Who buys so many copies of the same issue of the same nudie mag? A pervert with an obsessive-compulsive disorder, that’s who.

F*ck dairy. 

Seriously. Just FECK IT. Right in the arse. Because that's how it makes my arse feel.

The unthinkable has happened. 

Mum is still recovering from my reaction to this piece of mail. (She has shaky nerves--I think this is largely my doing). I opened it, looked at the "JUROR" card, and said:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And I thought I was doing such a good job of staying off the grid. I'm just going to tell them I'm a white supremacist. That got my friend out of jury duty...

Today, I cannot bring myself to get out of my pajamas. I was a PIG last night. And I had done so well on Friday, and all day yesterday. I thought I could handle allowing myself a small snack before bed, but y'all know how it is when feck-it-mode kicks in. And then today I made pancakes for the fam for breakfast. (I make the best pancakes--anyone who tells you different is a LIAR. I always make them from scratch and never from a box). 

So of course now I feel like a fat bloated mess. My stomach is all like "grblsuhgivbskjhfkdngdfbvkjxfngkxngdjubjxfhtgkbleehhh." And I'm all like nah…..

'Twas destined to be one of those weekends. On Friday I had a Wardrobe Malfunction. 

We have all done this, at times. I took out nearly every piece of clothing I own, tried everything on, had mini meltdowns every time I looked in the mirror, and eventually settled with the same outfit I always wear and left all my clothes strewn about my bedroom. 

My own fault really. I made the mistake of trying on my smallest pair of trousers just so I could assess how fat I am. 

Idk about the rest of you, but I have different levels of fat that I measure with different pairs of trousers. I own far too many pairs of jeans. If the Express size 0's are feeling snug, I am a WHALE. 

If I can't fit in the size 0's at all, chances are I will not get dressed or leave my bedroom.

If I can fit into the Express 00 Stellas, I am Acceptable. 

And then there's that tiny pair of trousers that measures your self worth and your ability to function. For me, that's the Mudd jeans, in children's size 10. 

I haven't even attempted to try them on since before Christmas, when I was still safely in the 90's. But for some reason, on Friday, I decided to try them on.

It wasn't pretty.

I did, however, manage to zip them up.

I finally got the photos from my last mini road trips developed and up on the website. Check them out--they're pretty awesome if I do say so myself. 

I'm getting depressed, because spring is coming. I don't mind spring, but that means summer is right around the corner, and I HATE THE EFFING SUMMER WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. 

Spring will arrive early this year in the NY/NJ/PA region of the US. Like really soon. And I have never been wrong about the arrival of the seasons. (knockonwood).

Hope y'all are having a nice Sunday. Imma try and motivate myself to get to the gym. 

...any minute now...

...