As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine.

It has been a week since the Virus Pimp was totaled. I am still stuck with a gas guzzling rental that costs me $20 a day (which idk if I'll even get that back from the insurance company). I have a deposit on a Prius, but I can't actually buy it until I get the full settlement from the insurance company. 
Scratch that, I just got a call from the insurance company AND PRAYER REALLY DOES WORK because they are giving me quite a bit more money than the car was probably worth. 

In other news....

my cat continues to harass me every morning while I'm trying to do my makeup. This is the only time she ever wants any sort of affection (naturally, when I'm in a rush to get out the door). Harleyquinn stands behind me and cries and tries to pull my pajama pants down until I give in. 

We may have successfully gotten one of our Russian mob clients divorced this week, which is fortunate, as the more the court demands additional information on his finances, the more creative we have to get. 

Wording that took us three hours, and it still sounds wildly illegal. 

I went to see Slim Cessna's Auto Club in New York last night, so that was super fun. I somehow managed to take 398 photos, so going through them and editing should take me the next 100 years. 

Slim is really really tall. 




Chris, if you're reading this, YOU DELETED YOUR BLOG AGAIN ASSHOLE STOP THAT COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK




Have a good weekend y'all!! 

R.I.P. The Virus Pimp

My friends, today was a sad day.

And also a painful and hectic and ridiculous one.

The Virus Pimp is no more.

Miraculously, I was not seriously injured. Some idiot decided to try their luck flying across a 4-lane county road without looking, and this was the result. The other person she hit went away in the ambulance. I consider myself incredibly lucky, for God carried me out of that alive and with no serious injuries. The guy that towed it could not believe I walked away mostly unharmed.

I am covered in cuts and bruises, including a hideous red mark across my neck and chest that should serve as a reminder to everyone why you should wear your seatbelt.

Photo doesn't do it justice, especially now it has embellished itself with yellow and purple bruises.

Tomorrow, I shall wake up in an absurd amount of pain. What pains me more is the boredom to follow, of being out of work for the next four days.