My Halloween costume came in the post today...
YES, I know it's only April, but good costumes take lots of planning ahead of time. I still have to make some alterations, and get a bigger pannier for maximum hippage.
Plus friend and I are taking the dress on a spring photo shoot, because it will look nice among flowers and historic buildings.
Saw a friend of Mum's today--a lady I haven't seen in a long time. She takes one look at me and goes, "OH MY GOD, you're skin and bone!!"
I had to stop for a sec and check that there was no one behind me, because obviously she can't have meant ME.
Apparently she did mean me.
I then had to take a moment to compose myself, because when I say what I'm thinking in these situations ("Are you kidding? I'm WHALE.") people look at me funny.
I wish I could see what she saw. Just once.
Kazehana did a post about this not too long ago--about how your eyes tell you something completely different than your other senses, when it comes to your body. I can feel my ribs sometimes, and my hip bones; but I look in the mirror, and usually I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Because obviously I'm fat. My hands that feel for bones, and the people who tell me I'm skinny are lying. They have to be. Because if I was skinny, I would SEE that I'm skinny, right?
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY BLOODY SENSE. And I think I'm a fairly rational sort of person in general.
...Most of the time.
But this just blows my mind. How can I not see what's actually there? I'm not on drugs. I'm not having an acid flashback. I'm staring in the mirror at myself nude and seeing a fat person. So it has to be real.
I debated doing this for some time, but I think I'm just going to post the photos. I may take them down later, when I look back on this entry in abject horror at the barely-censored photos of my hugeness.
I took these photos today, to see if maybe I'd be able to see myself properly in a photo--I thought maybe looking at myself in some way other than through a mirror, I might see what other people see.
But no. I'm still huge. My Problem Spots may as well have spotlights on them.
I'm like halfway through the epic illustration of Kazehana's dream! Be excited.
xoxo
Your stomache and arms are beautiful! oxox
ReplyDeleteyou look great,
ReplyDeleteI hate that we can never see how we really are either.
I'd do the same thing, my picture would look like a NFL playbook so many problem things I would point to and scribble on!
Well IIIII think you look great :] But I know you're going to think what you're going to think. You have a very nice profile ;]
ReplyDeleteHave fun in your costume. Photo shoots are fun!!
<3
Don't you just love it when you can't help but get cat hair all over your newly cleaned clothes? My cat does it to me all the time. And that costume is so pretty! I'm most definitely jealous. I love halloween enough to already be wishing to buy costumes, but i'm poor enough to not afford them.
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling about not seeing what other people see when you look at yourself. I feel the same exact way, but trust me you really do look lovely.
Mich...you are gorgeous. I know how hard it is to see this in ourselves sometimes so I don't expect you to believe me, but know that I think it :) Your costume looks beautiful! I wish I had a Halloween party to go to that I could dress all fancy like that for! I love that you're planning all early! And I can't wait to see the spring photo shoot pictures! <3 Jade
ReplyDeleteAh I wish I had your thighs! They're perfect! Also that dress is just too cute on you :) you're really intense about Halloween!
ReplyDeleteYour cat is so cute. =^._.^=
ReplyDeleteAnd so are you! Your tummy is totally enviable. Even at my skinniest, I still had a little pooch, but yours is completely flat (I promise)! I see hips and some ribs, too, so you must be doing something right, you gorgeous thing. <3
And OMG, is that a Harley Quinn tattoo?! Oh, you totally win the Internet today.
ReplyDeletemost of the parts you scribbled on are probably so close to the bone, you'd have to hack off a piece of pelvis, shave down your ulna, scrape you fibia and have your uterus and six to eight feet of intestines removed to have those scribbledy areas look the way you think they should.
ReplyDeletein other words...yeah. you look fabulous.
I think a lot of times, we want our bodies to look like someone who isn't us at all. we don't like the shape we were born with, the bone structure we've inherited. we want something else.
but the long and short of it is that we are how we should be. gracefully accepting that, though, is kind of like a murder wrapped in a boxing match, rolled up in a riot, and smothered with pork green chili.
uhm, you look pretty damn fine to me, ma'am.
ReplyDeleteI want your stomach it's so flat and I spy hips! I know what you mean with having to compose yourself, I just mutter my thanks and try and change the subject. I really don't understand body destortion at all.
ReplyDeletelove,
lottie ♥
What are those red scribblings doing on your stomach??? I know, your hand muscles must have had a moment of spastic-ism and you were too lazy to erase those lines! :P But seriously, you look great! AND I WANT YOUR STOMACH MUHAHAHA! :D (Project work has done something to my brain...)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I've been meaning to say this for awhile, but I was afraid it would come out incredibly random. DON'T YOU EVER DARE LEAVE THIS BLOG! (well, without first saying anything...)I've read some blogs where the bloggers just disappear and it makes me feel incredibly sad... and I've been reading your blog for so long, if you disappear, it would be like losing a friend ): (even though you don't know me)
you look great, i wish i looked like you *sigh*.
ReplyDeletelet me know when you get my package, i'm paranoid it's going to get lost lol.
X
I freaking love your Halloween costume! I love to dress up like that- you're never too old for costumes! Can you post the spring photos whenever you guys take them? I bet they'll look gorgeous! It's weird how we look at our bodies they way we do. People tell me I'm normal zized (I'm not in the "skinny" category yet), but all I see it hugeness. Even if the numbers on the scale go down, my belly seems to get bigger!
ReplyDeleteMich,you are absolutely lovely! I would kill to have your body! Though you may not see it, others do- I think you look fantastic :)
♥
you look fantastic. i would kill for your tummy. and i fucking LOVE your halloween costume.
ReplyDeleteMich, you are SO beautiful. You make that costume perfect. I would literally kill you and pull a Buffalo Bill.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to do this! (i only agree with the thighs in this pic) x
ReplyDeleteMich,
ReplyDeletePlease....you look like thinspo...REALLY!!!! Your flat, flat stomach is now my personal inspiration! Well, all of you is!
Your costume is gorgeous...as another commenter mentioned, i wish i had a Halloween party to go to! And wear something amazing!
Stay lovely, my Idol,
tracy
But you are perfect!! I know what you mean about not seeing what people see. I love your tummy. If I could have your tummy, I can die in peace!!
ReplyDeleteYour costume is gorgeous!! Yes, planning is essential and if you want to gt it right, you have to start early.
I so want your body!!! sigh.........
Typical kitty! I slept, squished between Bella and the Meezer last night! My neck is killing me!
ReplyDeleteI love the dress, Babe! You'll be the 'belle of the ball', as usual!
I also get the shits when people comment on my weight, I just don't see it either! Feck, I wish my tum was as flat as yours and your skin is like ivory, no fair!
I totally get wanting to trim bits off. If I had my way, I'd be a walking skeleton! Your Harley tat is wicked!
Love you. <3. XXX.
Such a cute mischievous kitty!!!! Drools over Halloween costume, Drools! I wanna be Princess Tiana this year. I hope they come out with a slutty one.
ReplyDeleteOkay, Honesty time: so looking at your pictures and then looking at my pictures/video (I do the same thing) I have come to the conclusion that our eyes are not broken. I can simultaneously look at your picture and see there is no way in hell that you need to lose weight because you look frickin' awesome and I would tap that, but then I see all the areas you circled and understand where you think there is weight to loose. Thus, I believe that what's really going on here is that society at large *not the media society and pardon the pun* has a general idea of what "skin and bones" looks like and we, the overachieving literalists, have quite another ideal. To me at least, "skin and bones" means I consist solely of skin and bones buffered by a thin layer of muscle. If I can pull at any part of my body that is fat and I have fat and therefore I am fat. Realism doesn't really support the sustainability of this view but it is what it is.
So in conclusion, no you're not fat. But you're not crazy either.
Love monster you!
First, LOVE the cat. I have one that looks like her :-) (in grey)
ReplyDeleteSecond: my body looks like yours, really. But I realized it after a second, right after thinking "she is so not a whale". I realized it and I thought that something like an hour ago my boyfriend told me I need to lose fifteen pounds cos I am a beached whale. And I agree with him. I can see this on myself and plan crazy diet schemes and become paranoid, but I can't see it on someone that has my same body. But it doesn't matter, right? It's just the most important thing, it's the ultimate goal, it's THE thing that will change your life forever. Can you name the
things you will do when you'll be skinny enough? I have lost count of them. It is that in the end, it is something we strive for, a revolution, an epiphany. And it is so beautiful thinking that we can achieve that simply by losing weight, so we never change, we always see it, even when it's not there anymore.
Hugs
That is a wicked halloween costume.
ReplyDeleteAnd you do look great, but I feel like I don't see what other people do either. Physical recovery: check. Mental recovery: not so much.
I love your body and in my case I would kill to have something like yours only because I am a whale. It is hard to see what others see.
ReplyDeleteI think you are one of the most beautiful people I have "met"- I'm not just saying it, I swear. Blogger is being a temperamental b!tch right now and I wouldn't endure 5 minutes of my screen randomly freezing just to type a few lies. Seriously. haha.
ReplyDeleteYou're beautiful, both inside and out.
Have a great week, Mich. xx
u really do look good hun
ReplyDeleteand ur costume wow amazing
look at those beautiful hip bones!!!
ReplyDeletexo Chloe
Haha naughty kitty.
ReplyDeleteOmg what a gorgeous dress! Please please post the photoshoot pics! Want tto see!!
Ooo nudie Mich. *slaps self HARD*
Ok let's try to talk like a philosophy major instead of a roiling cauldron of hormones....
You are very thin. After my initial drooling was over the first thing I noticed was a clear set of hipbones. Tho I do understand why the red squigglies. Hell I want to look like Samantha Ronson and it really bothers me that I might not be built that way.
I still think you're hot btw. Totally up for some friends-w-benefits if you're ever in my neck of the woods and feeling a bit "bi-curious" ^_^
I'm jealous of your stomach ):
ReplyDeleteI'd give anthing to look like that! Your stomach is so flat...nothing the chuncky pudding mine is. (depressed)
ReplyDelete~MLM
I assume most of the comments above say the same things I'm about to say, but I'll say them, anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou look fucking fantastic. And I mean the fucking part literally, if I may be scatological. I'd do you in a minute.
(I'm extremely married, and happily so. Just thought I'd tell you my first impression in the exact way it hit me.)
Really, honestly, you are beautiful. There is not a single thing wrong with your body except for the way you're seeing it. You could gain ten or fifteen pounds and still be extremely sexy. However, if you lose weight, you will become less sexy.
Your body is fantastic as is. I don't know what else to say to help you see that.
kittyyyyyyy. i love cats. if they didn't fuck with shit, they wouldn't be so awesome, you know?
ReplyDeletealso you're hot, jfc.
Psh. You shouldn't worry so much. You look great, even if you don't feel it. People tell me I'm too small now, and I think in my head about how I'm not even past 120 lbs yet! Drives me insane. All in all, I've come a long way myself. So have you, so don't fret so much. And I love love love your costume!
ReplyDeleteYou are FREAKING gorgeous! Stop thinking otherwise! I would pay biggg money to be your size!
ReplyDeleteLove ya girly.
Stay confident <3
you dont want boobs? is that why there is an x on your tits? by the way you really are fat. i think amybe you should stop eating so much and you wont be so damn FAT! quit wineing and get your ass to the guym!!!! FATTY!
ReplyDeleteps..... i hate it when skinny girls call themselgz fat. try really being fat, you dont know shit about beig fat so shut it! skinny bitch god damn it! just be happy your stomach doset touch yoru knees... have you SEEN what fat pepole look like? damn! so anyway stop comlaining.
one dose not see with thier eyes, they precive with there mind. it is not OUR eyes that are broken it is your perception of reality that is broken, beaten, and twitsted by the midea. when somone calls you beutiful, tells you you are skinny and you look at yourself and say " i wish i could see what they see" stop your self and FORCE yourself to open up to the possiblity that you ARE beutiful. let yourself think you are skinny and that you look nice, belive me once you let an idea in your head it stays there.
ReplyDeletethe meida has pushed this figure , the slim no fat figure, so that they can create a want. the media feeds of wanting pepole. they want you to froget that "ugly" and "fat" pepole DO get married and live happy healthy lives. ask yourself "why" why you want to be thinner. health? sex?
Okay- I'm going to be totally honest with you right now because I'm your friend, I love you, and because apparently nobody else has the guts to do it.
ReplyDeleteYou have spiders on your boobs.
Shame on everyone else for not telling Mich before this. SHAME.
In other news, your non-spider covered parts are smokin' hawt. I want you to make some serious storybook pr0ns with that dress. Just sayin.
Mich, you look lovely, small and toned. I understand where you are coming from and why you want to change.
ReplyDeleteI have trouble seeing the 'real me' in the mirror, to other's I suppose I look athletic and healthy but to me I look jiggly, wide and fat/obese.
~ H
Your halloween costume preparing is amazing, you are so right great costumes take planning!
Mich! You have a fucking awesome body!!! I would kill for your body.. ok not literally but you know.
ReplyDeleteYour costume is amazing!! you're going to look stunning :)
Sorry for the lack of recent comments, know I still think of you often and love your blog xxx