phffffffffffft

My stomach has developed some kind of problem with dairy. Seriously, Tummy--what's up with that? You and dairy used to be pals. Dairy goes so well with cereal, and tea and coffee, and it's so nice frozen. But noooooooooooo. Tummy has decided that this town isn't big enough for the both of them. And I'm the one who has to suffer.


I just chugged a ton of milk. 


o.O


I only wanted a little. I like milk. Sometimes I enjoy a nice glass of milk. But I couldn't stop. 

It attacks slowly. 

It actually works kind of like a laxative.

Except a lot faster than ex-lax, and with more of a focus on the pain and crampage than actual sh*ttage. 

My own darn fault I guess. I keep consuming dairy products even though they make my stomach feel like it got on the wrong side of a Tesla invention. 

I was born in the wrong century. (Duh.) Had I been born a little closer to the 1850's, I think I would have married Nikola Tesla (click it--it makes me really happy that there's someone out there as psychotically in awe of Tesla as I am). And it totally would have worked because Tesla was asexual. (I don't like to be touched; I don't know where you've been.) He was also completely out of his effing mind, and beyond brilliant. So brilliant in fact, he invented a machine that could zap you out of existence from 200 miles away. The only thing stopping him from blasting you from even farther away is the fact that the earth is round and not flat. 


Top that. 




And thanks, O.H. for your flattering comment a couple posts back. I am intrigued, because I cannot click on your name to find out who you are. But apparently you read my blog, so rock on. 

Why are all cats the same?