I don't want to do this, but it's so easy...

After my lunch-binge yesterday, I felt DISGUSTING. So I went home, did my oxy-morph, and then ran on the treadmill until I burned 1,000 calories. After my shower, I had a dinner of steamed veggies (spiced up with a little curry powder), total of 140 calories.

Then I went outside and chain smoked until I vomited.

The cigs + the oxy-morph make me yak every time, and it's just so tempting. But I really could have used the nutrients in those veggies. Why couldn't I have puked up the nastiness that I ate for lunch? No, I have to be a giant tard and puke up the healthy stuff.

So far today, I ate: scrambled eggs (140). Tummy isn't quite up for coffee, so I skipped that.

Fail.

I just binged. I went downstairs to the cafeteria with the intention of getting just a cup of tea. I had to bring a $5, because I had no singles, and I ended up getting a bagel with butter, and a muffin. And I scarfed them both down in five minutes. Now I feel DISGUSTING.

Part of me is like, feck it, now I should just go all out and eat and eat and eat until I want to die. But I must side with the other half, and resist. I can recover the day. I can stick with my plan of having a teeny portion of steamed veggies for dinner, and nothing else. And I'll just have to work out, even though I was going to give my aching joints a break for the day. All is not lost! At least I hope that if I keep telling myself that, then it will be true.