Saturday, January 21, 2012

I know what people like you get up to, and I think it's DISGUSTING.

I'm sorry to all of you whose blogs were once linked on the side, in my blog roll. Blogger is being a turd and wouldn't let me update it, and when I tried re-installing that widget it just went away forever instead. I have complained multiple times to Blogger about this problem, but SURPRISE SURPRISE they're doing nothing about it. :*(

I finally got around to answering Kazehana's questions!

1. Your first car: What was it's name, color, make and model and what's one good story about something ridiculous that happened in it? (e.g. my first car was named Pablo, burgundy '78 vw bug. once swerved up a hill and ran over a neighbor's lawn while driving high in a hail storm.)

My first car was just The Jeep. I think I've already relived most of what happened to that car. The Devil's Tower story is probably the best. 
...but what my friends and I got up to in The Jeep is probably a fun tale unto itself. 

My first two years in high school, I had a lot of older friends--mostly people I had met through a long chain of other people, like friends of friends of friends of friends. I did A LOT of partying. Sex and drugs and rock and roll to excess. But then after my sophomore year, a huge chunk of that group of friends went off to college, and the rest of the group scattered. I started a new school in the autumn for junior year (because I was SO DONE with Catholic school). I knew people at the public school already, so I fell into a new group of friends pretty quick.

But none of them did drugs. Or partied like the world was about to end. Or did anything, really. 
(This was a good thing, as by the end of sophomore year I was probably very near to needing an extended stay in the loony bin.) 

Mum had also cottoned on to some of my more brilliant tactics (like telling her I was sleeping at a friend's house and having that friend's older siblings pretend to be their parents and tell mum over the phone that I was welcome to stay there the entire weekend), and so she curtailed my already limited freedom quite a bit. 

On top of all that, I live in THE MOST BORING SPOT ON THE PLANET. And my friends and I had absolutely feckall in common with the other kids in the area. 

So what's a group of 16/17 year olds to do on a weekend when we had no money, no drugs, and nothing remotely exciting within reasonable driving distance?

We drove around the most populated town centers and screamed SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT and WHOOOOOOOOORE at all the annoying Typical Bergen County kids. Sometimes we told younger kids to kill their parents, Marilyn Manson style. Sometimes we told the asshole I'm-so-cool-because-my-parents-are-super-rich types to go back to Mexico. We told scantily clad 14-year-olds to put some clothes on. This activity evolved over time, gaining new phrases and in some cases, noisemakers. Like the vintage car horn that came off one friend's great-grandmother's car in the 20's. Or the Crimson Hooter (don't ask). Or the jam band with the Crimson Hooter, a harmonica, and a kazoo. 

You don't need drugs when 4 out of 6 people in the clique are out of their f**king minds. 

2. Who was your first best friend and how did you get rid of them (or if you got dumped, how did they give you the shaft)? I'm talking grade school, people...I want the playground dirt.

I have wracked my brain over this question for like 2 weeks. 

I didn't really have friends in grade school. I hated everyone. Up until around age 7, in my town you were friends with the children of your nanny's friends. I do have a good story for that... 

My nanny was friends with this nice other nanny named Yvonne. Nanny and Yvonne were from around the same part of Jamaica, and so they liked to chat and hang out maybe once a week, which was pretty easy when I was 5 and only in school for half a day. Yvonne's charge was the same age as I was, and also in half-day kindergarten (except David was in the public school). 

David's family was filthy f**king rich. FILTHY. I wish google had caught up to them, because I'd love to show y'all a photo of their house. It takes up their whole side of the street. And it's their second house on that spot--sometime in the 90's, they apparently got bored of their house, so they knocked it down and built a new one. 

Now as you can probably imagine, David was a wimpy, whiney spoiled brat. I hated that child with a passion very unbecoming of a 5-year-old girl in frilly pink dresses who was extremely small for her age. The fact that I still remember this so vividly proves just how much I despised him. 

David loooooooved to show off his masses of the most expensive, most awesome toys ever. Even more than that, he loved snatching them away the moment you saw them, and proudly declaring that they were HIS toys and you were NOT allowed to touch them. 

Yeah well I had enough of that sort of thing in like 2 minutes. I remember being outside by myself a lot at his house, playing on his amazing swingset. I had a strong dislike for most other children, so I was quite happy playing outside by myself. 

But then one day, for some reason, I really wanted to be inside playing with his toys. Of course, peasant that I was, I was *not allowed*. 

L O L.

Employing my skills in cunning and trickery, I somehow managed to get little David out of his playroom (this thing was about 3 times the size of my bedroom, filled with every toy you could think of, and was generally every small child's greatest fantasy). And then little Mich shut the door, and locked it from the inside. 

And I had my way with David's toys while he kicked and screamed outside the door. I gleefully shouted through the closed door that I was touching ALL of his toys, and there was feckall who could do about it. HA!

Nanny didn't take me to David's house after that. 

I never really went in for the whole "best friend" thing. Honestly, I don't think I had anything resembling a proper bff until I met M in high school. I've always been more of a lone wolf. :D

3. Once upon a time there was a world with no television; if you lived then, what the fuck would you have done to entertain yourself instead of hanging out in front of the tube?

I don't watch much television now, to tell the truth. I'd probably do much of what I do normally--read, take lovely walks outside, write. I'd probably either sing or play music (in my head this world is the 18th century) since well-to-do ladies were expected to be learned in singing and playing something like the harpsichord. I would enjoy fashion much more than I do now.
delicious painting by Jean François de Troy

I would have tea parties with my lady friends, and spend lots more time bird watching. And I would probably go to bed early. 

4. What's the most vivid dream you've had in the past week?

I dreamt I could take off my spider tattoo and it would come alive and be my buddy and hang out on my shoulder. And then when I had to hide him, he would go back to being a tattoo. 

5. A Wookie, a Jawa and an Ewok steal a TIE fighter. Where the hell are they going?!

They're part of a massive intergalactic drug ring, and the Empire is starting to crack down on their manufacture of celestial meth. The lab they were using on Tatooine was raided by storm troopers, and they accidentally blew up the lab on Endor, so they decided a mobile lab would be best, hence the stealing of a TIE fighter, because who the heck would expect a floating meth lab hiding in a TIE fighter?

6. Revenge or PRE-venge?

Both. Need to keep all your bases covered. 

I am snowed in! :D 
...but the mf snow has stopped already. So much for the blizzard that was meant to last until this evening. 


  1. that story about David's toys had me cacklinng like an evil witch, that was brilliant! you were brilliant from birth it seems :) <3!!

  2. and yes, blogger is a brat. a PMSing brat. so effing temperamental!

  3. Awesome answers as always Mich, I love these questions that were proposed to you as well, especially the Tie Fighter one, I wish I'd been that inventive haha! I've heard of prevenge recently, it sounds good to me haha!


    I remember every single one of those toys. Is it just me, or do kids' toys nowadays majorly suck?
    I would have locked him out of that room too if he had a toy Ferrari.

  5. Argh! LOVE YOU. lol

    Listen. That story about driving around like a bunch of hoodlums reminded me of how when I was 13 or so, me and my BFF would drink her parent's vodka, then roam her neighborhood with her brother and his friends and eventually make our way over to the King Soopers that was open 24hrs...and then we'd hit the book aisle and read the sex scenes in romance novels out loud/act them out with stuffed animals. We somehow discovered that in almost every romance novel, there's a sex scene ON THE SAME PAGE. All you had to was grab one, flip to that page and start reading. OMG. Hilarity. And then we'd go to the meat section and poke our fingers in all the saran wrap packages of meat.

    Later in high school and cars were involved, we'd do awful shit to each other like drive around in the middle of the night to each other's houses and put sour cream in the vents, or draw chalk outlines of dead bodies in the driveway and splatter them with ketchup. You and me would have been SUCH besties if we had been teens in the same place at the same time. lol the TIE fighter meth lab is PERFECT. I hate/love/hate that you used Drewbacca in the picture. lofl fuck! HE SO WOULD BE A METH LAB CHEMIST!

    Someone else I tagged came up with the phrase 'reprevenge' to describe preemptively destroying enemies to prevent them from taking revenge on you for the revenge you'd have to take on them. or something. lol YES!

    Ugh...make May come soooooooner!

  6. OKay... blog posts such as this are welcomed heartily by the newbie. It's amazing how much I learned about you in one fell swoop!

    See you in the playroom!

    xoxoxo, cd

  7. Bloody brilliant, M.! One of my favourite scenes from Withnail and I - Withnail hangs out the beat-up Jag. and screams at a bunch of schoolgirls: "Scrubbers!" To which they reply: "Up yours, Grandad!" Priceless! I love how you dealt with David! Only you! :)

  8. Love, love, love this! The things i c o u l d have been doing in HS insead of being a good little girl terrified of her mother. (i would get in trouble for such things as falling asleep on the couch...WTF....?????). The pictures are brilliant! Is that a "Chubbles" in the playroom? We had a Chubbles once. Where, oh where did it go? :(

    xoxo, tracy

  9. So got back from my trip and have been catching up on all your is the whole m situation coming?


  10. That was absolutely brilliant!

    Can you send a bit of the precipitation here? It's going to be a candlelit winter if we don't get more inches in the Hydro Lakes >.<

    Hmmm, are 18thc gowns warm?

    Take care when you have to go out <3

  11. Your print, "Sail in the Storm", will be shipped today. Hope you love it!

    xoxoxo, cd

  12. Sounds like you had an awesome childhood! When you said you yelled out slut! at girls while driving by, it reminded me when I use to move furniture for a living and when me and my coworkers would be driving somewhere, I'd often yell out at hot girls!

    I think yelling obsenitys at girls is one of the true joys in life!


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.