Why does anyone gamble? Because they believe they are sure of the outcome.

My pretend boyfriend, Bersercules illustrated a children's book. 

.....oops, wrong picture...

(⌒▽⌒)

It's a really lovely little book, the kind of children's book that rhymes, which means it's fantastic. The cyclopean octopus was my favourite. 

My Boss got a dog:

His name is Slade (so I've been calling him Brian; if you know why, you RULE), and he's a 6-year-old greyhound, rescued from the races. He's really lovely--doesn't bark or jump or slobber, and doesn't pull on the lead when you're walking him. Boss brings him into the office to hang out, and Slade spends that time sprawled out on the floor (his bed is only big enough for half of him when he sprawls...) and terrifying the clients who are afraid of dogs.

I obviously can see why someone might be afraid of dogs, but I nevertheless find it hilarious when people flip out and act terrified in front of extremely mellow dogs. Like the daughter of our one client--they came in 40 minutes early (otherwise, Boss would have taken Brian Slade home because we had a bunch of people coming in that day) and the daughter FLIPPED. Like took one look at Slade, screamed, ran out of the office, and slammed the door behind her. Slade did not budge.

Kind of like when my asshole-in-law was freaking out because my niece (his daughter) was playing on the floor with my cousin's pitbull.

KILLING MACHINES.

-__________-

Yeah so Brian Slade is very nice.

Except yesterday the vet called to inform Boss that Slade has hookworms.

I'm pretty sure everyone gets at least a little skeeved out by the idea of intestinal worms. But me? No. "Skeeved out" doesn't even begin to skim the surface.

I have a worm phobia (use that against me and you willpay, I promise). Like it's pretty bad. Snakes? Spiders? Scorpions? Rodents? Not a problem. I'll go as far as to pick them up and cuddle them. (not kidding--I am apparently the go-to person in the family for removing snakes from buildings because I'll just pick them up and take them outside {I know what the poisonous ones look like; we only get two}; same with spiders and bugs). I'm actually quite fond of snakes and spiders in particular. But bring a f**king worm near me and I'll stab you in each of your major organs in alphabetical order. With a blunt object.

So yeah the idea of worms that LIVE INSIDE YOUR BODY freaks me the eff out. I started manifesting symptoms of hookworms the second that Boss told me the dog had them.

I've had this phobia a while. Actually since so early in childhood that I cannot remember a time that I was ever NOT afraid of worms. My Bipolar Auntie and one cousin have the exact same phobia as well (complete with the projectile vomiting), which I find kind of interesting. However, I don't think their phobias have led them to the same extremes.

This one time, in high school, a bunch of friends and I did a bunch of acid.

(Actually there were quite a few times....)

So this one time, when I was like 15 (I think? I can't remember exactly, which makes me feel either old or brain-addled as a result of substance abuse; it might have been 14), at this kid Sara's house (her parents were never home), a group of us did acid.

The thing about hallucinogens is that they don't necessarily make you hallucinate. I have seen and heard unreal things while doing hallucinogens, but most of the time they just made me think in a very different way. Almost like dream-logic, but while fully awake. The way it alters your thinking, you can [usually] deal with the visuals when you get them...

...it's the REAL stuff you can't handle.

Like the possibility of intestinal parasites.

I'm not sure why, but for some reason on that day at Sara's, I became absolutely certain that I had worms. And obviously, I had to get rid of them immediately.

I tried to explain this to my friend Kat. Somehow, I managed to convince her that she also had worms. And then both of us had a panic attack.

Sara lived close enough to the centre of Nyack that Kat and I could walk there. We pretty much ran to the pharmacy on the main street, and went straight to the pet section. We had discussed the plan on the way--obviously, getting to our parents and then getting a doctor's appointment would take far too long. And these were the days before the internet, so it's not like we could look up home remedies on the computer. No, if we wanted to get rid of the worms, we would have to think of something fast ourselves.

So I suggested de-worming tablets. The kind you get for dogs. If they're safe for dogs, they should be safe for humans, right? So we legged it to the pharmacy and chose a box of de-worming tablets from among the limited selection, figuring it would be safest to go with the ones for medium sized dogs rather than large dogs. At least for the first dose.

We got a bottle of water as well, and took the de-worming tablets the second we were out the door of the shop.

Those things'll really do a number on your digestive system.

I'm debating whether I should do that again (I've de-wormed myself like 3 times since that incident...) or go to the doctor and get a proper prescription......

Loud and Anorexic Aunties are here, and I'm getting fat as a fool between all the Irish candy they brought and all the eating out. T.T I took a day off work to hang out with them, so we're off on a nice long hike now. At least I'll be getting some exercise!

Hope y'all have a fabulous weekend!! ♥