For all of you who work with the general public: ever notice that you meet the same handful of personalities over and over and over again?
At work, we only have seven different types of clients:
The Continuously Whining Manbaby
There are certain types of people you can only listen to for so long before you explode.
The Whining Manbaby is one of them. I have seen so many of these guys come through the office over the years it makes me nauseous. They're all the same--they have plenty of money, but they refuse to pay us and/or the people they owe money to (like their Destitute Ex-Wives and children, but I'll get to that), they are rude, selfish, lazy, entitled pieces of sh*t and it's enough to drive me up the freaking wall.
Someone else who needs to just shut the f*ck up?
The Raging Harpy
What's that phrase? Hell hath no fury like the woman who seriously needs to just let it go and move on?
We have two clients at the moment who owe us tens of thousands of dollars because they won't let it go. Divorces that should have ended over a year ago are being litigated to death because they can't let it go. I get it, I really do--their husbands are lying, cheating, Whining Manbabies who probably deserve it, but there comes a point in life where you cut your losses and move on instead dragging both you and your innocent children through the mud.
The Destitute Single Mother with the Deadbeat Ex-Husband
These are the non-Raging Harpy women who were once married to Whining Manbabies. They have to work three jobs to support their children because their husbands would rather go around setting up franchises with new younger women than pay child support. We do a lot of free legal work for these women and ignore their mounting bills because we know they cannot afford to pay us what they actually owe.
The Nice Guy Who Couldn't Make a Wise Decision Even if Held at Gunpoint
Guys, I really don't understand how you can't spot the psychos. I can spot these women before they even speak.
The nice guys who come into our office all have one thing in common--absolutely horrific taste in women. Women who are actively destroying their lives for no other than they are batsh*t crazy. These guys are actually decent dads who want to take care of their children, and half the time their Raging Harpy soon-to-be-ex is using the children against them, or not letting them see their children at all.
And what do these guys do when the divorce is finally over and done? They go marry another psychopath.
People Who Must Have Broken a Lot of Mirrors
We have a bunch of clients who just can't stop having bad accidents. (And they end up completely broke because health insurance companies are awful.) Car accidents, slipping and falling in supermarkets, falling down stairs, getting bitten by dogs, getting assaulted by random crazy people in public places--I don't know how they do it, but they make us quite a bit of money, so I shan't complain.
Normal People (a.k.a., Criminals)
Drug dealers, gang members, hitmen, the Russian mafia--know what they all have in common? They're extremely pleasant. The are polite, they do not complain about their bills or the job we are doing (even when they have to go to jail), they are not psychos, they are not whiners; they are just nice to be around. I wish we dealt exclusively with criminal cases, but alas there is not much serious crime in Bergen County, and frequenting the Passaic and Essex County courts has the tendency to shorten one's life span.
You know what's not a good idea? Driving past a cop going 60 miles per hour in a 25 MPH zone while on your cell phone, with ten bags of heroin on your passenger seat.
Pretending to be a realtor so you can break into people's houses and steal their identity.
CONSTANTLY driving around in a town where every single cop knows you and your car when your license is suspended.
Taking way too much angel dust and then peeing in your neighbour's garden, in full view of said neighbour.
I could go on, but you get the idea.