Oh Robin, I'm so HEPPEH!

This is effing hysterical.  

Finally finished cooking the rest of the kidney into more pies. They go into the freezer tomorrow, so we can have them anytime! The whole house still reeks of kidneys. 

My friend took a nice photo of me baking the steak and kidney pies on Sunday.

(You can tell I've been drinking because my nose and chest are red.)

I have been trying to drink more water (~8 cups/~2 liters per day). I have one of these things:

Stepmom got it for me for Christmas. It holds half a litre. 

I hate water. 

I've never been a water drinker. Sure I love my tea and coffee and occasional fizzy drink, but I don't like water. Once in a while, I might be hit with an incredible thirst and down two glasses all at once, but aside from the glass of water next to my bed that I (unconsciously) drink during the night, I don't really drink water.

I went on this website and took the quiz, which said I only need between 1.7 and 1.3 litres a day, based on my height, weight, gender, average daily exercise, altitude, etc.; but since I don't really drink any water at all ever, I thought maybe I should aim higher. That way, I'm more likely to end the day at the number I'm supposed to. And yeah apparently the whole caffeinated-drinks-don't-count-as-water thing is a myth. Woohoo! Obviously water is better, but it's good to know my coffee and tea count as water beverages. 


So at this stage (day three Lots of Water), I may as well just move into the bathroom. Instead of my usual have-to-pee-every-half-hour, now it's like every 10 minutes. 
-____-

My moods have been going up and down like crazy. This is a fairly recent development. Previously, I was calm, flat, Zen-like, and more or less braindead. All the time. Unless I got irritable, but since I have an extreme amount of patience, the irritability was rare. And then there was RAGE--even rarer than irritation. To this day, only 3 or 4 people have ever seen me escalate to actual RAGE. 

But in the last few months, my moods have been riding a rollercoaster of internalized spastication. I reveal nothing on the outside, but inside has become a war zone. In the space of 90 seconds, I can feel:

Calm-->Hopeful/Looking forward to the rest of the day-->Dreading the rest of the day (even though nothing whatsoever in my plans has changed)-->Restless-->Random wave of euphoria-->Distracted by shiny object/loud noise/interesting fact/etc.-->Completely hopeless/what's the point/I should just give up on life-->OMG I should totally go write now-->Writers block-->Irritable-->Distracted-->Calm-->start over

I'm probably not describing this as best as I could, but Emotions are a new phenomenon for me. I'm not really sure what all of them are called, nor what the rights words are that describe them.

And I don't like this ONE BIT. I very much enjoyed my antisocial personality flatness. 'Twas comfortable. 'Twas familiar. 'Twas very simple and unfettered by human nonsense. 

I think this mental thing may have actually started with the cessation of my womanlies. We're into the final countdown now before I'm due for the yearly check-up with my lady-doctor. I've got less than 2 months to decide if I'm going to come clean and tell her I haven't gotten my womanlies in almost a year, or lie and say everything's fine. 

[Right now I'm leaning towards the lying.]

Idk what to do about my moods. I can't really afford to see a therapist every week (plus I don't like the idea of giving up 30 mins+ of gym time). I have a feeling I would be sent to a psychiatrist if I did opt for therapy, and they'd want to put me on medication. I'll take sedatives without question, but I don't want antidepressants or anything like that, because I'm not depressed. And then there's the fact that people like therapists send me into Perfectly-Obliging-Polite-Charming-Fairy-Mode, which in turn makes therapists believe I'm totally normal. But then what if this anti-antisocial mood swing thing is affecting that part as well? WHAT IF I CAN'T TURN ON THE CHARM ANYMORE?! Are my days as a con artist OVER?!?

::hyperventilates::

...Let's not panic yet. This is something that can be easily tested. The Damsel In Distress Act hasn't failed me yet (knockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwood). I've been conning the male population into carrying things for me for the better part of a decade. (Especially when traveling: a lady ought not lift her own luggage higher than her waist. It's unseemly.) I just need a decent challenge to make sure I've still got my mad skills.


Note to self: test this in the morning. I'll get back to y'all on that...


I got a lovely package from Cinnamon Brown on Monday. Thank you LOADS, pretty lady!! You're too generous. <3


The slippers make me deliriously happy.

The bells are driving Mum and the cats bonkers. :D


The bracelet is stunning. 

And I've modeled the gloves because they go nicely with my luminous white skin. 

This is what I'm doing at nearly one in the morning because I can't sleep.


I've collected some fabulous little things for a thank-you package. So be excited. 


Alrightly I think the sleepies are finally starting to kick in. Later, loveies!