Monday, October 24, 2011

Shake a leg Junior! Thank God your mammy died givin' birth. If she'd have seen you, she'd have died o' shame.

Clytie is a genius. Inspired by her blog post, I made this:

That's a Van's low-cal waffle (70 calories), 2 small spoonfuls of Edy's slow-churned caramel delight ice cream (40ish cals), and just a little sugar free maple syrup (it's 15 cals per 1/4 cup and I think I barely used a tbsp, so I guess it's like 4 calories?). 
A nice size Belgian waffle sundae for a grand total of 114 calories. 

But I shouldn't even be eating that. I've zeppelined right back up to 108 lbs (BMI 20.4) and I feel anxious and cold-sweat-ish whenever I have to go out where people can see me. Such as leaving my bedroom and being seen by Mum or Little Sis on the way to the bathroom. I've been wearing hardly anything but oversized sweaters and sweatpants to cover up the largeness. 

This is my reward for my attempts at Recovery. I haven't BINGE binged in a loooooong time. As in the fill-my-pockets-with-as-much-junk-food-as-I-can-manage-and-hide-in-my-bedroom-stuffing-my-face-in-the-middle-of-the-night kind of bingeing. I haven't done that in WEEKS. For the most part, I've eaten below what a normal person should eat. And somehow I have managed to gain roughly 8 lbs since the beginning of the summer. 

No matter what I do--eat normal, restrict, fast, starve, workout--I'm still gaining weight. Every week I go to weigh myself and no matter whether it's been a bad week or a good week food and exercise-wise, I'm still gaining weight. 
I AM GOING TO HAVE A MOTHERTRUCKING NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. Seriously. This makes me want to do very bad things for which I do not have money. 

>:(

My printer at work is accosting me. 
Y'all are familiar with my issues with electronics and conspiracy-theory-paranoia by now. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm unknowingly part of some secret government experiment. (I've been watching a lot of the X Files, if you can't tell--I got seasons 6 and 7 on DVD for like $15 each. :D)

Either yes, the government is experimenting on me; I generate lots of radiation naturally; or my office is haunted. 

Specifically, my printer is haunted, and it's only haunted when I'm alone in the office. 
Look at it there, being Evil while my back is turned.

I'll just be sitting there, going about my daily business, the printer only doing things and making noise when I print stuff. 

And then, usually in the middle of a brief lull in the office work, the printer will yell at me. 

It kind of reminds me of my old car (the 2000 Jeep Grand Spastic Limited)--I'd be driving along, all alone in the car, and the passenger window would just go down all by itself. (And that was just the beginning of that car's Madness...)

The bathroom in my old house did something similar as well. Mum and I got to talking about that this weekend, actually. We moved out of that house in 2001, and I still miss it. 

The downstairs bathroom had a vent in the ceiling that would scream at you when you turned the light on. It was customary for those of us who were familiar with this to send ignorant visitors into that bathroom and wait outside to hear their horrified reactions. The vent did not automatically scream at you when the light went on--sometimes it would start shrieking immediately, sometimes it wouldn't scream at all. The best ever was when the vent would wait before it started screaming, giving the person in the bathroom time to sit down on the loo and relax before being frightened out of their wits. 

I've been trawling around youtube for like an hour trying to find something that sounds similar to the screaming bathroom vent, but there's nothing. It kind of a little bit sounds like the noise you hear in this vid, when you let the mouse hover over the "play" button.
Only in the bathroom it was more drawn out. 

Watch that video. If you don't find the letter in place of "H" to be funny, I question your sense of humour. 

<3


21 comments:

  1. God that waffle looks good.....*drools* God i love you posts, they make me smile! :D I hate it when inanimate objects scream or creak for no reason randomly...freaks the hell out of me!! Don't worry about the slight weight gain, 108lbs is bloody good :) You still look dead slim :) It's just weight fluctuations :( Bloody body!! I usually find if i eat teeny amounts regular, the weight doesn't go up! xx

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  2. That waffle looks amazing. I've never heard of that ice cream before but to me it sounds delicious! I know that feeling about missing your old house too. I feel the same about the old place we used to live in, I miss it a lot.

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  3. I don't know any tricks to loose weight beyond exersize and moderation but I do know if you eat very little your body hoards the fat cause it thinks food is scarse! I've been losing weight resently by walking regularly eating when hungry and eating a bowl of ice cream (vinilla my fav flav!) two or three nights a week and hour or two before bed. I bought a book called the ice cream diet and the jist of it is eating ice cream keeps your body processing food and burning it off and stops it from storing it as fat. I don't know if it will work for you though, it works for me but I'm 5foot 11inches and weigh in at over 300lbs. (although some of that is muscle!)

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  4. Well I'm honored :]

    I received Princess Saphire today! Thank you so much!!!! <3333

    I hope you start to feel better. A BMI of 20.4 is a very very far thing from being the least bit fat, but I know you feel differently. Just ahng in there, and hopefully your body will start coperating soon!

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  5. I wanna wtf is going on in that painting behind the red noise-marks coming from the vent... and also a post about the Mad Car! Mad Cars are always fun, and you're always fun, that would be 2X FUN!! lol..
    also, I've got to lol a little at bersercules.. yea I'd guess eating ice cream wouldn't hinder your loss too much at that weight, I doubt he'd be saying that same thing if he were near 100lbs, silly boy :)
    If you're going work on recovery you have to know it's /supposed/ to entail gaining some weight. It could be good for you to try using a measuring tape along with your scale and work on weight lifting and gaining muscle weight more than cardio.
    That's what I think I'll do when I leave here and start working on getting better (will not even try in this environment, don't know if can or not, I just refuse).. gain more muscle instead of fat-weight to stay looking as or almost as slim as you do now but can eat a bit more of a healthy amount.
    I don't know if this is just an annoying comment with a bunch of stuff you already know or not but I hope you can start feeling better lovely
    sorry for the essay-length comment, ending now, sorry!

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  6. hahahaha! i love the cartoon about the printer XD i frikkin hate modern technology. its amazing how i managed to somehow get the hang of this whole blogging business :S x x x x x

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  7. So, that waffle concoction looks bloody delicious! Only wish I could be trusted with ice cream...period.

    And sorry you're feeling frustrated. Our bodies can be so damn infuriating sometimes. I'm really proud of you for eating "normally" and not binge eating. That is a HUGE accomplishment.

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  8. Try not to freak out. You are the same size as a 5th grader. You are a grown woman. Run your hands through your hair and remember to breathe.

    <3

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  9. That waffle looks wicked! Don't worry, I've put on 13lbs this winter. Goddess help me! I, too, am in the 'baggies'! Been running like a mofo!

    My fridge squeaks and hums, but I'm told it's a quirk of the slimline model. I turn the extractor fan on when guests are in the bathroom. Usually scares the bejesus out of them! Hilarious!

    That video is psychotic! I fucking love it! :)

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  10. I just wanted to let you know that I read your whole blog, like, all your posts.

    I've heard about people physically having some kind of electric current in their bodies. I watched a National Geographic about it many years ago. They make street lights go off when they pass them and other symptoms similar to yours. It's a medical phenomenon (. . .not a government conspiracy). Maybe you should try a tin foil hat, ya know, to block the electrical currents from radiating from your skull?

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  11. i know you are soooo frustrated, but you are still tiny.....i'm going through the same thing.....so much for being "115 Halloween".....ha! i'm back to being a fatty, Mc Fatty....GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Worst thing is , i know what i'm doing wrong.


    i miss my old house too.....love all your pic's and you too.

    Let's go hide somewhere together.......

    xoxo

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  12. I was woken up by the other morning by the foxes in the field at the bottom of my garden doing their mating calls. It was AWFUL.

    xxx

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  13. Sorry it took so long for me to get here. My computer went down yesterday (it hates me and is possessed by demons engineered by Dick Chaney. I'm sure of it)And weight, God cursed us. Don't be too hard on yourself about weight. Is there a sport you enjoy? I play drums and that keeps my weight in check (mostly) but I could never do straight exercises because I wouldn't stick with it. Oh and thanks for the link :)

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  14. I love when things obviously get their own lives... I like to curse them as well xD . Mh, I'd love to hear more about your old car!

    The waffle looks fantastic. I really hope you enjoyed it :) . Please don't be so cruel to yourself. I know this won't help a lot but I know you're working out a hell of a lot and I mean - you gain muscles from that, right? And muscles weigh more than fat. I try to remind myself of that every day and I try to avoid the scales as well ;) .
    You haven't binged for a looong time and that is GREAT!!! This is a big step forward :)

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  15. Hmm, now that I think about it, my printer is evil as well.

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  16. I have a question which is absolutely critical to the reading of Underwood: Are these Girl Scout "peanut butter patties" Do-Si-Dos or Tagalongs?

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  17. heh, lots of hauntings/satan possessions it seems ... printer, house, car...

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  18. No matter what I do, I also seem to GAIN. I'm so tired of gaining. Half the time I gain even when I fast. I don't get it.

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