Friday, October 28, 2011

Roll the windows down; This cool night air is curious

So now onto Jeep#2! In case you've forgotten since the Car Post Part 1, I'm talking about this car:

Unlike Jeep1, Jeep2's problems WERE ABSOLUTELY NOT my fault. 

PTSD has left me uncertain of the exact chronological order of Jeep2's many issues. I think the recall notices came first: 
1. The brakes were recalled, because apparently they had a tendency to fail without any reason or warning. 

2. The seatbelts were recalled, because apparently they had a tendency to malfunction and trap the passengers.

3. The heated seats were recalled, because apparently they had a tendency to spontaneously combust. 

4. The brakes were recalled a second time, because apparently the new ones had a tendency to fail as well. 

After all of these recalls were fixed at Bergen Dodge, and then at Ramsey Chrysler after Bergen Dodge went out of business, I experienced the following recurring problems:
- The brakes were rather temperamental, and would not work immediately if you were driving downhill, in the rain, or too closely behind an expensive car. Oh and if it's snowing? LOL. 

- All three of the seatbelts in the back didn't work. Two of them were permanently buckled and you could only be buckled in if you used your ninja skills and shimmied underneath the buckled seatbelt. The one in the middle refused to buckle at all. 

- The heated seats apparently didn't work at all either, according to various passengers. I myself was never brave enough to actually turn them on.

And it seemed that every time I brought Jeep2 in for it's regular service, they found something new wrong with it. And that something new usually cost upwards of $500-$1,000.  Because of course none of it was covered under the warranty (I'm pretty sure the "warranty" never existed in the first place). 

The the Weird Thing started happening. The first time was on my way home from school. I had a late class at Ramapo that night and was flooring it home to watch the new episode of House (this was before House got retarded). About 5 minutes away from my house, while rounding a corner, I noticed that my RPM gauge had started to go nuts for no apparent reason, and I was like wtf?

And then the car died. 

Just died. Because it had power steering, I couldn't really steer the car onto the side of the road. And the brakes weren't working. That was totally awesome. 

I had the car towed, missed House, and then like 2 days later picked the car up from the dealership and paid some heinous amount of money to fix "an issue with the central computer." 

I don't know much about cars, but that sounds like total BS to me. 

A couple days later, one morning on the way to school, THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED. So I had the car towed again. And paid a mothereffing fortune to get it fixed again, because the c*ntrags at Bergen Dodge listed it as being a completely different problem than last time, so I couldn't accuse them of not fixing it last time. But what are you gonna do? I worked and went to school full time--I needed a functioning car. 

On the way home from picking the supposedly fixed Jeep2 up from Bergen Dodge, THE SAME BLOODY THING HAPPENED AGAIN. And this time it happened on Route 17 during rush hour, while I was speeding along in the fast lane. 

If any of you are familiar with Bergen County at all, you know how awesome Route 17 is. 

 Now imagine your car dies in the fast lane of a busy highway--your brakes aren't working, and it takes all of your strength to get the steering wheel to move.

Unfortunately, I did not get a chance to go back to Bergen Dodge with an axe and a flamethrower. Mum did it for me, and they did manage to fix the Weird Thing after that, about a month or so before Bergen Dodge went under. 

The rest of Jeep2's life was more or less uneventful, as by then I was used to replacing the brakes, transmission, shocks, and everything else multiple times a year. I had come to accept Jeep2's status as a total piece of shite. My real problem, during those last few months, was really with Ramsey Chrysler. 

The people working their service department are CROOKS. There is no other word for them. Lying, thieving sacks of manure. And the proof that they are truly bad people comes from the fact that they managed to make me lose my temper in public, which is--as anyone who knows me will tell you--more or less impossible. 

The last time Jeep2 went in for it's regular service, I got a call that all 4 shocks needed replacing. Since you kind of need those, I said ok, even though I was charged over $1,000.00 for it. (They tried to charge me over $2,000, but I used some very strong language with the gentleman on the phone and asked to be faxed a full report of everything they were doing to the car and its cost, and the price magically went down.) 

Less than two months after this, I noticed a funny noise coming from within Jeep2, like a thudding sound every time I went over even a small bump in the road. 

Kind of like the sound your shocks make when they need to be replaced. 

Just to be sure, I took Jeep2 to the nearby Sunoco station where we know the owners, and had Don look at it (I never got the car fixed there because Mum helped with the service costs, and insisted we only let Factory Trained Mechanics touch the Jeep or the "warranty" would be voided). While I was at work in Express (which was next door to the Sunoco), Don checked out the Jeep, and when I came back, he informed me that I needed new shocks. 

And I said that can't be right--I just had them replaced.

And Don was like you want my honest opinion? None of those shocks are anywhere near new. They're all shot. You need new ones. 

Now in general I am a very calm and composed sort of person. I do not yell. I do not even raise my voice. I do not get angry, or visibly ruffled, or anything like that. I am the happy, zen-like, calm little center of the universe. But when Don told me that the shocks--for which I had just paid over $1,000--had NOT actually been replaced, something snapped. 

It should take like 15 minutes to get from the Sunoco to Ramsey Chrysler. It took me 7. 

And you better believe I did some serious yelling. 

(There was another woman who had come in before me with a similar issue of paying for something they hadn't fixed. She told me I was her hero before she left. :D )
After that, all future service and maintenance on Jeep2 was done free of charge. Always, and without question. 

I only had Jeep2 for another couple months after that. And I was still left with something like $4,500.00 in credit card debt, which I am still paying off. 


  1. Wow. Just wow. I would have lost my shit so much sooner than you.

  2. Excellent post as usual.I agree completely with Haven here, wow!

  3. I love how often you use the original Super Mario to illustrate a point. :D

  4. Holy frack! That is unbelievable crap. I come from a fam that got hand-me-down Toyotas & Hondas (when we were poorer) from my grandparents, and both those brands are hard to kill. Our 1990 Camry went through 3 generations and 240,000 miles before it bit the dust. Woot for you having a Toyota now :)

  5. Tsk, that Jeep sounds like a cross between a lemon and a death trap.

  6. I don't know how you stayed calm for that long XD I would of completely lost my mind!!!!!!! xx

  7. mmm car troubles, I've been there.

  8. Wow. I'm glad I can't drive/have a car. I love the image I have in my head of you screaming at them though xD xx

  9. Thank goodness you survived? Clearly the Jeep was a covert assassin sent to kill you and prevent you from accomplishing your mission. YOU WIN!

    Also, is the subject a lyric from a deftones song?

    Lastly, dragon Aisling needs to come live in my pocket. That is all.

    <3 xo <3 xo <3

  10. omg... wow, that jeep was a horror, sounds like... jeez, I'd have sued them, actually for taking your money and not fixing your car.. wow. well, i guess anything jeep-related is now off my list of potential automobiles ermm, i mean, death machines

  11. You make a beautiful dragon<3

    I'm having car issues too :[ It's shit.

    You are so lovely. I wish we could live somewhere we both agreed was amazing and be best friends.

  12. The dinosaur picture is awesome.

    Also, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, I find your car woes strangely amusing.

  13. Deftones!! Hell Yeah! I wore out my White Pony CD back in the day. Haven't listened to their subsequent albums much though.

    Anyway, thank you for reminding me why I never bought a car, and rarely drove once I acquired my license (from THE worst driving school ever). Mandatory insurance? Con artist mechanics? New Jersey roads? NO THANK YOU.

    I shall use public transportation. Ha ha.

  14. I definitely agree with some of the other commenters. Alternative forms of transportation may be less convenient, but I think they save you a lot of money and a big head ache in the long run. I get where I need to go via bus. I’ve never gotten a license, but I think that’s because of my inexplicable driving phobia =/

  15. I've got my demon infested computer back and am catching up on everyones blogs. The animation on this one is brilliant. I don't know how you were nice as long as you were. If it were me, on the second brake failure, I'd have doused the thing with gasoline, set it alight, aimed it at the dealership and gone to confession afterwards. Release your inner dragon Mich, release your inner dragon.


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.