Nervosa wreck.

I don't think many people realize the level of anxiety that goes with this diet. If I slip up and eat something with a ton of calories--a handful of McDonald's French fries, for example--I'm a basket case for the next 48 hours, until I've made up for it (extra exercise, less food). I feel light-headed, my heart is racing, I get nasty headaches, and I'm so on edge that I tend to snap at everyone around me. I can't stop thinking about how fat and disgusting I am. I'm as greasy and nasty as those French fries. Revolting. I should just kill myself, because I'm such a huge fat pig that I'll never be thin enough. I'll always be this fat. Always this repulsive. I need to lose ten pounds immediately, or just jump off a tall building.

And what scares me most? More than the dark, more than terrorists, and way more even than dying; I am scared stiff of the scale in the bathroom.

So far today, I ate: 1 bowl cereal (160), 1 cup coffee with half & half (10). I didn't bring any fiber bars to work, therefore I cannot eat anything else until I get home.

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!