Mugwumps have no liver and nourish themselves exclusively on sweets.

I feel like the girl in this video...




4 days of what feels like non-stop NOMming. No counting. No exercise yesterday or today (writing group yesterday, family effing dinner today). Recovery attempt number 587548394389 is sinking faster and with more casualties than the Titanic because the effort of keeping a smile on my face while feeling my hips/thighs/tummy/arms expanding is going to give me an aortic aneurysm.

I want to not eat tomorrow. Not eat Thursday. Or Friday. Snort some vitamins* and exercise until I can't feel my legs.

We shall see.

So Bipolar Auntie is here since Thursday last, and tonight we're going to visit rich family friends in Mendham. Their daughter, who is 20 years old, might be joining us. She just graduated from Johns Hopkins a year early with not one, but TWO bachelors degrees, and has just gotten a job at some giant corporate financial thing on Wall Street.

Mich (1 bachelors degree a year late) = Giant Failure at Life

These are our friends and their mammoth house.  I love her. She reminds me of Marilyn Monroe. And she's possibly the sweetest person alive, which means I can't hate them for being filthy rich, or for spawning the world's most awesome genius child.

FML. I'm gonna go get sh*tfaced now.

<3

There is always time for a nice cup of tea! Sure didn't our Lord himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world?

Shameless self promotion? Heck yes. (Scroll down. Commence squealing.)

 I feel like there is no possible way to top my last post. 

I'm house sitting again. YES, I know, what the heck am I doing after what happened last time, but I get paid for this in both money and vitamins*. And I feel bad for the doggies because if I didn't take care of them, they would be sent to a kennel. It's only for 5 days this time. I should be able to hold it together for 5 days in isolation.

Wipe those smirks off your faces. 

Bipolar Auntie arrived yesterday from England. Loud Auntie might be coming next week. I love them both to pieces, but all three of them (when you count Mum) together is dangerous. Add Anorexic Auntie, and it's like the 4 Horsewomen of the Apocalypse.

I heard Mum entertaining the idea of having Anorexic Auntie over as well this summer. I don't know if I can handle this. Anorexic and Loud are both recovering from illnesses (Anorexic from some kind of kidney problem, and Loud from a lung infection), and Mum thinks they could use a nice holiday out in the States, so they can sit by the pool and relax without their children. 

This would be lovely if all three Aunties could show up ONE AT A TIME. 

Despite their mature ages (Anorexic-52; Mum-62; Loud-65; Bipolar-71), none of them act very mature. They rampantly talk trash about each other, and use the Silent Treatment like 12-year-olds. At the moment, Loud is refusing to speak to Bipolar because Bipolar is still speaking to A-hole Uncle, who is hated by most of his other siblings (there's 8 of them altogether). Loud and Anorexic seem to be a bit cold towards each other, but 2 years ago they were bff's, and neither of them was speaking to Mum because they were making a show of excluding her (Mum and Loud used to be bff's, and then Mum and Anorexic were bff's for a while during the time Loud and Bipolar were being bff's, but then that all went to shite after some blow up and Mum and Loud were bff's again before Loud ditched Mum for Anorexic). Now they're all kind of holding each other at a distance, especially Anorexic because after Granny died, Ano looted the house and took all of the good stuff. 

I have 3 sisters as well, and am in the exact same spot in the line-up as Mum (2 older sisters, 1 younger), but we don't behave like this. Sure we got up to our fair share of nonsense as CHILDREN, but now that we're grown up, the nonsense is minimal. Elk actually got me thinking more about this. We did some pretty cruel things to each other as kids. 

Big Sis #2 and I have been at war since the time of my toddlerhood. A long and difficult war that shall never end, because we now stand at a stalemate. Basically we both got too good at my siblings' favourite game--Scaring Each Other.

When I was around 2 or 3 years old, I developed a fear of sirens, and siren-like noises. This is because every time a police car or firetruck or ambulance went past my house, Big Sis#2 would tell me that they were coming to get me and lock me up in the loony bin. This is what led to my habit of hiding in dark closets when I get frightened or stressed out. And I still have an instinctive PANIC reaction to sirens and alarms. Especially firetruck sirens--I start hyperventilating if the noise doesn't go away soon enough.

Unfortunately, because of a rather large age gap, I was never really able to retaliate or scare Big Sis#2 Properly until my mid-late teens. So what did I do instead?

What all middle children do--I took it out on my younger siblings, and frequently got in trouble for it. 

Little Sis is too easy to scare. And up until recently, she was way to easy to Hate (in a loving, sisterly way of course). Despite the fact that I would receive verbal beatings if I got caught, I made it my mission in life to traumatize Little Sis. 

You know that superstition where if you hold your breath and make a wish while driving through a tunnel, your wish will come true? Well this one time like 11 years ago, Cousin was over from Ireland and we decided to take her into the city to go sightseeing. Cousin and I were 15, Little Sis was 5. 

As we approached the Lincoln Tunnel, I proceeded to explain to Little Sis that if she did NOT hold her breath all the way through the tunnel, she would die. Cousin and Big Sis#2 backed me up, and then the three of us made a show of holding our breath (and breathing silently through our noses) all the way through the Lincoln Tunnel during pretty heavy traffic. 

If you have ever driven through the Lincoln Tunnel (1.5 miles long), then you know it would be pretty much impossible to hold your breath through the entire thing even with no traffic. Little Sis tried, but after about 30 seconds she had to start breathing again.

Cousin, Big Sis#2, and myself kept up the charade until we emerged into Manhattan. And then--in very somber and concerned voices--we lamented the fact that Little Sis was going to die now. 

It was at that point that Little Sis lost it. 

Now throughout this whole saga, Mum was in the driver's seat trying to read her badly scribbled directions to the World Trade Center (there were still Twin Towers back then), trying to aggressively navigate through the traffic, and just being agitated in general for reasons I cannot remember. She missed the whole conversation that was going on in the rest of the car--missed our telling Little Sis to hold her breath, and missed us telling her she was going to die. Once we left the Lincoln Tunnel, she heard only Little Sis' whining rapidly becoming hysterical crying.

And then Mum lost it.

That was the one and only time EVER that I got away with Scaring Little Sis. Mum shouted at Little Sis to shut up and stop crying, or she'd pull over and leave her on the side of the road (a frequent empty threat from Mum, but Little Sis wasn't old enough to know that yet). Because it was usually ME getting screamed at by Mum for Little Sis being upset (even when I had not actually made her upset), I savored that moment for a very long time.

I still savor it, actually.

Recipe time!! .....sort of.

I finally found that rice paper Jenn mentioned in her blog a while back. 

And I finally found Wasabi powder, in the same shop. :D Also a new flavour of dry roasted edamame.

Not as good as the wasabi edamame, or the salt one, but still pretty yummy.

So as I'm not in my own home, I had to make do with whatever Friends had in their kitchen to experiment with my rice paper. I used a tbsp of spinach dip, some dried cranberries, some chopped up carrots, a couple slices of turkey, lettuce, and a bit of mustard, salt, and pepper to make this:

Yeah I know it doesn't look all that appetizing, but it was pretty delicious. Better actually than the all-fresh-veggie ones I made last night after getting some vegetables at A&P.

Last night's wraps:

First I made a wasabi sauce with some lite mayonnaise (40 cals/tbsp), spicy mustard (5 cals/tsp) and wasabi powder (5 cals/tsp).

Once it's mixed, you have to cover the bowl and turn it upside down for a minute, so the wasabi can properly blow your head off.

Then I spread that on 2 rice sheets. You're supposed to soak the sheets in warm water for a bit to soften them. I actually prefer them not softened (if they sit for a while with any kind of sauce on them, they soften anyway), but unsoftened sheets tend to crack once you get to the wrapping stage.

I put shredded cabbage and carrots on both (it was a bag of coleslaw mix). Then on one sheet, I used peppers and onions:

On the other, I used broccoli, cauliflower, and snap peas:

Then I rolled them up!

I'm still figuring out flavour combos. I'll work on making it LOOK appetizing later. Altogether, one veggie wrap is about 150 calories or less, and that's only if you count the vegetables. And they're huge.

Going back on the exercise bike now. I was working out in my skivvies last night, because it's TOO BLOODY HOT. Hope you're all having a lovely Friday!

<3