Only two options left: suicide or become a television weatherman.

Since the television doesn't feel it is necessary to include the good music, I shall announce the Grammy winners here. 

Best Classical Album - Riccardo Muti and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra playing Verdi's Requiem.  They also won Best Choral Performance. Well deserved.

Best Orchestral Performance - Daugherty: Metropolis Symphony; Deus Ex Machina - Giancarlo Guerrero with the Nashville Symphony

Best Instrumental Soloist - Mitsuko Uchida - Mozart's Piano Concertos 23 and 24 (with the Cleveland Orchestra)

Best Instrumental Soloist without orchestra - Paul Jacobs - Messiaen: Livre Du Saint-Sacrement

Best Chamber Music - The Parker Quintet playing Ligeti's String Quartets 1 & 2

Those were the good ones, anyway. 

I made a vlog in which I brought the camera up into the attic, and there was nice music (Marin Marais), machetes, and horror-film worthy shots of the attic door. But for some reason my camera decided to eat most of it, leaving me with only the first 10 seconds. 

This is why I prefer film. If you screw up your 16mm movie, at least you know it was probably something YOU did wrong, rather than the camera being possessed by evil technology demons that can think for themselves. 

I'm not so good with technology. The fact that I can operate a computer without anything catching fire or exploding is a pretty epic achievement. I'm still trying to wrap my head around itunes and the fact that I can carry 14 days worth of music around in my pocket. (Actually 13 days and 8 hours, if you played all the music in my itunes.)

I am both frightened by and in awe of electricity. Perhaps this is why electronic things tend to malfunction around me?

 

Electrical outlets seem to have a particular hatred for me. 

Even radios stop working when i get too close.

The effing radio in the car even goes funny sometimes. And I swear to god, half the street lights on the road go out right when I drive past them. 

This is nerve-wracking when your only job qualifications are for office positions. I am not exaggerating--EVERY SINGLE OFFICE COMPUTER I have ever used has had something go wrong with it within a week of me touching it. And the other people in the office will all swear that the computer was totally fine before. In my current job, I have definitive proof.  

2 weeks after I started working for the Boss, my computer began to act weird. Word would just quit for no reason. The program we use to keep track of cases would spazz and freeze the computer. And the accounting program was on technological crack. 

So we got a new computer for Boss, and he gave me his old (but still relatively new) computer. That one went nuts as well. Then 2 weeks ago, I got a whole new computer. Brand new. 

Guess what. 

It's not working. 

And they can't fix it. The regular tech guy, and the tech guy for the fancy program we use have been trying non-stop since last Wednesday. The Boss is getting suspicious, but he can't admit it because that's like admitting I have supernatural powers. It's the same with Mum. She knows things inexplicably break around me, but she will still verbally insist that it's all in my head. Even when I killed her Blackberry. 

This problem is most fun in winter. I seem to attract an abnormal amount of static electricity. It doesn't bother me so much personally, with the exception of my bed. I had to get rid of my fleece blankets because they more or less electrocuted me every time I moved.

But other than that, I don't get shocked too much. Instead, I become a living breathing Tesla coil.

I will zap you right out of existence.

Little Sis's cat, Daisy will not go anywhere near me unless she's standing on a surface that is not a conductor. 

I'm still deflating from the weekend binge, so I'm not conducting as much electricity as I usually would. Which is a good thing, because I plan on going to the gym for at least an hour on the elliptical. Electronic gym equipment malfunctions around me as well. At least at Planet Fitness, everything is on a hard floor. 

But at home, with the treadmill on a carpet, I tend to zap anything within a 6-foot radius. And if I run fast enough, I can short out the whole basement.