TONIGHT

I AM GOING ON A DATE.

Reasons I'll Never be an Adult

I'm stealing from Hyperbole and Half because honestly I think this applies to almost everyone.

Remember when you were little and you were certain that adults had all the answers, that they always knew what they were doing, and that one glorious day, you too would be gifted with the same Adultness and everything would be perfect? When things got scary or upsetting, I remember I would console myself by thinking that when I became an Adult, things like dentist appointments and having a job wouldn't be scary or difficult. Because Adults don't get scared of root canals or job responsibilities.

It occurred to me around the age of 25 or 26 that I still had not morphed into that mythical Adult. And I never will. Because I still exhibit the same behaviours that frequently got me told off as a child.

Thing like

Dawdling.

I'm pretty sure the only reason Bossman doesn't fire me is because I do the work of 3 people faster than 3 people could actually do it and I can type over 100 words a minute.

I am late to work almost every single day. Not hugely late; usually like 5 minutes or less (I consider that an offense worthy of firing because I am slightly insane and my version of work ethic is more like severe OCD.) Even when I get up early, I'm late. Why? Because I dawdle.

I get distracted by the cats being cute. I get distracted by which earrings I could wear. A good song on my itunes playlist. A good song I can play along with on my bass. A fun bird outside my door. The other cat being cute. What sweater to wear. Which art supplies to bring to work. Oh hey I want to colour right now.

I could wake up 3 hours before I have to be at work. I will still arrive late.

Getting distracted by pets when I should be trying to act like an adult.

We had a church leaders meeting a few weeks ago at a friend's house. While everyone else sat around discussing important stuff, I spent the meeting following Mike's cat around his house and trying to be its friend.

Spending enormous amounts of time and money on utter nonsense.

At any given time, I am on a mission. It might be to acquire a house plant, set a fire in the shape of a bird, obsessively hunt down rare My Little Ponies, stalk David Eugene Edwards, teach birds to imitate R2D2.... you get the idea.

I am currently on a mission to make friends with a crow. Why? Because some girl on the internet did and the crow started bringing her presents.

I just want a crow to hang out with me all the time so I can be cool like Odin.

Fidgeting.

Remember when you were little and your parents smacked you because you couldn't stop fidgeting during Sunday mass? The best thing about being in the church band is that we sneak out the back after the music is done, and no one will notice if I never go back in for the sermon. Our pastor tends to ramble on forever and constantly loses focus and goes off on tangents and rambles on some more and I just can't.

I am a fidgeter. I have been fidgeting since the day I was able to hold up my own head without parental assistance. Only three things can keep me still for more than 30 seconds--eating, reading a good book, and sleeping pills. .........Actually no, that is a lie. I fidget my feet when eating. I fidget my hands and feet while reading. And whilst sleeping I toss and turn like a freaking rotisserie chicken.

I'm fidgeting right now, as I sit at my desk. I spend a good chunk of the workday more or less running in place because I just can't bloody sit still.

In other news.......

He is single. BUT he is also recently divorced. So idk