Fool of a Took!

I failed on day 2 of SGD. Was up to 600 by the end of the day (should have been 300), and that's not counting the steamed veggies I had for dinner. Little Sis, being bored and shut in on her snow day because FOR SOME BLOODY REASON the town does not feel that it is necessary to salt or plow my street.... What was I saying? Oh yes... Little Sis made cookies from scratch, with M&M's instead of chocolate chips. I had three and half. It is currently taking every last ounce of my willpower not to run downstairs and eat the rest.

But I did finally make it out to the gym. I needed it after a full day home with just Mum and Little Sis, much of that time spent without electricity.
Yikes.

A couple more of you gorgeous girls have nominated me for the Honest Scrap award again. So instead of providing 10+ more facts, I am going to provide you with the most honest and uncensored look into a woman's psyche that you can possibly get.

I am going to show you what's in my purse. Everything. I just cleaned it out. And I've numbered everything so I can explain myself.

1. Scrunchies. You never know.

2. Spare roll of film. My 35mm camera is almost always with me. Just in case.

3. Emergency Splenda

4. Lucky poker chip. I don't even remember where it came from, but I've had it for years, always ritualistically putting it in the bottom of my purse before anything else goes in.

5. The stuff that was floating around at the bottom: the lock and spare key for my gym locker, 2 hair clips, and a heart necklace.

6. All 3 flavours of that Dessert Delight gum.

7. Tissues. I go though so many tissues in a day, it's frightening. This is why you might want to think twice before regularly putting drugs up your nose.

8. Lotion, for my hands because they're so dry that the skin is constantly cracking and bleeding.

9. Lipstick and lip gloss. I like to have a decent selection of colours.

10. Wipes to take the oil off my face without damaging my makeup.

11. An Alethiometer. I never leave the house without it.

12. Bottle opener I got one year in a Christmas cracker. It opens beer bottles, and there's a corkscrew that comes out for wine bottles.

13. Minty gum, and receipts for the rolls of film I need to pick up.

14. Notepad, in case I think of an idea when I don't have my second purse (the bag with the notebooks for the books I'm currently working on), and the list of Words I Like A Lot.

15. Pens. I need a lot in case one or all of them malfunction/run out of ink/vanish.

16. I have prescriptions for those.

17. Matches. You should always have a way to make fire.

18. Tootsie Pops (emergency food).

19. Vaseline, because I despise chap stick.

20. Hematite Rosary beads, and a seeing stone (obsidian). I must have those with me at all times.

21. First aid kit containing wipes, band aids, more ink (for the fountain pen), and Neosporin; and the emergency sewing kit.

22. My wallet.

23. More lotion.

24. Ciggies.

25. Burt's Bees Rescue Ointment. That stuff is friggin awesome.

26. Lighters.

27. Hairbrush.

28. Spare car key, because I am constantly locking my keys in my car. Mum keeps the third spare key.

29. Face powder.

30. Mirror.

31. Anti-bacterial stuff.

32. Phone.

33. Supply of tea: one bag contains only Lyons or Barry's (proper tea), one has green tea and spiced Indian stuff, and the third has those Celestial Seasonings teas that taste like cookies.

34. USB storage thingy. It contains all of my writing that has made it through the first stage of editing (meaning transferred from the notebooks to the computer--I never NEVER type first because computers are evil; if you read the last post then you understand. :D).

35. Visine. You know why.

36. Cleaning cloth for the glasses I never wear. They make everything HD. I'm much happier with life a bit blurry around the edges.

37. The old receipts I cleaned out of my purse. There's always at least 4.

There's usually a hunting knife in there as well, but it's being cleaned and sharpened and I forgot to put it back. There's also the pocket knife with like 100 different uses (screwdriver, toothpick, knife, scissors, bottle opener, nail file, LED light, etc., but that fell out in the car and I have yet to retrieve it from under the seat.

Proof that my hoarding has extended far beyond my bedroom.

What's in your purses? I know I'm not the only wacko that carries crazy stuff around all the time...

Smash the control machine.

Started SGD today with Oxymoron. So far so good. Ended the day at 350 rather than 400 but meh, it's close enough. Especially since I couldn't get to the gym because of the ice/snow/sleet/hail/armageddon storm that is blanketing the whole of the continental US. 

Sometimes when I partake of certain herbal sleep remedies, I end up having a little bit too much. There's a very, very fine line between Sleepy-Mich and Government-Conspiracy-Theory-Epic-Panic-Mode-Mich. 

For anyone who is prone to this kind of paranoia, never ever read this book.

Like omg PANIC. 

I don't know why we're panicking, but we're gonna panic good and proper. 

These incidents have only led to extremes a handful of times. There was one night, allegedly, in which I came home drunk and herbalized and panicked when I found Little Sis video-chatting on the computer. She left the webcam turned on even when she wasn't using the computer, and I disagreed with this because the government is watching us through our idle web cam, and listening to everything we say. 

So naturally I yanked the web cam out of the computer and ran off with it. Sis says I "hid it" somewhere so the government couldn't see anything. That was like 2 years ago and we never found the web cam. I remember none of this. 

Then there was that time in college when we hot-boxed the bunk beds in my friend's dorm room. We had run out of our own stuff, so Friend called his roommate and asked if we could have some of his. Sure, Roommate said, it's in the top drawer. 

Roommate calls back 10 minutes later and says OH MY GOD, please tell me you took some of the stuff in the bag on the LEFT side of the drawer...

We had already smoked out of the bag on the right. 

The last thing I remember is getting incredibly distraught over the fact that Friend had three televisions in his living room, so he could watch tv, watch a dvd, and play video games all at the same time. 

Friend said that he went to the bathroom and when he came back, I was gone. My roommate said she found me passed out in the closet of our bedroom with my blankets and pillows in there with me. 

This, my friends, is why no one should do angel dust. Ever. Although I do miss Philadelphia when I remember times like these. No other city does crazy like Philadelphia. 

*~*~***~*~*~*

And you have to watch Part 2. 


<3 the IT Crowd. They need to bring that show over to the States like now.