My dear friend Scarlet, the secretary across the hall, was fired over the weekend. I'm really upset about it. It was over something totally stupid, too; but it would take too long to explain. I apologize if you're now weeping in disappointment that you don't get to hear a load of office drama.
So since Scarlet is now unemployed, I'm posting this link to her Associated Content page. If you love me, you will click it and check out her articles. Because she gets paid for like every 100 clicks on each article.
That site is pretty cool actually. They pay you just for more or less posting blog entries, and you earn a few dollars per so many page views.
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Last night, I was almost defeated by a moth.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen--an effing MOTH.
Not even a big moth.
Just a regular old moth.
Monday was the first day of the liquids-only >200 calories max Act of Contrition. I
was doing pretty awesome. And feeling a little lightheaded by the time I headed
up to bed at around 11.00.
I made it to my bed, practised deep breathing, and turned on
Millennium.
[On that note, it is officially Lance Henriksen Blog Week. So you better believe there shall be a post in the next day or so devoted entirely to Lance and
Millennium.]
So I was watching TV, curled into a fetal position
(head-between-your-knees-and-kiss-your-conscious-ass-goodbye kind of fetal),
and a moth lands on the screen.
Bugs with 6 or 8 legs don't really bother me. However, the
knowledge that a bug is flying around my room while I'm trying to go to sleep,
and it's too dark to see where the bug is--that bothers me. I can't relax. The
bug needs to get the eff out of my room like now.
I don't like killing bugs, though. Instead, I take them outside (or in winter, sneak them into the basement because I feel guilty banishing them to the cold).
Catching a flying bug
(especially a moth) without injuring it, in a bedroom that's an obstacle course
constructed out of my hoard, when you've only had 180 calories for the
whole day and can barely stand up = impossible.
As much as I hate admitting defeat, I recognized that
such a task was entirely beyond my capabilities at that moment.
Thankfully, I have learned from past mistakes and had emergency
food in my nightstand drawer (a single 100-calorie pack of Ritz crackers--I
only keep one food item in there at a time so I can't binge in the middle of
the night). I inhaled the 100 calorie pack like the giant pig I
felt like for consuming something solid during a liquids-only day. But it was an emergency.
I needed fuel.
I stood.
Getting to the light switch was not an option. And I was already
too far away to turn on the lamp on the nightstand. I had limited energy with
which to work; had to make it count.
I sized up the moth, and then moved in, attempting to trap the
moth in my hands. Even with the TV on, I couldn't really see something the size
of my thumbnail. When I thought I had caught it, I walked to the door as fast as
I could without blacking out. Stepped out into the hallway to release the moth
near the light (yeah there was no way I was making it all the way down the
stairs and then back up again).
But I hadn't caught the moth.
So then I was like ok I made it this far, I can make it to the
bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. (Your consciousness might be
hanging by a thread, but that's no excuse to neglect your personal hygiene.) I
made it to the bathroom, took roughly 25 minutes to brush my teeth and wash my
face, and then on the way back, I turned on the light so I could have an easier
time finding the moth.
The buggery bollocky moth was gone. >:(
Now what? My energy stores were pretty much empty by then. Do I
go back and turn the light off, and risk having to to the whole thing over again
if the moth reappeared on the TV screen? Or do I leave the light on and hunt
the moth down until I'm certain it is no longer in my bedroom?
Cue heart palpitations.
I turned the light off. Grabbed the hairspray on my way back
into bed. If the moth came back and I was unable to remove it from my bedroom,
then it would have to die. Or at least get stunned with a blast of
Aqua-Net.
I settled down in my bed. Watched some Millennium. Tried to
sleep. Failed. Took another sleeping pill. Typed this, and caught up on
some of your blogs.
I start eating again tomorrow. Planned it all out and got everything ready: pre-measured almonds, roasted edamame things with wasabi
 |
| (Really delicious.) |
and some roast beef slices, a few pieces of beef jerky, and lettuce and hummus.
I'm not really ready for serious carbs yet. I'll work on that for the end of the week.
