Friday, September 7, 2012

Pick up that stereo and sink it deep within your body.


I was going to have a good whinge about being suicidally depressed, but I hate being a debbie-downer so I'll save y'all that particular narrative.

I went to meet some kitties yesterday.

o.O

The 6-month-old cat I went to meet fled the moment I walked in the door and would not come out again ("affectionate and a real cuddler" MY REAR), so instead I played with the 10+ kittens, not really sure I even wanted to get another cat yet, not sure whether I wanted a kitten or a more grown up cat, not really sure about anything at all.

Until this one particular little ginger kitten made it his mission in life to try and remove my skirt and, failing that, trying to climb up my skirt.

I didn't think I'd actually bond with a cat that was not Callisto. And I had not planned on even considering male cats. But

He curled up on my shoulder and closed his eyes and purred. And then when I put him down, he sat by my feet and cried.

But someone had already arranged to go to the lady's house today to see that cat specifically and decide if they want him. T.T
I find out if they're taking him tonight. I'm going to meet a couple other cats after work, including this one:

But I really want to take the ginger one. I've named him already and everything (not saying it out loud/on the internet because I'll jinx myself). I'm a giant ball of nerves right now and I need a distraction, so...........


KillerCupcake's (READ, she's hysterical) recent post inspired me to b*tch about the obscene amount of epic fail driving around on the roads of Northern New Jersey.

Our geographical location makes for a pretty huge mix of different types of drivers.

We've got the typical Jersey drivers (very similar in attitude to New York City taxi drivers, only we know how to tailgate better and can take 90-degree turns at speeds in excess of 50 mph without flipping our SUV's), and of course we've got the typical Annoying Drivers (old people, women, Asians, teenagers...), but the thing about the rest of the people on the roads of North Jersey is that most of them are from somewhere else. Like

4. New York City - These a-holes who live and drive in NYC occasionally feel the need to pollute NJ roads with their inability to drive faster than 40 mph or use turn signals. I guess the lack of gridlock and the long, clear stretches of road in front of their cars makes them nervous, or something?


3. Paterson/Newark/Spring Valley, NY/etc/etc - It might be you hear the thumping of their sub woofers a mile before you see them in your rearview mirror, but personally I think it's more likely that you'll hear the roar of the souped up engine of their

1992 Honda Civic.

Biggest mystery of my life. If you've got the money to customize your POS Honda until it sounds like a consumptive jet engine, then why don't you just get something fun like a Mustang or a Charger??


2. Ireland - Pearl River, NY sits right on the border of New York and New Jersey, and is full of about 90% straight-off-the-boat Irish. Plus there's all the random Irish peeps in North Jersey in general.

No one will ever tailgate you like an Irish driver. We can remain at a constant 1/4-inch away from your bumper at 80+ mph. And we will. For the entire duration of your trip, should we happen to be going in the same general direction. Being more Yankee than Irish, my tailgating skills aren't quite up to the Expert level yet. And I also try to exhibit a bit more patience with the drivers in front of me, and NOT tailgate them if they are going the speed limit or above.

But you could be going 75 down the county highway at the end of the month when it's crawling with cops, and you can bet that pale gobshite behind you with the New York plates--the one who looks so close in the rearview mirror that you can see his pores--will ride your arse all the way to the mall. Because in Ireland, no one really cares about speed limits, and everyone knows how to exceed the speed limit on extremely narrow, winding country roads. So if you can't exceed the speed limit by at least 50mph on a highway or main road, you deserve to be tailgated.

I'm not even exaggerating. By way of example, last time I was in the car with my cousin Lorna, she was doing 135 on a road with a blind corner every 100 feet, and only just wide enough to allow two cars to pass next to each other. At night. In a place with no streetlights.

 And my Uncle C was famous in our family because he could drive from Achill to Dublin in 3 hours and 15 minutes, WITH stops for food and the loo. And that was before they put in most of those highways.


1. - If you're driving along on a road in North Jersey and suddenly come up behind a car going 15 mph with their blinker on, swerving frequently into the other lane and slamming on their brakes every time they pass a cross street, 9 times out of 10 that car in front of you

is from Massachusetts.

Like seriously.

What's wrong with you people.

There's these awesome things called maps and atlases. Now we even have Google Maps and navigation systems for feck's sake. And if somehow you still manage to be lost, when you see a long line of angry motorists behind you, PULL THE F*CK OVER AND LET THEM PASS YOU.

Anyone out there from Massachusetts care to explain yourselves?

14 comments:

  1. I believe that little ginger kitten chose you to be his human. I hope you end up with him! If so, then you MUST post pictures. You know I'm a crazy cat lady and will be dying to see...



    ~MLM

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  2. I'm sorry that you're feeling depressed Mich. I know that I'm not much but if you ever need someone to talk to you know my email I think, hopefully you feel okay soon! I love the photos of the kitties too haha, they're all so cute!

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  3. aaah Massholes... I had such FUN with them on their roads this summer :/ I'll be really sad to move from New Hampshire next year and probably have to get a Mass license and registration. But I promise not to turn into a Masshole! :) I hope you get the kitty!! xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Even though so far I have managed to hold on to my connecticut license and plates... Maybe I can still pretend to be permanently domiciled in CT even when I'm not a student anymore...

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  4. I find the story of Irish driving quite incredible. I thought they were all too drunk to drive. Unless that's it. They perfected driving while drunk, so when sober they're some kind of super driver. I really hope you get the ginger cat. I'm glad that you're able to deal with cats, and have already made a new friend in one :) He sounds utterly adorable and you should have hid him in your skirt. Somehow.

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  5. Haha. We are just assholes from my state. You heard of massholes right Mich?

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  6. Omg kitties kitties kitties. I hope you get that lovely ginger kitten (I <3 kittens so much, lucky!!) or another beautiful kitty cat. (:

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  7. OMGOMGOMGOMG I HOPE THE GINGER KITTEN GOES TO YOU! Seriously. They'd better tell those people that story.

    Ah Tailgaters. I have to admit that when some bastard is tailgating me (ESPECIALLY in dodgy driving conditions) I slow right the fuck down when they can't pass me and randomly flash my brake lights. Because I'm an unrepentant bitch. On the open road I know my engine doesn't have to capacity to handle 100km/hr when faced with a headwind, so I pull over to let people past. Sigh. One day I'll have more than a 250cc.

    Uncle C sounds like Dad. He could do Dunners-ChCh in 4 hours when it was still a 5.5 hour road. Be fore he got a radar detector in the car he would pick a woodduck and hide behind them. Sneaky bastards!

    Anything you require form Down Under for a mood boost? I'm all out of ideas for cheerfulness. Sending e-hugs and love and glitter.

    <3

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  8. That cat is adorable, I'm more of a dog person myself but I do appreciate a nice cat when I see one!:D

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  9. I am so hopeing you get the ginger kitty! You definitly could use a pick me up, and caring for something so cute and needy would be just what you need!

    And lol at road rage. But I rage too, it comes with having common sense <3

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  10. My Mich,

    i am so sorry you are soooooo down. Ditto here.


    Loved your driving story, it was hilarious!


    You must get the ginger kitty....or maybe "Marshmellow"?

    Love you lots,
    tracy

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  11. I hope that ginger boy becomes yours. It sounds like he needs you, and you need him. I also hope the suicidal depression fades away too, because hey, that's not ever fun.

    Really hope you get to keep him, though. It's hard to walk away from a cat that bonds itself to you. xx

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  12. KITTTTTTTEHHHHHHZZZZZ!

    So happy you're letting a new companion into your life. It does in no way mean you are replacing your beloved Callisto, just sharing a different part of your heart.

    Pictures please??

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  13. That kitty in the photo is beautiful, I'm glad to hear you ended up with her.

    Your road rage list is absolutely perfect. Out here in beautiful Ohio, there's a town near me like your Pearl River and I avoid it at all costs for fear of being tailgated to within an inch of my life.

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