Sunday, January 19, 2020

Pro tip of the day: screen your calls when you’re trying to burn a body.


YOU GUUUUUYYYYSSSSSSSS

Harry Kane is laid up with an injury for at least THREE MONTHS. Tottenham Hotspur is FINISHED. The English national team is FINISHED. 

It was bad enough we lost Hugo Lloris to a horrific injury. His goalkeeping skills are so good, we all turned a blind eye to his being....... 

....
......:::shudders:::...
..

.......

...French.




The English and the French have a very strange relationship. Like we don't ACTUALLY hate each other, it's just a mutual arch nemesis relationship that goes back to when people first settled in what is now France and Britton. I grew up in this mindset, so maybe that's why I never understand why people get all uppity when the French and the English have a savage go at each other. 

But because people looooooooovvee feeling offended, someone tried to start an internet fight with me on Reddit after I made a clearly in jest comment about hating the bloody French. Turned out alright though, as an English person and a French person stepped in to try and explain that we don't really mean it*.

Stepmom has been in my life since I was 4 years old. Thus she has had 30+ years to observe and understand Dad's extreme Britishness. But for some reason, whenever me and the sibs and Dad start ranting about the French, Stepmom just gets confused into stunned silence. 

Or occasionally, "What is the issue with French people?!? Do any of you even know a French person?!?!?"

MOM SERIOUSLY that's not the point.

Dad, this past week:




Dadum and I have now added the rugby subscription to our tv sports app thing. Had to be done, as MY COUSIN is playing for the Worcester Warriors. 

The family that just moved in across the street are Arsenal fans. We always wear our team jerseys on weekends, and thus we now have an unspoken Football Team War. I'm thinking of buying a Spurs flag to hang in my living room window, which faces their bedroom window. 

In other news, I MIGHT get Gyr back at the end of the week. I also definitely have a lawsuit. The first MRI showed a herniated disc and some other long medical terms that mean my spine is crushing the living daylights out of my sciatic nerve, hence CONSTANT pain shooting from my lower back down to my left knee. The hip joint has been feeling slightly better, but not nearly 100% yet. I go for an MRI of said hip on Friday. 

The orthopaedist was honest with me, which I appreciate. Based on the MRI of my back, the notes sent to him by my physical therapist, and all of the continuing symptoms, it is very likely that this will not get better. The next step as far as pain management will be injections/epidurals to the spine and hip. If that stops working down the road, I might need surgery. 

The one and only upshot to this is that it could potentially mean a fairly large settlement from the other driver's insurance company. I'm not looking for some absurd amount of money, but it would be nice if I could actually pay off all of my debt. 

I don't remember the last time I didn't owe fewer than five figures in debt. Until that is paid off, I will never have any savings. and because I have no money saved, whenever something extremely expensive comes up unexpectedly, I have to charge it to a credit card. I can't even cash in on my tax returns--because I live in NY and work in NJ, come tax return season, I end up owing the State of New York a sum about as much as what I get back from the federal tax return. And I get nothing back from New Jersey. 

I'm grateful at least that I do not own any property, because the mentally ill buffoon currently running the country has now put a cap on how much of your property taxes you can list as a deduction on your tax return. 

The Democrats can't cough up anyone better, so I fear we're going to be stuck with this mess for another four years. Time to rethink our options and elect someone who will REALLY Make America Great Again Russia Instead.




























* We do.











Saturday, December 28, 2019

lovely ball


Something to be grateful for this holiday season--Gyr (my car) MIGHT be fixable. I'm going on my third week with the rented Ford Fusion (I hate it), so praying that they can actually fix Gyr.

My hip, however, remains a different story. The physical therapist believes that the impact of the car accident caused me to dislocate and then badly relocate my left hip. As a result, said hip does not want to stay properly located. I will probably be in pain forever, until the hip eventually gets so fecked up that it will need replacing. Yippee. On the bright side, I'll probably be able to get some extra money via lawsuit. 

But let's not dwell on that. Let's change the subject. 


Sometimes circumstances force you to lose access to something you really REALLY love. Like your satellite cable carrier deciding that you can no longer subscribe to just the one specific sports channel you want, now you must purchase a package that includes like 6 channels you'll never watch. 

And thus when I was about 15, I could no longer watch my football and rugby. 
(Proper football, not the pansified American version.)

We had no internet then, and even if we did, I doubt I would have found a way to keep up with watching my sports live. 

I was mental about football from like age 8 or 9. My team was always Tottenham Hotspur, because that was Dad's team, but to keep from being an outcast amongst my cousins, I accepted Manchester United as my alternate team. 

(Mum's side of the family was divided firmly between Man U and Liverpool.)

After starting to watch football and rugby with Dad about 2 years ago, I forgot how much I love it. He always found the games live on the internet, and we would occasionally watch matches on his laptop.

So then a few months ago I looked into finding an app or something I could get on the telly to watch Premier League games live, good quality live videos as opposed to the fuzzy and slow matches dad got on the laptop. 

NBC will allow you to purchase a "channel", without having to subscribe to the entire sports network. So I shelled out for a full year of access to English Premier League football. 

It took only a few weeks for me to get right back into the level of sports obsession I had in middle school. 

If I'm with dad, the conversation inevitably ends up with extensive discussions about football. As much as I value my weekend sleep (typically sleeping until 4PM), if there is a Tottenham match on at 7.30 AM, I will sleep on the sofa and set my alarm for 7. And you better believe I'll wake up to watch the match live. 

For Christmas, Santa* got me a Spurs jersey



with my fav player's number on it.



(I feel like I'm absurdly fat at the moment. Consumption of sedatives is at an all time high.)

All of this happened so quickly that the rest of the family is equal parts confused and annoyed. Dad is at the point where he has realized that the child of his dreams (previously a son who would become as enthusiastic about footie as he is) has been in front of him for years. Out of 5 children, only I ended up obsessed with football. 


The Premier League is taking over my life. 

Again.

(Except now I can't cover my walls in posters of football players because most of them are 10+ years younger than I am.)

My friends are equally confused by this sudden re-discovering of one of my favourite things. Except M, he remembers the days before I lost the foreign sports channel. 

Even at work--if there happens to be a weekday match, the office more or less comes to a standstill because YOU BETTER FECKING BELIEVE I'm watching that Tottenham match at noon on Tuesday. Bossman can't fire me, because he knows full well he cannot replace me with just one person.

I hope you all had wonderful holidays, no matter how or what you celebrate. <3 
































*Mum