!! Your so slim now :) You just cant see it, your beautiful! xxx
ReplyDeleteI would just like to mention that yours is the best blog I read! I cannot go even half of a day without checking to see if you have written anything new! And the drawings are wonderful illustrations-- obviously designed to draw people like me in!
ReplyDeleteLove the shoes-- BTW. I'd def. wear them.
oh fuck I love those shoes!!
ReplyDeleteI know this is a year old, but I just have to say Amen, sister! Fuck NYC!
ReplyDeleteMy bff just got a parking ticket from those fine fuckers, went off on a MAJOR FB rant about it...and then when I responded "I H8 NY" he went back to kissing the ass of the so-called "greatest city in the world". Ugh.
Is there such a thing as being "city-whipped"? Cause I know waaaay too many people who see NYC with rose-colored glasses. Glad you're not one of them!