Not much
of a fun mishmash this Monday, I'm afraid. Too many angry and upset and
depressed feels.
I had an
amazing weekend. Drummerboy and I went for nice long walks both Saturday and
Sunday. We had dinner Saturday night and went to see some live music. Later Sunday
afternoon, we watched one of my all time favourite movies (Stardust).
When I
left Dad's to drive down to see a friend for her birthday so me and M. could
take her to dinner, I was in such a happy place I was singing opera in the car.
And then
my f***ing mother ruined it.
Since I
usually return to hell Bergen County in the late afternoon, I texted Mumsy
to let her know I would be home later than usual, because we were taking Mel out to dinner for her birthday. The following bullshit ensued:
After she
accused me of lying, I got too flustered to type, so I pulled over and called
her. I was also too flustered to even form coherent sentences. I tried to
explain that I was really confused as to why she needed me to call and tell her
I was coming home a little later than usual, which is when she denied ever
receiving the text message informing her of same.
Then she started yelling and
said I'm taking advantage of her, she will not be watching my cats on the
weekend anymore, and then she hung up on me, leaving me kind of stunned for a
few moments before I started crying hysterically.
I know I'm
asking a lot for her to feed my cats on the weekends (I think? I personally
don't think opening a couple tins of cat food twice a day is a lot, but
okay....).
I also ask
her EVERY SINGLE FRIDAY if she is absolutely sure she doesn't mind feeding my
cats for the weekend, and thank her profusely for looking after them, and try to insist that she tell
me if there is ever a weekend she doesn't feel like doing it.
If she
refuses to take care of Harley and Ivy, I can't spend the weekends at dad's.
Dad is allergic to cats, so I can't bring them (plus I think it would stress
the kitties out a lot more if they're being carted from one house to another
twice a week).
This means
I can't play in the band at church anymore, which is one of the only two things
currently keeping me from shooting myself in the f**king face. (The other thing
being Drummerboy, who also lives up there and who I'd have to see much less if
I can't stay overnight at dad's Friday to Sunday.)
So poor
Mel and M. had to deal with me being a soggy weepy mess in the middle of
the restaurant when we were supposed to be celebrating Mel's birthday.
I need to
get out of my mother's house. Like now. This leaves me with one option as far
as finding an apartment I can afford, and finding one fast.
Newburgh.
 |
| Newburgh, NY, the Murder Capital of New York State. |
I'm going to
see a few apartments this coming weekend. Hopefully I won't get shot.
Moms are crazy!! Omg, my mom still expects me to call her and let her know where I am and I'm married and shit! LMAO.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I will say is, the older you get, the less it annoys you. Mom still annoys me, but I can't imagine a life without her.
Sending you a big hug!
PS 31, you are still a baby!! Ahhh I am so old.
My Mom came for a visit when I lived in CH. I was finishing up putting on mascara before a city excursion and she'd come in to check on me.
ReplyDelete'Don't forget the other lashes', she said before walking away. I HAD done the other lashes. I don't know why, but that comment fucked me up for a good hour or so.
Also, good luck with flat-hunting!
DeleteI LOVE Stardust! Such a brilliant movie. DeNiro dancing in drag never fails to make me smile.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the mother dramas. Seriously, feeding cats on the weekend is not that big an ask. Is there anyone you could stay with while you try to find a new place? It sounds toxic to be living with her.
Take care <3
xxxx
You have often talked about your issues. I think I see the why of it.
ReplyDeletePlease believe this isn't about you, it's the drama she plays in her own mind. Do anything and everything she says, you'll never make someone like that happy. There are people out there that feel better if someone else falls into bad fortune. Most of us are able to shake it off and say, "Self, you can be a dick sometimes." Other people wallow in it. My Dad was like that when drunk. Sober, he was a great guy. I cannot understand how people like that can stand themselves. And when I do it, well, I have self-loathing "just to the edge of unproductivty" down pretty good.
You have people around you that see your value. Listen to them, and get away from her.
I adored Stardust. Sorry your mom was being...your mom.
ReplyDeleteI hate when my kids call, they only call when there is a problem and they talk for hours and I am not a phone person. I am happy with just a text.
ReplyDeleteI've moved back in with my parents a couple of times. It is hell. They treat you like you're still a teenager, because only teenagers live at home, right? I was 32 when I finally moved out for what I hope was the last time. Sometimes the Newburghs of this world is the better choice. Good luck, and don't get shot, please.
ReplyDeleteToxicity (did I spell that correctly?) is never a good thing.
ReplyDeleteAdd to that, you live in Jersey ('course, I live forty-five minutes from Philly, so I'm a fine one to talk).
To quote Monty Python...run away.
Yes, Monty Pyton, "Run Away!
DeleteYou and the furbabies should take my spare room. I mean, what's an 11 hour commute to shooting yourself in the face? I will feed them on the weekends.
ReplyDeleteAlso, oh my frack, your mother. Don't get me wrong, my mom is a world-class fuckup, but she is not dishonest and she is not intentionally manipulative, so living with a person like that is right up there in "cannot fathom" for me.
ReplyDeleteI hate that, when I get so upset by something a family member does that I can't function. At least you could pull over and it didn't happen face to face!
ReplyDeleteHey Dear Mich, I'm so sorry your mom was so mean. My mom could be just like that, even when I was the one taking care of her, when I left my fam and everything. I am so happy you and Drummerboy had fun, you deserve to have such joy in life.
DeleteI n e v e r have good dreams about my mom or my sis and her family....hum.....I wonder why.....?
Please be nice to you!
Last night I dreamed, nightmare, we were fighting about religion....again....sigh.
Delete"Too many angry and upset and depressed feels." WHO HURT MY MICH
ReplyDelete"When I left Dad's to drive down to see a friend for her birthday so me and M. could take her to dinner, I was in such a happy place I was singing opera in the car." oh no. i can feel the drama coming.
"i think i deserve the courtesy of a call." ???
wait, you're thirty-one years old? why does she expect you to tell her where you're going? wtf.
fuck. i'm so sorry. gosh, Mumsy needs a good knock in the head sometimes, doesn't she? i think that all mums have this innate drive to somehow ruin things for you for no real reason. i don't know. like she blew something small way out of proportion.
i honestly think that she's said that to hurt you and that she doesn't really mean that she won't take care of them, you know? that's my thoughts about it. breathe, love. it'll be okay. you can always talk to her after.
"So poor Mel and M. had to deal with me being a soggy weepy mess in the middle of the restaurant when we were supposed to be celebrating Mel's birthday." that is not your fault by the way. don't feel guilty for it. you can't help what you feel when you feel.
good luck on the apartment hunt.
do not get shot. i do not have a medical licence yet and i cannot treat you.
-Sam Lupin
comment reply:
ReplyDeleteBLEBS? oh my God. i have a theory on how it started: a science nerd that was feeling contempt because he liked one of them started the nickname and everyone started to use it afterwards.
that's my number one theory.
-Sam Lupin
oh Mich - so sorry to read this. Good luck with the apartment hunting!
ReplyDeleteYeah let's hope for not getting shot and mothers calming down. I really have no clue what sparked that off with her. Hopefully it's not an underlying issue and you can get it sorted without much trouble.
ReplyDelete