Keep dreaming.

There's a funny side effect of starvation that they don't really tell you about in books, or in those Lifetime movies about troubled teens: not eating makes you have dreams about eating.

They start slowly. Last night, for example, as I was just getting into a deep sleep I had a dream that someone offered me a delicious chocolate mousse cake. They had a huge piece of it cut for me on a paper plate, and they took a chunk of it with a plastic fork and held it up to my mouth. I woke up trying to take a big bite out of thin air, and it hurt my teeth.

They get worse as my weight gets better. I think the most ridiculous one I ever had was last summer. I was on some beach resort that had a boardwalk lined with tons of really amazing restaurants. Since I was really hungry, I went down the boardwalk and stopped in each restaurant, and the staff brought me piles and piles of delicious foods: hamburgers, crab cakes, lobster ravioli, risotto, greasy fish & chips, baked potatoes swimming in butter, undercooked brownies.... you get the idea. So I stuffed my face in every single restaurant, and then at some point I thought, "OH MY GOD, I'VE JUST EATEN LIKE 10,000 CALORIES!!!" I panicked, kicked off my high heels, and sprinted off down the beach. I refused to stop running until I had burned off every last ounce of fat. I woke up covered in a cold sweat, and did not consume anything other than Diet Pepsi for 2 days.

So far today, I ate: 1 bowl cereal measured (160), 1 cup coffee with half & half (20).

Am I psychotic?

I've always been the way I am, at least for as long as I can remember. My mummy remembers longer, and says I was strange even as a toddler. Antisocial and abnormal. She's used to it now, and I think that might be why she turns a blind eye to me not eating. She definitely knows what I'm doing, because she's done it herself and one of her sisters is 80 pounds with rapidly deteriorating kidneys.

The thing is, I really don't care if I'm a psycho, or if anyone thinks I am. I actually don't care about that much at all about anything, except for myself. I know I'm fantastic. And I really don't care about your feelings. I'll totally talk to you if you need a shoulder to cry on, but you're going to have to wait until Lost is over.

Today, I ate: 1 bowl cereal measured (160), 1 cup coffee with half & half (15), 1 South Beach fiber bar (110), 1 salad (260), for a Total of 545. With exercise, I burned off about 350, so that makes a daily total of 195.