I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!

Ugh.

This past weekend saw me lapsing back into bad bingeing habits. I started out doing very well--eating a little more than I would during the week, allowing myself some extra goodies like a normal person on a holiday weekend. And then began an onslaught of stressors that sent me creeping into the kitchen in the dead of night to stuff my face with cereal and ice cream and fluffer nutters. 

The main stressor was my car. 

On Saturday morning, I was leaving to go get my roots bleached. I caught a whiff of something unsavory before I had even fully opened the driver side door. 

And then once the door was opened all the way, I got hit with a truly horrific stink. 

I did a quick search, but couldn't find the source of the odor. It seemed to come from everywhere at once. Kind of like a combination of sour milk, vomit, and dead animal. 

But I was running late for my hair appointment, so I chain smoked all the way to the mall with the windows almost closed, and figured I'd just deal with it when I got home. I really had to deal it when I got home, as the car was scheduled to go in for service on Saturday afternoon. 

Once home from getting my hair done, I searched the back and under the seats, and found the culprit under the driver's seat.

A bottle of extremely old  Spiru-tein shake (which I had presumed lost--left at the gym or something as I hadn't been able to find it for like 3 weeks) had exploded, spilling almond milk and cookie & cream protein shake all over the carpet. 

And Holy Mother of God does that smell rank. 

I tried my best.

I used the Lysol wipes, paper towels, and copious amount of carpet cleaner. The smell seemed to be going away. By the time I had to leave to take the car in for service, the stink wasn't gone completely, but it wasn't as bad as before.

I apologized profusely to the service guys at Toyota. They said it was ok, that they would try and get it out of the carpet. 

Upon picking up my car several hours later, it was immediately obvious that not only had they failed, but the stink--after a couple hours out in the hot sun of the parking lot--was back with a vengeance. 

I went home. I cried about it to Kazehana. I went to the mall to get an air freshener and some Clorox. And I attacked again. 

I also continued chain smoking in the car. And spraying the stink with Clorox every few hours. It seemed to get less and less stinky on Sunday and Monday. 

But then this morning, when I was leaving for work, it stank again worse than Satan's own septic tank. 

So I give up.

Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!

You may have noticed that on the side bar, there is now a new page--I'm working on putting all my recipes up. Do any of you have recipe pages? Drop me a comment and I'll put a link to yours on mine!!! So far I've only got Dani and Olivia Lee...

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I haven't done this in a really long time, so...........

Some low-cal snack ideas!

This first one is particularly genius. I've been bringing hummus and lettuce to work for a long time, but got sick of hummus a few weeks ago. 

(I get Cedar's gluten free in either tomato or garden vegetable, because I'm the only one at home who eats it and they come in pretty small containers.)

But I got sick of it, so had the brilliant idea of getting some salsa to bring to work instead. 

'Tis a pretty awesome snack at 5 cals per tablespoon. And I started out dipping iceberg lettuce in it instead of crisps/potato chips. 

But I'm seriously so sick of lettuce I could die. And I can hardly eat crisps.

Carbs?!? No thanks. As y'all probably know by now, I try to avoid carbs at all costs. Because if I give in to just one small carby food, I will face a militaristic attack from all sides, by every carbohydrate in the house, and I can't handle it. 

Then last night I came up with this genius idea:

Hard to tell what it is in a photo--It's that rice paper broken up into potato-chip-sized pieces. Since one big sheet of the paper is only ~30ish calories, it makes a pretty good replacement for crisps. Especially since it takes a while to chew it, thus making your snack last longer. 

Moving on....

I am a beef jerky addict. These are my favs:

Bridgeford original beef jerky - 50 cals per ounce

Bridgford Turkey jerky - 70 cals per ounce

and Jack Links beef tender whatsits - 60 cal per ounce

Delicious!

And look, SAFE bread! Low cal and low carb.

Weight watchers rye - 45 cals a slice. They do other kinds as well, whole grain and multi grain and bagels and junk. 

Pepperidge Farm also makes yummy low cal bread. I made today's lunch with the Multi-Grain. I think they call those low-cal breads "Light Style," or something like that. I had two slices, toasted, and I had cut up some pickles to go on top:

I think I've mentioned these before: Dry roasted edamame is the shizzle.

The salted and the wasabi ones are 130 cals per 1/4 cup. The goji blend is 120. 

And...

Where would we be without coffee? I shudder to think. I would like to kiss the person who came up with the idea of making coffee taste like snack food. This is my newest:

Entemann's crumb-cake flavoured coffee. Amazing.

Those Keurig machines are an environmental disaster (they don't make the K-cups recyclable, so unless you're a psychopath like I am and you rip out the insides of the K-cups when you're done so you can recycle the plastic bit, they're all headed straight for the nearest landfill). But they make some delicious coffees. My favs are Green Mountain's Island Coconut, and Wild Mountain Blueberry. 

You can actually get the blueberry one in regular ground coffee. 

New England Coffee Co. also makes a nice Blueberry, like the one I got for Cinnamon. And she had me stalking their website the other day, during which time I discovered that they make some truly magical flavours. I've ordered the chocolate raspberry and maple cinnamon French toast ones to try. (Don't worry Cinna, I'll be sending you samples <3). 

On the opposite end of the subject of snacks, you would do well to avoid the following:

I figured the Walden Farms stuff wouldn't taste that amazing. I mean how can you possibly make no-calories peanut butter? But I thought it might at least be edible, so I bought a jar of the peanut butter, and a jar of the fake Fluff (had to get 2 items so I could use a coupon and get free samples of all their salad dressings and their chocolate syrup). 

OH MY GOD. 

Disgusting. Like really. I wish I had a video from the night friend and I tried it. I spat my spoonful of peanut butter out. He started gagging and nearly vomited on my couch. The Fluff and salad dressings were all similarly horrific. But the chocolate syrup actually isn't that awful, if you can handle the chalky aftertaste. 

Personally, I'd rather just have my 20-cal hot cocoa, or use cocoa powder and Splenda. It tastes much better. 

Boss actually let me out early today for the holiday weekend. I'm off to the gym now (what's new?). And bringing some homework with me to do on the elliptical:

It's almost finished and ready for Amazon!! :D Just one final edit for grammar and whatnot, and then finished typesetting once Elk is finished illustrating, and it will be ready to go. I'm so excited I can barely sit still.

Hope you all have a good start to your weekend! <3