Horror Movie Hoedown Episode 3, plus general nonsense

 [EDIT: because of some idiot shitposting a load of comments about A MINOR'S boobs, anonymous comments have been disabled. Sorry for any annoyance this causes.]


In continuing my journey thru all the movies of that Buzzfeed post, the remaining unwatched films were either not readily available to watch, or were not free to watch, so I shan't be offering any opinion on them. Thus concludes my half arsed film review series.

Some general updates since my "hey y'all I'm not dead post" a while back:

The Bros and I went to see Wovenhand in Brooklyn.

Y'all should know at this point of my obsession with the music of Wovenhand. 

I got to say hey to DEE, and naturally acted like a bumbling buffoon. 

My friend Cyn and I went to Paducah, Kentucky at the end of September for the BBQ on the River Festival and basically did nothing but eat ribs and brisket and biscuits and gravy for a week. We also got to spend a couple days with Tempest, which was beyond amazing. A morning of Geocaching occurred, good times all round. 

Some highlights:

We drove to Kentucky, taking 2 driving days each way. Our halfway point is and will always be in West Virginia, because TUDOR'S BISCUIT WORLD.

I usually don't take photos of my food, but this is the best breakfast of biscuits and gravy you will ever have. 

We ate our way through the Festival in Paducah, KY with great enthusiasm.

one BBQ vendor of many

At our halfway stop on the way home, we made friends with this cat at the Super 8.

For Cyn's birthday, she received her very own 18th century gown. She's been wearing mine for years on Halloween, and when I saw this one gown with a peacock colour paisley design, it was just screaming her name too loudly for me not to get it for her. 

I've made some alterations to an older gown for my costume this year. Harleyquinn has discovered that panniers (the rigid underskirt necessary for Baroque fashion) make very nice beds.

I have to imagine that women in the 1700s also discovered this, and wandered about their homes with cats sleeping on their dresses. 


In other fun news, this past Saturday night, apparently my drunk ass ordered an entire pizza from the take out place next door to my apartment building, and I ate half of it. I have no memory of doing this. And it's doubly perplexing because, as most of you know, I HATE cheese. 

300 mg of seroquel in action, my friends. Pretty sure my liver is the 8th natural wonder of the world. 

Horror Movie Hoedown Episode 2

I have now watched a few more of the films from last episode's list.

Let's break down what was essentially a weekend filled with an incredible amount of disappointment. 

2. Us. I was pretty excited for this one. It had great reviews. I was riveted from the first scene, although I had to actually fast forward through the opening credits because there is only so long I can listen to bad music and stare at cages of rabbits before I can't take it anymore.*

As super fun and creepy as the movie was (also with a genuinely good laugh during the scene where one of the kids says, "Alexa call the police" to that Amazon thing, and Alexa goes, "Okay, playing "Fuck the Police."). The eventual explanation for all the scary stuff in the movie? Totally fell flat for me. 


🌟3. Hell House, LLC. I went into this with low expectations, and boy was I wrong. This movie was genuinely creepy. I actually plan to watch it again because it has a funky twist of an ending and I was not paying nearly enough attention to totally understand it. GO WATCH THIS ONE.


6. The Orphanage. This one has promise. Unfortunately it also has subtitles and I couldn't find my glasses. Ended up having to read a synopsis, and I have to say the ending is FUCKED UP.


23. The Terrifier. The caption on the Buzzfeed article for this one reads, "No exaggeration — it took me at least five tries to finish the whole movie." I am guessing that was because this is maybe one of the dumbest, dullest, half-assed attempts at horror I have ever seen. I lasted maybe 10 minutes before shutting it off.


26. The Last House on the Left. I didn't include this one last time, because I have not seen the original film. I have seen the remake, and thus have absolutely no intention of watching the original. This movie isn't scary so much as INCREDIBLY VIOLENT and also incredibly upsetting. Watch at your own risk. 


Random movie I found over the weekend that actually WAS scary:

Fractured. This is a Netflix original. Not quite horror, more like a psychological thriller and I thought it was very well done. You'll be questioning the nature of your reality for like 2 hours afterwards.














































*If I had gone to see this in theaters, I kid you not, I would have left solely based on the opening credits.