It's been over six months since I vanished without explanation. I'll probably do that again in the near future, but for the moment, I have returned. Idk if anyone is still out there reading at this point. It's been that kind of year.
2021 got off to an interesting start. I spent a week in January confined to a psych ward following a suicide attempt, and am still under constant supervision. M has been living with me since they let me out of the Home for the Bewildered and miraculously, I have not attempted to kill him yet. It has actually been kind of nice having someone staying with me. I'm also on all new medications and am no longer suicidal. My family is monitoring my every move, and you never knew how many good friends you have until you almost died.
Bossman's wild weekends with his various girlfriends finally landed him bedridden with Covid-19. Even if the social worker had not ordered me to ease slowly back into full time employment, I would probably be working part time because there is NOTHIIIIINNNNNGG to do at the office.
Baby Yoda has somehow amassed nearly 500 followers on Instagram.
Am I officially an influenzaer now?
This is still a weird time for me. It feels like it will take a long time to feel normal, like a person again. Big Sis#2 still wakes up in the middle of the night screaming because she was the one who found me in a pool of blood in my living room. That's my fault. I did that to her. I traumatized her. I will never not feel horrible about that. I will never not feel horrible about making my mothers and father cry. About giving my siblings the fright of a lifetime.
My cats are treating me like the worthless minimum wage employee I am (as far as they're concerned) for leaving them alone with M and the combined forces of StepMom and Mum for a week.
Until next time, when I may or may not explain how a mothertrucking CAT was basically the start and end of the above events.
Here's to hoping you continue the turn-around. To quote the good doctor (Lechter), "The world is a more interesting place with you in it."
ReplyDeleteBe well!
It is good to "read" you....and hope you continue to find yourself in a place that is easier to deal with.
ReplyDeleteHey there. Glad you're here. xx
ReplyDeleteGlad you were able to get help and on a new medication regiment. I hope it works out for you.
ReplyDeleteHope things improve wiith the neew medication
ReplyDeleteHi. I'm here and reading. I started a new antidepressant in October. It's changed my life in a good way. I don't know how long it will be effective, but when this one stops working, then perhaps something else will help.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
oh god Mich no :( I'm always looking for a new post but didn't think this would be what i found when you finally updated :/ I'm one of the followers on Instagram and you did seem content on there so i was not worried. truly sorry to have been wrong :( i know I'm nobody and i swear I'm not trying to boss you around or make you do/not do anything, but i need to say the world is more interesting and fun with you in it. that's all.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're still here. Sorry to hear you've had a hard time of it. Take care.
ReplyDeleteMy Youngest son is struggling as well. In his second week of college he too attempted to kill himself. I feel it was his last ditch cry for help, on a medication that he should have never been put on, he has since dropped from school, been properly medicated, and is struggling to figure out who he is now.
ReplyDeleteCOVID has not helped. It magnified all that he never wanted to become, and sadly now that has it's nasty claws in him. Not unlike his father when he was young... he took his own life at 39. Not sure if you'll write again, or if it will be of cheerier things, but know that there are people out there reading, even if theya re new to the neighborhood. (((HUGS)))
Big sis #2 could’ve had a far worse experience: finding you in a pool of blood and you already dead. You can’t change what’s done but you can choose not to give someone the experience again. Even so, I don’t want you still here with us out of guilt, I want existence to feel worthwhile. I’m glad that seems like at least a sorta-possibility. - Tempest
ReplyDeleteThinking of you...
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I think between us we can write a book: "Surviving life and narcissists!" I'm glad you're still with us. I love you, you're a good hoomin.
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