Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sunday Morning Coming Down...


Thank you WannaBSkinny, Lauren, Emry, Shanstaa, Dorian, Fat Bastard, Lilah, Tracy, Olivia, and Bonesarepure for the lovely comments!

I would love to try the tapeworm diet, but unfortunately my epic fear of worms might be problematic. I don't want any kind of worms coming within 100 meters of my person, never mind having one taking up residence in my digestive system... ::shudders::

If McDonald's has My Little Ponies in their happy meals, I may have to abduct a child and take it there, and get the child a happy meal before I return it to its frantic parents. The poor child shall be scarred for life--kidnapped, force fed McDonald's, and then it can't even keep the happy meal toy. That's so evil! :D

Those new McD's smoothies actually look pretty tasty, and the wild berry one has 210 cals for a small.

Kind of a lot for a drink, but it's still fruit, right? And everyone knows I don't eat enough fruit because I hate it. How I've managed to live this long and not get scurvy is beyond me...

The Master Cleanse has been pushed back yet again. I've got my supplies ready--additive-free lemonade, 100% pure maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and non-iodized sea salt for flushing. The older sis and neice are coming over today for dinner, so I am expected to eat with the rest of the family. I shall kick off the MC tomorrow morning, and start with a salt water flush.

So I met a BOY on Friday, and then hung out with him again last night (Saturday) at the pub. He's kinda cute (I was sober on Friday when I met him, so I know it wasn't the drink making him attractive). He seems fairly intelligent and mildly amusing. We went to the same high school, I found out, but he was 2 years older. Apparently he remembers me. I found that somewhat of a dubious comment, as in high school I weighed 35 pounds more than I do now, was probably an inch or two shorter, had hair ranging from mouse brown to Jessica Rabbit red (depending on my mood), and wore lots of black eyeliner, mini skirts, and fishnets.

Me at 15:


I wonder if I should warn him in advance that I'm not so good with "relationships." I tend to play with boys until I get bored, and then I simply vanish from their lives forever. No warning. No "I wanna break up." Just a total cease in communication. Cruel? Perhaps. Cold hearted? Most definitely. But that's just how I roll. It makes me more interesting.

And we all know I'm pretty darn interesting.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Atlantic City!!



Just arrived home after a 2 1/2 hour drive. Thankfully the only traffic I hit was just outside the Oranges. Everyone slowed down to gawk at cops pulling someone over ON THE OVERPASS. Not even on the actual highway.

Here I am, making myself gorgeous before leaving the house:

Some trip highlights:

- # of miles per hour I was traveling immediately before getting pulled over = 92 (bathroom emergency)
Cop: "You know why I pulled you over?"

Me: ::legs crossed:: "I have to pee so friggin bad IT HURTS!"

Cop: "Why didn't you stop at the rest stop a few miles back?"

Me: ::evil glare:: "I didn't have to pee then."

Cop: ::blank stare::

Me: "I'm seriously about to wet myself. And I WILL pee on your car."

Cop: ::tries to keep a straight face; fails:: "All right. I''ll let you off with a warning. Slow down."

- # cats smuggled into the hotel room = 2
Aren't they the cutest?? I named them Luke and Leia.

- # of dollars lost gambling = $10

- # of conversations with hot surfers = 2

- # of conversations with hot southerners = 1 (30 seconds after meeting Chad, he asked, "Y'all wanna get high?" I declined, but sat on the beach with him for 1 hour.

Here I am on the beach, looking fabulous:

- # of orifices filled with sand = all of them

- # fatalities at the amusement park = 0, which can only be attributed to the grace of God. That thing is mad sketchy:

- # of tattoo compliments = 7 (3 for Harley Quinn, 4 for the owl)

- # "Anyone ever tell you that you look like Lady Gaga?" = 9

- Weight upon arriving home = 101 lbs. Woohoo!