down with this sort of thing

I love Irish cigarette warnings.

Sorry for the recent lack of posting and commenting. I've had no internet at home all week because for some reason, Cablevision is entirely unable to provide my home with an internet connection that lasts for more than 30 minutes. We've had 4 different technicians in my house in as many days, and there's still a good chance that the internet will die at any time. That combined with the fact that every time I try to make use of my free Tuesday cinema tickets (for being a Cablevision customer), every single film in the cinema is sold out. This has happened at 5 different cinemas. I think perhaps it is time we switched back to Verizon.


I got out of work early today because of the snow. It was good because I got to go on the treadmill for 90 minutes, but also bad because I've been steadily eating my way through all the junk food in the house. I did, however, finally get a chance to pick up my Adavan prescription, so that was nice. 


I realized something whilst trying to plan my evening around picking up my Adavan prescription: I don't trust anyone. Like NOT A SINGLE PERSON that I know, or am related to. The whole Trust Issues thing isn't news to me--I've had that for many many moons, but I never realized until this afternoon just how bad it is. 

So I know that stopping at A&P to pick up my pills is not really out of the way, and would only add maybe 15 or 20 minutes to my commute home, but I'm really lazy. I know Mum or Sis would go pick up the Adavan for me, but I also know that they're both too nosy for their own good. They would rip open the bag that the pharmacist gives them to check out exactly what medication Mich is taking. Since I have not told Mum I'm on Adavan (she doesn't believe in medication at all, for anyone, ever. I know, it's infuriating.), I don't want her checking what's in the bag. And Sis's mouth is just slightly bigger than her brain, so I know she'd blab. 

So then I thought, "Perhaps I could get one of my friends to pick up my Adavan;" but before that thought even finished forming itself in my head, I had to laugh at the absurdity of it. I have but one friend whom I would trust with my Adavan, and A&P is quite a bit out of the way for her. As for my other close friends? I would not trust a single one of them with my sedatives. Not a chance in Hell. 

Following that train of thought, I tried to imagine various scenarios in which trust is required: 

• venting to friends or family, when you are particularly distraught
• being stranded/car broken down/having an Actual Emergency/etc. and in need of immediate help
• Having a secret/problem that you just NEED TO TELL SOMEONE
• Having a serious problem, such as alcoholism that has reached the point of Listerine consumption when you run out of liquor; or having developed a pretty bad morphine habit/eating disorder/suicidal tendencies/&c &c that might be endangering your life
• Contracting an illness or injury that may require medical attention
• Developing an emotional/affectionate attachment to another person

I can't think of anyone--friend or family-wise--whom I would turn to in any of those situations. Especially the last one. I don't develop those kind of attachments. My instincts tell me that such things are for the weak-minded. (I don't know--it's just the way I am). Same with venting. I don't often vent out loud to other people, because my twisted logic sees this as a sign of weakness. Perhaps I therefore cannot trust anyone else because I myself would probably be an awful choice as one in whom to place trust. 

I'm not so good with the sympathy and junk.

And emotion/affection? HA!! 

No.

Romance and I never got along...

 As for the other things in that list, if I can't fix the problem myself, I tend to just push it out of my mind and hope that it solves itself. And as for secrets, I tend to just never tell them. Unless I'm drunk--then I might let a few things slip. Those slips will most likely be your secrets, which you told to me in confidence, rather than my own secrets. 

Ugh, I'm such a terrible person...


Even more terrible because I don't really care that I'm a terrible person. I mean I kind of care. Just a little bit. 


So.... Tarot cards, yes? So far, the Queen of Wands, Queen of Swords, the Fool, the Tower, the Moon, Death, the High Priestess, and the Seven of Cups have been claimed. The rest are all up for grabs, so if you want one or several you can email me your mailing address (bellatrixburrows [at] hotmail [dot] com). And I'll need your address anyway, for those of you who called those cards. If you're worried about privacy, you can submit a name/initials/pseudoname/etc and mailing address here, and that way you can remain anonymous. 


I shall try and catch up on all your blogs later on tonight, and tomorrow morning. Have a good weekend, girlies!