F is for Fruit

I used to get scolded for not eating my fruit as a child. My parents or nanny would serve me an apple or orange or grapes or a banana, and I would flatly refuse to eat it.

Because fruit is disgusting.

I get sensitive with certain textures in foods, and I cannot handle food that is slimy and/or mushy. Like pretty much all fruit. Believe me, I have tried conquering this with oranges (sour ones--they don't taste bad if they're sour), but the mushiness actually makes me gag, and I don't even have a gag reflex.

The only fruit I can handle is apples (sour ones), but for whatever reason, despite consuming ridiculous amounts of apple pie, if I eat more than half of an actual apple, I will vomit. My stomach just refuses to digest it.

With some fruits, I can't even stand the smell without gagging. Bananas and all types of melons cause me a lot grief. Plus aside from the smell, bananas always make me think of Granny's odd eating habits: using a fork to smash her banana into mush, then smushing like 4 tablespoons of butter in with it and eating it out of a bowl. 

Just typing that made me gag.

Pears upset me a lot, too. Like if you even think about pears near me, I may vomit. They're the worst; I can't even look at pears.

Somehow, after nearly 30 years of this behavior, I have managed NOT to get scurvy.

E is for Every M. Night Shyamamamamammaalan Film Ever

Except for the Sixth Sense; that was a good film.

Unbreakable was okay. Kind of confusing, but okay. I don't tink it had a plot, but it kept my attention. 

And then there was Signs. Seriously? Aliens that are allergic to water?? So they're genius enough to build a spaceship that can travel faster than the speed of light (for argument's sake let's say they did because there aren't any planets close enough for their ship to go any slower than that), and yet they think it's a good idea to land on a planet that is 75% FECKIN WATER.

Or The Village. I wanted monsters. I wanted real carnage. I wanted everything they advertised in the effing trailers, not the anticlimactic trash that I saw.

The Happening was just retarded.

I don't even need to explain why Devil was awful; IMDB's description more or less did it for me: "A group of people are trapped in an elevator and the Devil is mysteriously amongst them."

How the heck does he get funding?!?