Wednesday, May 4, 2011

One that looks nice. And not too expensive.





My dear friend Scarlet, the secretary across the hall, was fired over the weekend. I'm really upset about it. It was over something totally stupid, too; but it would take too long to explain. I apologize if you're now weeping in disappointment that you don't get to hear a load of office drama.  

So since Scarlet is now unemployed, I'm posting this link to her Associated Content page. If you love me, you will click it and check out her articles. Because she gets paid for like every 100 clicks on each article. 

That site is pretty cool actually. They pay you just for more or less posting blog entries, and you earn a few dollars per so many page views. 

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Last night, I was almost defeated by a moth.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen--an effing MOTH. 

Not even a big moth.

Just a regular old moth.

Monday was the first day of the liquids-only >200 calories max Act of Contrition. I was doing pretty awesome. And feeling a little lightheaded by the time I headed up to bed at around 11.00. 

I made it to my bed, practised deep breathing, and turned on Millennium.
[On that note, it is officially Lance Henriksen Blog Week. So you better believe there shall be a post in the next day or so devoted entirely to Lance and Millennium.]

So I was watching TV, curled into a fetal position (head-between-your-knees-and-kiss-your-conscious-ass-goodbye kind of fetal), and a moth lands on the screen.

Bugs with 6 or 8 legs don't really bother me. However, the knowledge that a bug is flying around my room while I'm trying to go to sleep, and it's too dark to see where the bug is--that bothers me. I can't relax. The bug needs to get the eff out of my room like now. 

I don't like killing bugs, though. Instead, I take them outside (or in winter, sneak them into the basement because I feel guilty banishing them to the cold). 

Catching a flying bug (especially a moth) without injuring it, in a bedroom that's an obstacle course constructed out of my hoard, when you've only had 180 calories for the whole day and can barely stand up = impossible. 

As much as I hate admitting defeat, I recognized that such a task was entirely beyond my capabilities at that moment. 

Thankfully, I have learned from past mistakes and had emergency food in my nightstand drawer (a single 100-calorie pack of Ritz crackers--I only keep one food item in there at a time so I can't binge in the middle of the night). I inhaled the 100 calorie pack like the giant pig I felt like for consuming something solid during a liquids-only day. But it was an emergency. I needed fuel. 

I stood.


Getting to the light switch was not an option. And I was already too far away to turn on the lamp on the nightstand. I had limited energy with which to work; had to make it count.

I sized up the moth, and then moved in, attempting to trap the moth in my hands. Even with the TV on, I couldn't really see something the size of my thumbnail. When I thought I had caught it, I walked to the door as fast as I could without blacking out. Stepped out into the hallway to release the moth near the light (yeah there was no way I was making it all the way down the stairs and then back up again).

But I hadn't caught the moth.

So then I was like ok I made it this far, I can make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. (Your consciousness might be hanging by a thread, but that's no excuse to neglect your personal hygiene.) I made it to the bathroom, took roughly 25 minutes to brush my teeth and wash my face, and then on the way back, I turned on the light so I could have an easier time finding the moth.

The buggery bollocky  moth was gone. >:(

Now what? My energy stores were pretty much empty by then. Do I go back and turn the light off, and risk having to to the whole thing over again if the moth reappeared on the TV screen? Or do I leave the light on and hunt the moth down until I'm certain it is no longer in my bedroom?

Cue heart palpitations. 

I turned the light off. Grabbed the hairspray on my way back into bed. If the moth came back and I was unable to remove it from my bedroom, then it would have to die. Or at least get stunned with a blast of Aqua-Net. 


I settled down in my bed. Watched some Millennium. Tried to sleep.  Failed. Took another sleeping pill. Typed this, and caught up on some of your blogs. 

I start eating again tomorrow. Planned it all out and got everything ready: pre-measured almonds, roasted edamame things with wasabi
(Really delicious.)
 and some roast beef slices, a few pieces of beef jerky, and lettuce and hummus. 

I'm not really ready for serious carbs yet. I'll work on that for the end of the week. 

20 comments:

  1. oh god. you are so entertaining. especially when i cant sleep. <3

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  2. I keep a water sprayer in my room for moths. One with the nozzle you can turn to zap-status. Then I practice my sharp shooting, zap those fuckers until they fall down and then trap 'em under a cup. Or let my cat eat 'em. coz I hate touching 'em. I hate how they feel in my hands. *epileptic seizure from sensory memory*

    My head hurts really bad right now...I had veggie chips and watermelon for dinner. Connected?

    Viva la fetal position!

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  3. Moths die in my house. They are the natural enemy of the knitter; the wool-eating flying turds must be eliminated.

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  4. ahh, totally relate. flying insects in bedrooms at night are, in general, the equivalent of hell.

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  5. moths are gross, they leave all this furry dusty mess behind when you squish them >=[

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  6. Moths are the worst! I'm done trying to rescue them, they just keep coming back! I let the kitties get them. They're very good little exterminators!

    Well done on your low intake yesterday. I hope today goes just as well, if not better! Go, M.!

    I hope Miss Scarlet finds a new job soon and that the people who fired her get piles, big, nasty ones!

    Love you <3. XXX.

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  7. Hairspray is the one for killing moths (and wasps, I've noticed, but flies are practically invincible)
    I let my dog eat one once, but then he was sick. Not clever.
    I love your posts, they really make my day x

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  8. You're the best at >200 cal max liquid fasts. And measuring out the very sensible food choices for today. Good Girl!

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  9. I do the same thing with bugs, my family thinks I'm a loony for not wanting step on spiders as soon as I see them. I can't figure out that page for your friend, so I'm just clicking on every link on the page xD

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  10. Haha your posts are so funny! Im scared of moths, because I saw a scary film about them, so I don't dare kill them incase they haunt me :P stupid right?
    well done with the liquid fast! And pre-weighing food out is very clever :)
    Stay strong,
    Lottie x

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  11. I hate moths! I hate when they're stuck in your room at night and they keep bumping on the walls. Bump. Bump. Bump. They're just stupid and annoying. And I suspect even useless.
    Man I adore your cat!!! Sooo cute! I love love love cats <3

    Hugs honey

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  12. I love your pictures. They are always so entertaining. Moths are creepy. I'm not a bug person. I can't have little buggies in my room when I'm trying to sleep. I make my grandparents kill them. hehe.

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  13. I've never had a moth in my room.
    I am always getting those buzzing flies or the extremely irritating mosquito! I happily kill both.
    I also smoosh the spiders.
    Once I got a cricket in my room somehow. I trapped it in a jar and released it outside.
    I actually thought about keeping it but living alone in a jar sounded cruel.

    Sometimes it looks like your cartoon skin is plain white and other times like you have some really light color that I guess my paint doesn't have. Do you color your cartoon skin?
    Maybe the downstairs comp has more colors. My bedroom comp is so old it has an 18GB hard drive! 18 gigs total xD

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  14. i hate things flying in my room as well

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  15. I'm afraid of most flying insects. :(

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  16. You always know just what to say to make me feel better and feel better about my strange idiosyncrasies. If we do get locked up, I hope it's in the same facility. Thank you, M. You're the best! Love you. <3. XXX.

    http://208.71.34.142/comments/characters/my-little-pony//xoxo.gif

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  17. I know this is totally random, but it's SO SWEET of you to try to capture the moth instead of killing it even though you hate them. <3
    -hippie vegan moment-

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  18. also, random as fuck: have you ever tried snorting adderall?

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  19. ~20 posts later, I am now leaving an entirely different comment.

    You are an amazing writer. You also have a serious problem, but you knew that already. :) Back to the writing: in the space of half an hour, you have completely changed the way I look at people with eating disorders. Just like you said in that one post, about it being a Disorder and not a Diet. I think I actually believe you. And before this (30 minutes ago), I thought anorexic girls were all just stupid, conceited, attention whores.

    So good job! And God speed!







    ..
    ...
    ...eat something.

    :D

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  20. >:( Blogger deleted the first half of my comment. It basically said that after reading this post, I was about to tell you to go eat something, but then I got distracted and read a bunch of your old posts.

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We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.