Madness.

Down in the cafeteria in my office building, there is sometimes a stack of these super delicious little squares of coffee cake. They’re pretty big pieces, and the whole piece is 250 calories. That’s a ton all at once, but if I eat that and have nothing for dinner, that’ll only be 420 calories for the day after breakfast and coffee. However, after my work out, I will want a little something to eat. I can probably have one of the really low-cal lean cuisines and still be in negative nubmers for the day, but I still feel like a fat ass.

But I really want that cake.

There is now an epic battle going on in my brain. I have armed the Thin side with 4 Sudafed, and new flavored tea in my purse, ready for my tea break later. But the Fat side wants that bloody cake, and when I go down to the caf for my tea, the Fat side will spot the stack of coffee cake, and will begin an onslaught of Hunger that Thin will have to fight with all of her strength. Thin shall have to be extra-strong.

I really have to weigh the consequences, as well. Sure when I’m in the process of eating the cake, I get happy. Afterwards, though, I ALWAYS feel sick. Probably a combo of the fact that I just scarfed down a nice big square of pure cellulite, and also that the cake is so sweet (I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, in general – I’m more of a carnivore). I try to keep that in mind, but for some reason my brain likes to ignore the fact that the cake makes me nauseous for hours, and I still want more. To me, this is a sign that humans are not evolving. At least not as far as brainpower goes.

You want to be THIN, darnit! NO CAKE!!!

So far today, I ate: cereal (160), coffee (10).

Crikey, I'm bored!

I think about food most when I'm bored. And today, I am super bored. Praise be to God I didn't bring any money to work, just $1 for my afternoon tea (which is ridiculous, because I bring my own bollocky teabags and don't use milk, so basically the Italian down in the cafeteria is charging me a dollar for a paper cup and some hot water).

Perhaps I just think this now because I'm young and thin and gorgeous (and oh so modest!!), but I'm kind of excited about getting old. I figure, once I'm past the point of stopping men dead in their tracks with my looks, then I can just go, 'feck it, I'm eating whatever the heck I want.' I'll be old and wrinkly anyway, so who cares if I pack on a few extra pounds? And I have noticed that heavier women tend to look younger longer. Look at the actress Fionnula Flanagan --->

She's 70, and I think she still looks fabulous. And Paula Deen, who is almost 70 as well. She looks great!

So the way I see it, once I hit that age, it will be like retirement from starvation. Instead of retiring from a job and going golfing every day and then going to Florida to die, I'll retire from Ana and eat lots and lots every day, and cook and bake myself silly.

So far today, I ate: 1 bowl cereal (160; we only had Special K, and I forgot to check the label before I ate it, or I would have had less), coffee (10).