This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this.

Why are some of us afflicted with such irrational emotions over inanimate objects?

I almost had a small meltdown at work this morning, when the new scale came for the post machine. Just because of the instructions for replacing the broken scale:

 I felt bad for the broken scale. I didn't want it to be sad. I almost kept it.

There's something wrong with me.

I have acquired a new vehicle.

It's a Prius, which means it is excellent on petrol. It is also going to cost me $318 a month for the next five years, which means I am probably never going to be able to afford to move out of my mother's house, which means my rate of survival has now dropped to somewhere around 20%.

I shall henceforth spend my evenings hiding in a corner listening to my new records.

don't judge me

As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine.

It has been a week since the Virus Pimp was totaled. I am still stuck with a gas guzzling rental that costs me $20 a day (which idk if I'll even get that back from the insurance company). I have a deposit on a Prius, but I can't actually buy it until I get the full settlement from the insurance company. 
Scratch that, I just got a call from the insurance company AND PRAYER REALLY DOES WORK because they are giving me quite a bit more money than the car was probably worth. 

In other news....

my cat continues to harass me every morning while I'm trying to do my makeup. This is the only time she ever wants any sort of affection (naturally, when I'm in a rush to get out the door). Harleyquinn stands behind me and cries and tries to pull my pajama pants down until I give in. 

We may have successfully gotten one of our Russian mob clients divorced this week, which is fortunate, as the more the court demands additional information on his finances, the more creative we have to get. 

Wording that took us three hours, and it still sounds wildly illegal. 

I went to see Slim Cessna's Auto Club in New York last night, so that was super fun. I somehow managed to take 398 photos, so going through them and editing should take me the next 100 years. 

Slim is really really tall. 




Chris, if you're reading this, YOU DELETED YOUR BLOG AGAIN ASSHOLE STOP THAT COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK




Have a good weekend y'all!!