Thursday, August 30, 2012

Not bad, for a human...

In honor of Monstermania, which I went to two weeks ago (and to which Stepmom forbade Little Bros 1 and 2 to go, because she doesn't want to encourage their interest in horror films because she doesn't want disturbing images and thoughts planted in their heads; they're 18 and 19 for feck's sake I think maybe she needs to unwrap the umbilical cord from around their necks like now), I shall now talk about horror films more than I already do. (Do I? I feel like I do....).
[I met Norman Reedus!! He was a total sweetheart, and he liked my tattoos. :D]

But anyway, back to horror movies... 
Yesterday evening, whilst outside having my last ciggie, I looked around at the woods surrounding my backyard and imagined what would happen if an axe-wielding maniac suddenly burst through the foliage, heading straight for me with his axe raised and ready to strike.

Obviously, I would not allow fear to cloud my survival instincts, despite the fact that, in my current position, I have few weapons at my disposal.

Such a move would only buy me time, but just enough to time to get into the house, lock and barricade the door, and procure a Good Weapon.

So many choices...

(I think I was some kind of warrior in a past life... One of my ultimate fantasies is to ride into battle on an armoured horse [preferably a Friesian], with a good soundtrack [I ride at ~1:00] to herald my glory.)
Do I use the scimitar, which has a much better reach than the murderer's axe?

Or the bow and arrows, which gives me the advantage of being able to inflict harm from a distance?

Dude's got an axe--eventually he'll be in the house. I have 2 or 3 minutes at maximum to get the cat into a safe place (obvs priority #1), dial 911, grab a weapon, and get to a good spot to use said weapon.

So I'll be listening for the axe murderer--is he trying to come in through the barricaded back door? Most likely not; he'll make for the nearest window he can fit through. Which puts him at a distinct disadvantage, should I choose to make use of the bow & arrows, and/or the throwing knives.

Poor guy doesn't stand a chance.

....of course sometimes I envision this scenario going the other way, with me putting up a good fight before meeting a violent and bloody (and obviously cinematic) death.

Or imagining how well I would fare in an apocalyptic setting. (This one can't be helped, as approximately 80% of all of my dreams take place in either chaotic armageddon, or a post-apocalyptic setting, so it's obviously just there in my head always and there's nothing I can do about it.) Apparently, I would fare pretty well; or at least many of my friends think so. A couple weeks back whilst we played archery in the back garden, they joked that I should wear a sign that says In Case of Armageddon, Get Behind Mich.
Am I insane? Does anyone else spend large chunks of their free time putting themselves into horror movie situations? I feel like maybe this is abnormal.


  1. Can I just tell you that I am so so SO jealous. You met Daryl? You TOUCHED Daryl?!!?

    You would be the best ally EVER in the zombie apocalypse. You're bad ass. And of course you ride into battle with Verdi. I would expect nothing less.

    Love you!!!

  2. Do you watch Game of Thrones? Hubbie and I just started watching it, and I meant to tell you before, you remind me so much of Deanerys. The bad ass blonde chick with the dragons, that is Mich!

  3. I do that, too. I just don't talk about it. lol and so does MG! He has dreams about the apocalypse and how his crazy autistic friend would get them both killed by selling all his ammunition and trading his M15 for a broken antique shotgun or something.

    I think people who are sort of outside of society, fringe dwellers if you will, we tend to pre-think ways to survive without the backup of others. Backup is nice, but we don't rely on the idea of it automatically being there so we gotta have solo options.

    I think it's a healthy survival technique, personally. ;)


    1. ok, I DO ponder the coming Apocalypse endlessly tho....

  4. You are SUCH a BAMF! And I would totally feel safe with you on my side! You are like one of those sexy, badass women who wield knives AND have looks that could kill.

    And I totally think about what I'd do in horror movie situations all the time hahaha. It's too fun not to.

    Love you!!!!

  5. See the problem with this situations is that you give yourself the time to prepare and proper weapons. No, when I do these things, I imagine someone has just burst into my room. I have to use the item immediately to my right as a weapon. How well do I fare?

    And... Tonight I die because I'd be fighting an axe murderer off with an empty pop can. ._.

  6. Sometimes I imagine I'm about to get ambushed by a "badguy" so I just clench my fists and get ready. That's about it, I would say that's an abnormal amount of time.

    YA! I made that chapstick and I thought if your lips feel smooth, your day will feel smooth and fresh. This is my other blog---that I share with the public :-)

    1. I meant "I WOULDN'T say that's an abnormal amount of time..."

  7. I am insanely jealous. Of your weapon collection that is. I do want one of my own but for now I have to accept I don't really know the laws. I just know knife laws. At least for now I have a wooden sword and would like a bow and arrow. But by God I am jealous. I also can't help but notice the axe murderer looks an awful lot like Kane.

    1. YAY I found a website that sells swords and they have a page stating in clear writing that everything they sell meets the standards of UK law and the main thing is a blade can't be more than 50cm on samurai or curved swords. Oh and you have to be over 18 to buy them of course.

  8. I imagine shit like this all the time as well. Worst-case scenario stuff and how I'd react to it. What would I do if that guy tried to grab me? If that person tried to pull me into their car? If that drunk pulled a knife on me? If that truck lost control? If raptors suddenly attacked? It's good to be prepared and you occasionally come up with good story ideas.

    0-0 I'm having total lust spasms over your sword collection. Holy carp.

    Thank you so much for the comment! *Hugs* Lol, the night we read The Colour From Out of Space was. . . interesting. It was an overcast night with a game on at the new stadium. I think I locked myself inside, avoided all wood and watched Sailor Moon and flinched at any glow/sparkle effects.

    Lol, I usually think of a pack of rabid weasels before the Alien films. Probably because there's no way I could nuke the site from orbit here. No nukes, no nuclear power, no space program. I'd have to somehow make it north to an active volcano before the fucker burst out of me. Average flight time to White Island vs average alien gestation time from host's resumption of consciousness=WHAT??

    Shit, where did that come from? o.O

    I hope you have a good weekend. Take care of yourself up there in Autumn-Land, Awesome Mich <3

  9. I love this post Mich. I don't know if I prefer the bow and arrow or the scimitar but you look great with both! I'm a big thriller and horror fan so I had to love this post, congratulations on meeting your guy as well! I had to laugh at the first bit about your mother still preventing her sons from watching horror films, they really are missing out. Unfortunately if somebody did invade my home I'd be screwed because I really don't have the weapons or the nerve to use them properly in the face of danger like you would haha.

  10. You're not the only one. I, very often, think about what life would be like in a post-apocalyptic world. I'm almost positive I would survive. Not because I am good with weapons, because I'm totally not...but because I would know the best places to hide and where to get food and travel very light.


  11. Its offical. You're the coolest woman ever!

    You should post more pics of you with your swords!! And as a guy, yeah, I fantasize about what I'd do in a Zombie Apocolypse, a standard Apocolypse, an alien invasion and even an invasion of extra dementional beings. Sometimes I win sometimes I die. But when I'm dying I fight to the end! I know others who think like you or I, but there mostly men like me (weirdo artistic guys). Glad to see a cool artistic girl having the same kind of thoughts!

    Glad you got to meet Norman Reedus! I know he plays your favourite character on The Walking Dead! Did you tell him you have a bow and arrow?

    (ps. I don't like horror movies that much cause they're never as intense as my imagination can be.)

  12. Such a neighborhood!
    I didn't know you lived in Camden.
    Or Philadelphia.

  13. You're gorgeous!! Thats soooo cool too. Awesome post hun. I would like to see more of your tattoos please? :)
    Love Sirenne
    x x

  14. My thoughts about attacks and horror situations generally involve me being terrified and probably dying. I'm all about how do I get away. I'd be happy to hide behind you. And I just remembered I need to get a fire ladder. I could probably climb down the vines and bushes growing up the side of my house, but I think a ladder would make it easier to carry my cat.
    Ooo I don't like thinking about people breaking into my house.

    I do like the charlotte ronson glosses... I have the samantha one's the closest I'll get to samantha herself ^_^ and I find them very smooth and soft and moisturizing and just a wee bit minty. Still haven't talked myself into wearing red tho...eeks!

  15. Holy Moly, you look both kick ass and gorgeorous with your weponry! Forgive my spelling. i have had at least 6-7 klonzazpans and numareous drimks and still cannot sleep....unforanalrtly not enought to fimd a copse nin the am................Boooooo!

  16. I sure hope it's not abnormal, because I think the same thing. I can't even enjoy horror movies anymore. I just roll my eyes and think, come on, everyone knows you should be doing THIS instead of THAT. But it's good to know even if my friends are all murdered, I'll survive... you know, if I'm ever put in some improbable nightmarish situation.

  17. Far be it from me to call anyone else "abnormal". I will say that, as a smoker, I've envisioned that same scenario where I am attacked and I put my cigarette out in the person's eye. I think that's the main reason I keep smoking, actually. I don't want to be unarmed.

  18. Checking back, hoping for an update. Let us know ASAP if little ginger guy (or anyone else) comes home with you! I know from experience that an unexpected ginger boy can be an amazing thing (even if Pippin cussed and thrashed for 10 minutes while I tried to trim his nails today...).


We say whatever we want to whomever we want, at all times.