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First I just want to say that I have no problem with peoples of any religion. I'm just mildly amused by people who go door to door selling or preaching stuff. And being an evil sort of person possessed of good etiquette, I cannot just tell them "no thanks," and slam the door because that's rude; and I want to play. >:D
Why these people feel the need to go door to door in a town that's 90% Jewish is beyond me. But they still come every year. Mum always hides and used to make me hide with her (being Irish Catholic, she has a natural distrust of all Protestants). I started answering the door to the J.W.'s about 10 years ago.
In the beginning, I answered their inquiry about my faith with, "I worship Satan."
This is wrong.
This response will leave you stuck with them for at least 20 minutes until you get so fed up of fruitlessly trying to dismiss them politely that you will just slam the door in their faces. So I switched to, "We're Catholic." The young ones will head for the hills, and as luck would have it, most of the Jehovah's Witnesses who came a calling were boys about 18-22. But the Catholic response does not work on older people, or women of any age.
So I took the next logical step. I invited them in for tea. We discussed their religion. I seemed enthusiastic. I started talking about my beliefs (a weird hybrid of Catholic, Vodou, and Enochian, with copious amounts of witchcraft). Apparently there's just something about my demeanor that sent them packing. They didn't even try to tell me the error of my ways, and they couldn't really convince me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior because I already have. He just happens to be one of many.
I stepped on the scale this morning, and it appears that I have managed to eat myself all the way back up to 99 lbs. 100 lbs seems far too huge now. That scares me a little. I did ok-ish Monday, sucky yesterday, but awesome today; so I'm hoping it all balances out by Saturday.
I found this awesome book in the mall:
Off to read some of your blogs. I'm falling behind again. Y'all blog too fast!!
<3
You're so bad. ;) Haha, that's hilarious!
ReplyDelete99 is amazing! i totally understand why you wouldn't ever want to be 100 haha. i know i wouldn't :) and that book... all i can say is TELL US ALL ABOUT IT! any book with that cover *has* to be worth reading!
ReplyDeletelol I love your Jehovah's witness hijinks.
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued by your new book.
that book looks so great! HAHAHA
ReplyDeletemy old bestie used to love screwing with the JW's. lol she's a riot. you'd love her.
xoxox
i NEED that book hahaha.
ReplyDeletelol - "i worship satan". perfect :)
xx
Haha, you do make me laugh! 99 is stillamazin, plus it's only 3 extra pounds. You'll be back there in no time :) ♥
ReplyDeletehaha! love it! i always get the young cute jehovas witness men. i know they send those ones especially to lure me in. sneaky religions. 99 seems like the perfect number to me. i would be so happy if i were you. of course i understand how bad it feels to put on tho. those pounds will probs be gone ina few days anyway. xo
ReplyDelete99lbs is not that bad. I would 'kill' to be that number. I dont think my body wants to be that low.
ReplyDeleteYou could start teaching people how to scare the jehovah people who comes visiting.....make some $$
So what is your shopping weakness??
Haha!!!! this was freaking hilarious! My grandmother always made me stay away from the J.W.'s, but now, I'd love to get into a polite theological discussion letting them know that they're religion is based on good works which is prominently spoken against in the New Testament and other such ramblings :D.
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky to have a credit card! I can't get one because 1.) I have no credit to begin with so the interest rate would be out the yin yang and 2.) My mother, who fears debt & credit cards like the plague, won't be a co-signer. Same goes for loans >.<. I need a husband...
♥
"I worship Satan" to the JW I can even picture their faces hahah
ReplyDeleteThat book looks really interesting!
99 is great, I´d kill to see that number but I´m sure you´ll lose very fast so don´t worry.
Take care sweetie
lolololololololololololololololololol
ReplyDeleteyou
are
amazing!!!!
for one, jews = epic awesomeness :P glad to see there are a bunch somewhere :P
for two = omg the fact u do that jsut makes me the most happy! i thought i was the only one ridiculous enough! when they come a knocking i always say im jewish and then they try to start talking about how its wrong but ill always go "i've lasted over 5000 years with this one, im not looking to switch now!" they get confused for some reason :P
lols :) your amazing everyday!
-happiness! <3
Hee, amazingly great story...loved it! i can't wait to hear what you do when the Mormon's come a'calling. ;) i keep a little bat hanging outside by the door year 'round. i wonder if it keeps the religious away....? i, too, have no problems with religion. Well, one. Am fascinated with one i can never join. Ah, well.
ReplyDeleteThat book looks fabulous...do tell!
Smoochies!
I...want...that...book. Maybe it's just because I LOVE those cats :D I use to hide from the JWs too. We would also call all the neighbors. Hahah, I wish I had the guts to invite them in.
ReplyDeleteOnce when I was in Barnes and Noble this lady came up to me and told me my sweatshirt had an ancient devil symbol on it. (It was an Aiden sweatshirt...she was on crack) And decided to "witness" to me. I told her I was a big 'ole lesbian and that got her out of my face. XD
Ooh that doesn't happen around here, but it did while visiting my uncle once, I still love his response and remember it down to the dramatic pause and eyebrow lift where the comma is, "I'm an athiest, would you like me to explain to you the scientific reasons I believe what I do or would you like to leave now because I will be laughing too hard while you're talking to really hear you." *polite smile* I was cracking up in the backround, you should have seen the look on the womans face, she started to say something and he began a lecture about evolution, finally she was the one that left. When he starts talking... he TALKS.
ReplyDeletego di love to b 99 pounds
ReplyDeletei hide from those crazy ppl i hate ppl who oush their religion on u ugh
ya at the book
and wow we are reading the same book then im loving feeling for bones its addciteng
I've never had people on my doorstep trying to convert me (I mean, they have been to the house and conversed with my dad, but not when I was living there :( ). Though I did get stopped in the street by some overly zealous young male christian asking what my beliefs were and could he please talk to me about christianity? I just said "no thank you" and kept walking...
ReplyDeleteI have no problems with people's beliefs, just so long as in return they show me the same respect I show them, instead of telling me I'm doomed, and I'm not too sure I agree with hunting people out to convert them. But then, I'm an unchristened/unbaptised/unanythinged heathen, so what do I know?? ;)
I just can't help it, but I kind of believe in that whole evolution thing..my bad.
xx
As far as creation vs. evolution is concerned, I'm pretty sure one can be explained by the other. :D
ReplyDeleteI hate jehovah witnesses! And ofc you need shopping your a girl after all! :D Just enjoy a good shop ;] xx
ReplyDeleteHaha. Pretty sure you should consider doing stand up comedy!
ReplyDelete<3
I am right there with you on the shopping problem. I keep telling myself the spending is going to stop, but then I realize how nice that nailpolish is, and how I really do need a new blouse. Oh well. Whatever.
ReplyDeleteMy great-grandmother used to take the J.W.'s in and talk their ears off for two hours at a time, and in the end would tell them that she was Catholic and have a nice day. She was just a crazy old lady who wanted to chat over tea.
I'm totally with you on this. I feel like it's wrong, but I do love screwing with the J.W's sometimes. By the way, I think your weight is great.
ReplyDelete~Cora
Haha! You know, you're pretty lucky you could scare off the Jehovah's Witnesses. I have tried, and each try was unsuccessful. I don't understand why they do what they do, forcing religion on people is just wrong in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteI do believe I'm guilty of blogging to fast. I've become addicted, literally. I feel the need to write on here everyday:|. Maybe because I just started? Eh oh well.
And psh! 99 pounds? You're doing great girl :)! That is tiny! I'd die to be in your shoes.
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My Dad answered the door in JUST a t-shirt to the J.W's...they never came back.
ReplyDeletex
I think I am going to order that book for my best friend for Christmas :) Thanks for the great idea!
ReplyDeleteOooof Jehovah's Witnesses! I sort of dated one for a little bit in high school, and when his parents found out we were sneaking around behind their backs, things did not go well! I have much respect for people with devout religious beliefs, and man it takes a lot of guts to knock on strangers' doors!