It's too late. It was already in the glass, not in the jar.

All the apple pie recipes (the beverage, not the dessert)  found on the internet involve cider, apple juice, and a ton of brown sugar. This is a disgrace. So before apple cider season comes to an end in the supermarket, I have decided to share my apple pie recipe. 

BECAUSE IT IS GLORIOUS. 

The following is the recipe for ~2 mason jars' worth of apple pie.

You will need:
- 4 cups apple cider
- 2 cinnamon sticks
- ground spices, specifically cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, cloves, and ginger
- 1/4 tsp vanilla
- moonshine, or if you do not know anyone who makes moonshine, a bottle of Everclear will do (grain alcohol, 190 proof). Depending on your tolerance, you'll need 1/4 cup to 1 cup. I shall elaborate on this below. 

To make it:

- In a saucepan, heat the apple cider with the cinnamon sticks, vanilla, and the spices. I don't measure anything; I just eyeball it. You'll find your own preferences with trial and error. I use about 1/4 tsp of cinnamon and allspice, and then a pinch of nutmeg, pinch of clove, and slightly larger pinch of ginger.

- DO NOT let the cider/spices come to a boil. Heat it at a medium or just above medium temperature until it's just barely starting to simmer and/or steam. Turn the heat down to low and let it heat up for about 20 minutes, stirring with a whisk about every 5 minutes.

- Turn the heat off and take it off the stove. Let it sit for about 10 - 15 minutes. 

- Before you even think about opening the bottle of Everclear, make sure all sources of flames and heat have been blown out or cooled down. Seriously. Unless you want a crater where your kitchen used to be, NO OPEN FLAMES. 

- Add the moonshine or Everclear to the cider in the pan and stir it with the whisk. If you're making this to share with other people at a family gathering, party, etc., I would suggest using 1/4 - 1/2 cup of alcohol, so no one gets alcohol poisoning. If it's just for you and you know your limits/tolerance, you can go up to 1 cup for every 4 cups of cider. 

- Once the apple pie has cooled enough that you can put your hand on the saucepan without getting burned, pour the apple pie into mason jars. Keep the cinnamon sticks, placing one in each jar. If you like, you can use a strainer to strain out the gloop that the spices leave on the bottom. Personally I like leaving the gloop, as I feel that it strengthens the flavour of all the spices while the apple pie sits in the jars.

- Let the mason jars cool completely before putting them in the fridge. 

- Occasionally, your apple pie may take on a jello-ish consistency once it's been the fridge for a while. I have no idea why this happens. To avoid it, give the jar a good shake before you open it to pour a drink. 

- Enjoy!

They tried sodium amytal on him three years ago trying to find out where he buried a Princeton student. He gave them a recipe for dip.

Just a quick post to let y'all know I'm still here and ok, 'cause I got a couple emails inquiring as to my well-being. 

Not much to report. Christmas was not nearly as exciting as last year. 

Got some excellent booty from Mum Santa.

Mum and Lil Sis, in their attempts to drag me into the 21st century, also surprised me with a Kindle Fire, the screen of which I have been compulsively cleaning ever since. (And also re-reading Red Dragon).

 I feel like my old college roommate when he got his Mac laptop--he rarely let anyone touch it, and if you were allowed to touch it, you had to go wash your hands first with the most dehydrating soap that we had in the bathroom.

Pretty sure I also gained back all the weight I may have lost the last month or so, as I have been compulsively over-eating since Tuesday. ...A good thing?

Hope the rest of you had a lovely Christmas!

::slithers back into corner to polish kindle::